1 week anniversery of my break up, I need help!

[blindreepr]

So almost a week ago My exgf broke up with me. This past week has brought my many things. Tears, acid reflux, depression, my first experience with alchohol and tobacco.

 

So where do I start? I guess I will try and sum up my relationship with my exgf. Her name was Beth. We had been going out for almost 2 years. We had our ups and downs like most people. The cool thing about Beth was that unlike my friends gf's, she actually got along with all of us, and they treated her like she was one of their friends, at times, I felt like they liked her more than me. We weren't that sexually active, although we would do stuff occasionally, it definitely wasn't why we were together. We were friends, soulmates even. During the first year or so of our relationship, I had anger problems. Big ones. I was never physically abusive or anything, but I did have quite the mouth on me. At one point she essentially gave me the ultimatum to get better or she is gone. And I did get better, much better. My friends, family and Beth were all very proud of the progress I had made. Gone were the days of name calling and stuff, and here were the days of me actually being sensitive, listening to what she said, and if I couldn't handle myself, I left the house instead of staying there and boiling over.

 

About 4-6 months ago Beth told me that she had a crush on her coworker, Colby. I figured it was nothing, just a little crush, but she had told me that she had never had a crush on a anyone before while she was in a relationship. She still loved me, but she said that she wasn't feeling the same about me as she once did in our relationship. I told her that it's normal, that happens. I told her that I had a crush on someone too, and that we could both work through it, because we still loved each other. I decided that regardless of what my emotions are at the moment that I am committed to her, and that no stupid little crush is worth messing up what we had. We had also been having lots of house stress dealing with roommates at the time, and my mom suggested that we take a couple days apart just to cooldown from the stress and get out of the house. After those days it's like our relationship was reinvigorated. Everything was good again.

 

Fast forward to a week ago. We are dealing with moving out of our place and both going back with our parents, not because we dont want to be with each other but because we could not afford to stay together. In addition to house/moving out stress, I have been stressing about finding a school to go to and actually finish my college career. We as a relationship were fine or so I thought. Beth had lots of stuff that she was stressing about too, but we were working through it together. Last saturday Beth and my parents visited me at work. I was talking to them about moving out of state for school and beth was talking to me about maybe going with me, maybe staying. And when it seemed apparent to her that I was serious about this school thing, she tells me that her and me need to talk about relationship stuff. I dont really think a thing of it. I get home and she basically tells me that we should probably break up or take a break after we move out. I am dumbfounded, I don't know where this came from at all. We talk it out after 10 minutes of crying together and she says that she has just been really stressed, she still has a crush on Colby and she is confused. She told me that she is committed to me. The next day I wake up to find a post from her on link removed

 

"Why can't I be right? Grrr. I failed. Hardcore. I've been blinded. Now I see.....that I made a huge mistake.... I hope I never hurt anyone this bad ever again. I hurt the one that I love the most. I need to get some balls and take my blinders off to see that what I have (derek, duh!) is fan-freagn-tastic! Gotta use my brain and my will power. I know they are there somewhere."

 

I feel like we are back in the right track. Although the next day I am still so of upset at her, and a little cold, but I still kiss her goodbye, I still tell her I love her, I just made it known that I thought she needed to put alittle more effort into us. The next day I get home from work, and hang out with my friends at our house. Beth calls me when she gets off work and tells me that she is going to hang out with her new friend Vanessa (who doesnt like me very much because she doesnt understand my sense of humor). I say alright thats fine. 3 hours later and shes still not home, I start getting worried as Beth has never done that before, she would have usually checked in or been home by then, as beth never really had friends of her own that she would just hang out with, usually they were my friends and I would either be welcome over there or she would call me letting me know whats going on. well half an hour later she comes home and seems very distant to me. I ask her what is going on and she says that nothing is wrong, she is just tired and wants to sleep. I could tell something was wrong so I persisted. 2 minutes later I ask her if she still wants to be with me and she says no. That lead to me asking her to go to her parents house if she really felt that way, so she did.

 

That's basically it. The next couple of days were me sending about 5 messages to her Myspace, asking what happened? Why it happened? And what could I do? She told me that I couldn't make her happy, to which I replied she is the only one that could do that, I cant make her happy and colby cant make her happy. I eventually became somewhat understanding of her actions and told her that while I some what understood what she did, I thought that breaking up with me was harsh, and that we could have definitely worked it out, whatever the problem was. If I can overcome a life long problem with anger for her, I can and am willing to overcome anything for her. So now we are supposed to meet this thursday to decide what is who's at the house. I think I have given up on trying to reason with her, as she doesn't want reason right now. Her birthday is this Wed, so as a nice gesture I ordered a huge thing of flowers and dark chocolate to be sent to her work.(she LOVES flowers and dark chocolate like nothing else) In the cards, I made it be known that I do still care for her, and that I'm sorry for anything I did to make her unhappy, even though I dont really know what those things were. When we were talking, I told her that if she needs to be single for a while, then so be it, but I want another chance when she finds whatever she is looking for. She told me to hold onto that, but it may not happen because we may find out people. I told her that I wasnt looking and she said she wasnt either.

 

Any advice as to where to take this now? I still want to be with her soooo bad. I love her more than anyone I have ever been with. I want this thursday to be a good day, and I dont want to upset her or argue with her at all. I'm hoping that on Wed she will see that I still do care. Am I getting my own hopes up too much? I've seen so many other relationships were people break up and get back together, and I hope that we can get back together, but right now it seems that it will never happen. What should I do? What can I do? What shouldn't I do. Should I even take her back if she does come back? Will she come back? I hate not having all the answers to these questions.

[darklich14]

Hate to say it, bro, but don't count on anything. Just focus on yourself and what you're doing with your life. You CAN let her know how you feel about her, but you CAN'T expect anything in return. The real kind of love that people should give one another is not self-seeking. So live by that standard, move on with your life (you don't have to start trying to find another girl or anything), and figure out more about what makes you you and not someone else. That's all you're really going to have at some point anyway. But seriously, just let it go. You'll feel so much better. I've been through the exact same thing -- the back and forth, up and down relationship... Just let it go...

[JJRadical]

If you had to sum this up in one sentence...

 

...Girlfriend has a crush on another guy, is confused,...what should i do?

 

DO...take a break...stop pressuring her...think about moving on..your own thing...be relaxed.

 

DON' T...meet with her on Wedsnday...go to her birthday party...buy her gifts...contact her in anyway...be angry.

[blindreepr]

I am a wuss, I just called her to confirm that we are meeting on thursday so clean out the house so that we can hopefully get our deposit back. She sounded happy. She cut her hair and is making new friends. All stuff that I wanted her to do when we were going out. She thinks that she is happy now because we are not together, I think she is happy because she is out of our house with our irresponsible roommates, because she is making new friends, because she cut her hair, because she feels free, even though she was free to go all that when we were going out, she just never wanted to. She basically told me that she was with Colby all night last night, and that it was a long night. She wants me to be heartbroken. She tells me she still loves me, but when I tried telling her that the reason she is happy is because of everything else other than not being with me, she told me she would hang up. Why would someone do this to someone that they "love"?

[blindreepr]

any more advice as to how to handle this? I cant stop thinking about it.