Met her for the first time (sort of long but advice please)

[Amannamederic]

well, i finally met her,

 

I drove 3 hours to her house yesterday to just spend some time with her and her little cousin whom shes babysitting for 2 weeks while she visits the family from arizona. We had talked on the phone more or less the entire trip, just getting directions and what not so things were good.

 

Overall i mean she was pleasant, she reminded me very little of the girl i saw in her pictures though...especially the senior ones...im not going to say she was alot worse than i expected, but lets just say i don't quite feel like shes some supreme goddess anymore. I have no idea what she thought about the way i looked. We barely touched on it, she texted me on my way home and said, "I hope you werent disappointed with me!" and i said, "Nope, i hope the same goes for you" to which she responded, "It did!" so i don't really know how much that means.

 

As for the way she acted, i have never met someone offline before so i have no idea how they are supposed to act. We did talk, and joke around, but it wasn't non-stop conversation. There were silences which im assuming were ok, she had been up late the night before and then woke up at 6 in the morning to get back home from a horse show so im guessing she was tired. She only got really quiet into the later parts of the day, like around 5-6 o'clock. Then there wasn't much conversation going on at all. Normally i'd be wondering a little bit about that, as she noticed and mentioned to me i am a paranoid person. But i don't know how much of it was due to her little cousin being right there with us the entire day, and then her family being there with us in the evening. We talked don't get me wrong, most of it was her when we did talk i admit i was kind of shy. But she didn't look at me very much and seemed to talk to her little cousin more than me. I knew they were best friends but damn...it was like they were attached at the hip.

 

I did meet both of her parents. Her mom and i had a long conversation, her mom said more words to me than she did the entire day. Her mom said she knew all about me because the girl talks about me, she'd seen my pictures. She even told me that amanda was showing off alot for me. I told her i didn't believe it (i honestly thought the girl didn't like me at all) and her mom insisted it was true.

 

So all in all it wasn't the fantastic meeting i had expected it to be but i did get to be around her, talk to her, and figure some things out. On the way home i had told her to text me if she got bored and she did, nothing really long though just the messages i wrote about earlier, and some help getting me back on the road, she told me to call her when i got home. Then, after i got home at around 10 o clock, she texted me and said, "I hope you're being safe!"

 

to which i responded, "Im laying around right now haha so yeah im safe",

 

she said, "You didn't call me!"

 

i replied, "I sent you a message but you didn't respond, i thought you were too busy to talk, did you get it?"

 

she said, "No! i was scared you died or something!"

 

I said, "my damn phone...yeah i made it, i had fun driving all that way."

 

she said, "Im glad you had fun"

 

I said, "So you busy at the moment?"

 

she said, "no, i came home because krista was tired."

 

I said, "if shes asleep i could go for a conversation with you"

 

she said, "Ok, shes going to bed, i don't have to entertain her now lol"

 

i said, "Ok when shes asleep ill give you a call"

 

she replies, "How will you know when shes asleep lol we can talk now its fine im in my room"

 

so i called her, and we had an hour and a half long conversation, she sounded the same as she had all day but the conversation was normal for us, i didn't feel like anything was wrong.

 

So this morning i texted her at 11 and just said, "Hey! hope you have a great day!"

 

she responded an hour or 2 later with, "Hey! just wanted to say have a wonderful day b4 i go to braxtyn's party!" Braxtyn being a little boy she babysits.

 

So what do you think...was her semi-silence and not looking at me yesterday a sign that i need to call this off? Or just general nerves. I haven't heard from her since that last text and am not going to bother her because i want to at least get over my paranoia when it comes to her...

 

Any advice on where to take things from here would be great.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Ric -

 

I say she is really into you! Sounds like she was a little nervous and shy. I say that because I could totally relate to the things you said she was doing. I've often used my kids as a buffer when feeling kind of shy.

 

When I'm NOT interested however, I wouldn't be nervous because I wouldn't care the impression I was making.

 

Plus she's continuing to text you, was showing your picture to her mum?!

 

Looks pretty clear to me!

[monkey1]

Meeting someone offline who you click with well online can always be awkward. I was shy and not quite myself when I met my boyfriend for the first time in person. It was simliar to you in that I wans't super chatty, only because I couldn't read his impression of me. I wasn't sure if he was just being nice to me, or if he liked me at all. He seemed more like the same person offline as online.

 

Anyway, after we went our separate ways when he left back to his city, I admitted to him I was feeling really shy but that I was totally attracted to him and wanted to kiss him so bad when he was dropping me off at my apartment.

 

I'd suggest if you think you click enough to give it some time. I think people get more shy when they're attracted to someone online and then end up meeting them in person.

