Am I paranoid or is my friend being out of line?

[strawberry panic]

I'm a 17 year old girl who just came out of the bi closet. Anyway, I have this best friend who I've known since I started high school at 13. I'll call her "ann" and things were great between us until a few months ago when she just came out of her shell overnight and started partying with all her new friends and completely ignoring me because I'm a social outcast. so she got a boyfriend (I'll call him "mark") and a month later, (back in march) this girl asked me out, so now I'm dating her I'll call her "rachel" shes really romantic and she always tells me she loves me ^_^ Ann was a little surprised when I told her I was dating a girl because I never have before but she said we made a cute couple so I was glad to see she supported us. anyway, ann was really unfaithful with mark, because she kept telling me that he bored her and that she was meeting other boys at concerts and taking phone numbers. I was surprised at how much she changed, but I kept quiet and didnt say anything to mark. The sad thing was, he worshipped the ground she walked on. he remembered their monthly anniversaries and she didnt give a damn and ignored his msgs. she waited until he came back from vacation and dumped him about 2-3 weeks ago and he was heartbroken. I asked ann why she did that and she just said "you're such a wet blanket, I need to branch out and try new things" the next day she started saying things like "hey, seeing how close you and rachel are makes me wish I had a relationship like that. I think I'll try dating girls too" which I was fine with me but for the last 2 weeks now shes been flirting with rachel and telling her she looks beautiful and rachel is flirting back to make things worse and its in front of me. god only knows how bad it is when I'm not there. I cant stand anns new selfishness. she used to be so sweet and shy and now shes telling my girl she looks gorgeous and blowing kisses at her. If I behaved like that towards mark back when she was dating him, she definitely would of told me off. what should I do? rachel was the only person who ever said "I love you" to me and I've been used by exes so much in the past. I dont want to be hurt again. am I over reacting? I just think its an odd coincidence that ann broke up with mark as soon as she noticed how loving and supportive rachel was with me

[reality_writer]

sounds like the situation is getting tricky. Your friend sounds Jealous, I think. Either b/c your girlfriend takes all your time and you have less time for your friend and she doesn't like that, OR she is the type of person who thinks someone else shouldn't have a good thing b/c they don't so they try to take it..... and...then there's the possibility that she is confused about her sexuality.

but, none of these issues is an exceptable excuse to flirt with their bestfriends girlfriend/boyfriend EVER. it's like an unwritten rule for friends. You don't cross that line b/c people are going to get hurt.

 

The best you can do is just concentrate on your relationship. IF your girlfriend seems distant, and suddenly more flirty with your friend than you might want to back away, and not cling on, to see what happens.

 

But most definatly tell your friend she is crossing the line, and ask her why she is truly behaving like she is. Talk to her about it.

[Deviant_Kate]

Whoa! "Ann" needs to back off. You need to talk to Rachel, and tell her the story you just told us. She needs to know what Ann is like, and she needs to know that the flirting is hurting you. Chances are, she'll be upset with Ann on your behalf and she'll be able to tell you that she loves YOU and she's not going to be swayed by some stupid conniving girl. She needs to be aware of the situation. Always always be up front and honest with your girlfriend. That's how you make good relationships last - romance and honesty.

[strawberry panic]

oh I told rachel how ann dumped mark over the phone and cheated on him with lots of boys during the 3 or 4 months they were dating and rachel said "I dont wanna get involved on this, shes your best friend and I hardly know her" but that was about a month ago, they've gotten closer since then >_

 

thanks so much for your help everyone. I couldnt vent this to anyone else because not that many of my family or friends know that I've started to date girls too yet

[Deviant_Kate]

CALL THE POLICE! You have the power to help yourself - Call the cops or DHS and get your mother arrested. It's illegal to beat your children, or ANYONE for that matter. I'm not saying what Ann and your Dad did was right, by any means, but you don't have to sit back and wait to be rescued. Stand up for yourself!

 

And ignoring Ann and Rachel might be exactly what pushes them closer together. Just tell Rachel you think Ann is trying to steal her away from you. At least then she'll be on guard.

[strawberry panic]

CALL THE POLICE! You have the power to help yourself - Call the cops or DHS and get your mother arrested. It's illegal to beat your children, or ANYONE for that matter. I'm not saying what Ann and your Dad did was right, by any means, but you don't have to sit back and wait to be rescued. Stand up for yourself!

 

And ignoring Ann and Rachel might be exactly what pushes them closer together. Just tell Rachel you think Ann is trying to steal her away from you. At least then she'll be on guard.

 

ok, I'll try that. *sigh* ann wont be much of a threat to me this week anyway because shes going away on a trip with her friends to a theme park overseas. they go every year and I never get invited, but this will give me some time to spend with rachel because my final exams finish soon and I'll finally have time for everyone. I called the police about four times, it doesnt do any good. they come up to the house and say "calm down, you have a drinking problem" and she's all "shut up * * * * * *! I dont have a drinking problem" and the police just say to me "theres nothing we can do. until you're 18, you're in her custody" >_

[Hyperia81]

You have to cut "Ann" off. That is not the kind of person you want to be surrounding yourself with. You have to question wether you can actually call this girl a " Bestfriend ". Also, if "Rachel" is flirting "Ann" then what type of GF is she? You need to drop them both if this persists.

[strawberry panic]

I'll see how things go over the next few weeks anyway. its such a pity because myself and ann used to get along ok until she found out about my abusive mother. All I ever do now is fight with her >_

[Tigris]

Why don't you talk to your girlfriend and say that you want to spend more quality time alone with her?

 

Don't forget that two's company and three's a crowd.

[woah_jaxsta]

I think you should definatly tell rachel about how you're feeling about the way ann is acting. I think it is probably better to let out the feelings rather than bottle them up.

 

Ann definatly isn't worth having as a friend if she flirts with your girlfriend.

[Tigris]

How are you doing strawberry?