Beign the other

[Ineedtotalk]

Being the "other"?

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I dated a girl for 5 weeks. I left the her because I had to move (for school reasons) to another city which is 6 hour driving. Well, during the first week she told me that she had a boyfriend in Spain. She is in the States for a 2 year internship. She been with his boyfriend for 4 years. I continued with her after the first week because I really did like her and I was going to move so I did not expect it to be a searious relationship. So, after I left her she told me that she wanted to still keep in touch with me. She told me that she really likes me and wants to keep our relationship. I felt the same way. Its been 2 week since I moved. We been talking and emailing each other everyday. She also told me that she keeps talking to her boyfriend in Spain. But that she is confused does not know how she feels. Her boyfriend is coming to visit her in July. She says that she is going to see how she feels when she sees him. I really don't know what to do? I don't what to get hurt. I really like her, sometimes I think she is going break up with his boyfriend and other times I think she is going to stay with me.

[teacup]

i think she has had enough time to make a decision. she is just nibbling on both cakes.

[Hope75]

Hi There,

 

And Welcome to enotalone!

 

That sounds like a really touch situation, and I am sorry that you are caught in the middle.

 

It's sounds as though she was not entirely honest with you in the beginning.

 

I know you mentioned that you did not think this was going to be a really serious relationship, but now that you have moved and she's mentioned wanting to be with both you and her boyfriend, and with you saying that you really like her and want to continue, I'm just curious where you see this relationship going for you? Do you want something serious with her?

 

The way I see it, as long as you stay with her while she is confused about what she wants, you kind of make it easy for her NOT to choose, because you allow her to have the best of both worlds.... your attention and commitment while she is with her long term, long distance boyfriend. That doesn't really do justice for you because you are only getting half a relationship... someone who will not commit to you, at least at this time.

 

My other concern is that she's been with her boyfriend for 4 years. That's a pretty long time, and likely a pretty serious relationship. If she can do this to her boyfriend after a 4 year relationship, can you see why I'd suspect she may do it again to you, should things between you get serious?

 

I believe that we all deserve an honest, loving and respectful relationship, yourself included. As long as she will not choose between you and her boyfriend, you are not getting that from her. Myself, I'd question how much I meant to someone who did not want to be exclusively with me, and who would lie to her long distance boyfriend and cheat on him.

 

What do you think?

 

Have you thought about what you want from her?