 

I think when you feel comfortable, you can ask her how she felt about meeting you and such. Then take it from there. Maybe try meeting again without the little cousin and maybe it'll be better.

[SilverManic]

I can compleatly sympathise with her. I'm currently over in the US visiting a guy I like. I've been really shy for most of my time here I think the first time I opened up was yesterday afternoon. That was only because he rejected me and I know it's not going to happen though... It's hard meeting someone that you really like offline.

I would think that any girl would be nervous around a guy they really like. I couldn't give him eye contact until yesterday and I'm still funny about it. It's just the way things go. But I'm pretty sure she likes you so I wouldn't call it off.

Good Luck,

~S.

[anonymous_presence]

I'd have to agree with the other posters. After you two parted ways, it seems like you were both back to the way you were pre-meeting, which is a good thing! If she felt it was unpleasant or if she was disappointed, then she wouldn't have acted so casually afterward. She seems very interested in you!

 

I think a better question would be is if you are really still interested in her. It seems like that meeting aroused a lot of disappointment, which is natural if you had high expectations of what it would be like. Maybe she lost some of the shine that she radiates online as a result of her shyness, but with time she'll be able to truly act the way she is in person around you.

 

It may have seemed like there was no chemistry between you two due to the silences, but like the others said, that's the way it normally is when two people finally meet in person. It'll come with time and patience. If you just wait out the awkwardness and really get to know her in person and give her time to get comfortable around you, something real can emerge.

[Amannamederic]

theres something i've thought about...

 

we've been talking for 2 months, she is nowhere near as affectionate as she used to be. She used to be perfect, calling me all the time, always saying nice things, then it sort of just changed...id thought she was talking to someone else so i would casually mention it sometimes (probably where she got the idea that i was paranoid) but she says no. I keep asking myself all day every day if she even likes me anymore, im kind of hoping this next week sheds some light on the whole thing. It will be tough to end it if i have to, i don't even know how actually without sounding retarded haha, but i probably need to if things don't change...it sucks if im completely wrong and just making myself sick over nothing, but thats how i am, i am the kind of guy who gives/needs constant affection or else im unhappy, and to tell you the truth im almost done trying to find a girl who will give it to me. I thought she would, but here we are 2 months after we first started to chat...and i get almost nothing.

[AwdreeHpburn]

well lots of times after the inital honeymoon phase, things simmer down a bit. I think that's normal. Seems like you need to give it a fair shake.

[Amannamederic]

then why doesn't it ever die for me? I'd love to be the one it died for and have someone sending me a nice message randomly through the day just to say they cared

[AwdreeHpburn]

I still care for my husband - a lot. But he is definitely more affectionate than I am. He has accepted that I show my affection differently than he does.

 

If and when she gives you the words that she's no longer interested, I say you should believe she is.

 

Either accept that she shows it differently or ditch her and find a better match. That's my advice anyway.....

[Amannamederic]

hhmm what if she just wants to avoid causing a problem or hurting me, so she just keeps it going with the bare minimum so that she has someone to talk to and be nice to her.

[anonymous_presence]

You say you will have to break up with her if things don't change, but what sort of change do you have in mind exactly? How can you expect her to suddenly become affection out of the blue if she doesn't even know that you think she's becoming disinterested? You have to talk to her about it, tell her clearly what it is exactly that you want, and in all fairness, you should probably do something to initiate it yourself, by calling her as often as you'd like her to call you and so on.

 

You feel like she might not like you anymore, but that's just a feeling. Can you find some concrete evidence that would support that belief? To my knowledge, people don't generally put up the bare minimum; they make it explicit and put far less than the minimum. I think she's still interested in you based on your initial post. But when did you start to feel this way? Before or after meeting her?

 

If you're afraid of being rejected, is it possible that you're holding back yourself and sending her mixed messages that in turn is making her hold back? It's best if you talk to her, ask her how she's feeling and let her know how you are feeling so that you can work it out together. She's probably really into you, and you have to let her know that you like her back so that she won't feel hesitant about calling you all the time, emailing you, etc. On the other hand, as Ta_ree_saw said, it's true that once the initial heat fades, you fall into a steady relationship based on trust and not necessarily a constant shower of affection. That's simply inherent in relationships, and to spice things up again you both have to contribute to it equally.

[TheWriter1]

stupid response

[Amannamederic]

it just seemed like it all happened so suddenly, like seriously one week she was being her normal affectionate self, and then it seems that over the weekend she quit saying it all so often...i could probably deal with it if it was gradual, but this seems so sudden. I thought seeing her would ignite something but so far it hasn't (we've had 3 texts today, 2/3 initiated by me) and im not sure it will...