I don't want to kiss it goodbye...

[LovinIt]

I'm so glad I found this site. It has made things so much easier when you know people care. I have posted a few times in Relationship Conflicts....My man is out of town...and I have been debating on whether or not to break up with him, simply because I don't think he cares enough about the relationship...he never wants to discuss problems, and turns away from me when I bring anything negative up.

 

I find this disrespectful, and hurtful, since he is not only the love of my life, but my best friend too. At times I think that I am a little less independent then i should be. This could be part of the problem. I find myself to be very suspicious of him, and I question where he has been, or what he has been doing. He has told some lies to me, even when I have given him the oppurtunity to tell me the truth. Now you know why I have a hard time trusting him. He was daating someone before we started hanging out....and broke up with her in January. They did not have a good relationship...as i have heard from him, and others close to both of them. I do not know this girl...but find myself very jealous of her....I was checking her myspace page daily..to check up on her, until i cancelled it, because I found it very unhealthy that I needed this kind of comfort. Throughtout the last 5 months of my relationship with my man, he has not wanted to make it official with me...however, everyone we work with, (we work together), all of our friends, etc, consider us together. He is not looking for any other girls, I see him every day, and I know emotionally and pyschically he is 100 percent committed to me.

 

The main reason he does want to be my boyfriend, is that he is afraid of hurting the ex, and feels much guilt considering he started dating me before they even broke up. She calls him quite often to tell him how much it hurts that he has already moved on. He then, feels bad about it, and tells me that him and I need to slow down....as he has told me from the beginning that he did not want to be serious right away. I find this hurtful, since my feelings seem to be not as important as hers. I have told him how i feel. He does not look at things that way. I think that my man does not have the balls to tell her how things are. They started as friends, and ended as friends, and he would like it to stay that way. I dont see that as possible, since she obviously is having issues with it. I also believe that there is a lot more to the story....over the past few days I have been evaluating my relationship and realized that maybe I dont know my man as well as i thought i did. We have never sat down and really talked about our fears...what we both REALLY REALLY want out of this relationship. I could learn a lot, maybe things I didn't even know about, which could benefit us.

 

I don't want to lose him, and i think him and i have something very special. Is there any way to ask him these questions??? He comes back home in a little less than a week. Could this save our relationship, if i just sat down with him...and we each discusssed what we want...things we could do to make the other happy....etc. WHat happens if we dont want the same thing. I know his responce and that is to keep hanging out....but i can't spend forever just having fun with someone. I dont know what advice I'm really asking for. I just felt like writing. Comment if you have anything to say, or maybe a similar situation. I just like hearing from people.

[AwdreeHpburn]

LovinIt - Sounds like you are having some serious doubts.

 

If this is something you question him on frequently, I suggest you listen to him.

 

If you have actually NEVER discussed certain things, then it is time.

 

I suggest you tell him what you have told us. That you are contemplating a break-up because not only do you not know where the relationship is going, you don't know where it IS.

 

And tell him is ex is a spot of insecurity for you. Tell him there are things you feel you need sorted and resolved and you really feel if he doesn't take you seriously you WILL consider a split.

 

Hope that helps! Good luck.