Bad sex ...

[Pee-Jay]

Well I am married for almost a year and a half now. Problem is that my wife and I are experiencing difficulty in bed. Through our courting phase of our relationship we had some good sex and naturally that would be another tick on the "Yes I want to marry her or No I need to run away" sheet. I consider myself a very passionate lover as i am African .. ha ha!! She also confirmed it many times before ...

 

Now after a year and a half of trying different tactics to get her into it I am tired ... Tired of getting her in the mood. Yes, i know that sex needs lots of foreplay. Fact is, that ain't the problem .. She is just not interested in coming half way. She says that I am to BIG ... I have also given her a period of two months to short herself out. To get advice from others ect. But she hasn't used this time effectively- she did not even do anything about it.

 

She then promised me that things will change, but now after a month or two have passed by things are going the same way ... What should I do?? We really love each other, but at the same time this can rip us a part ...

 

Okay, enough complains ... Question for the more experienced ladies .. How do I get my lady on the saddle??? Or is it a common phenomanon after lady's receive that ring on the finger? If there is any younger girls with some kinky advice, please drop a note too. Men are also welcome to share their wisdom ...

 

Thanks guys ..

[agent1607307371]

If there is any younger girls with some kinky advice, please drop a note too.

 

 

 

If she says you are too big, then it is probably pain that is killing her mood.

Maybe try non-penetrative sex for a while..

[Pee-Jay]

Hey agent ... just to let you know that it is not so much the size issue, but more the interest/desire part. I mean if she lost 'it' after we married-and struggled with it for more than a year now ... questions is, will this ever change??? I need some romantic sex ...

[coollady1957]

Through our courting phase of our relationship we had some good sex .

 

So you had good sex prior to marriage and now after a year and a half she seems to be disinterested it appears. Seems awfully early on in the marriage for her to have lost interests in even trying.

 

Saying you are too big just doesn't sound right. Obviously she knew how big you are before marriage and you two had great sex then, Right ??

 

COuld there be other issues going on? Has she been ill, or experiencing any stresses ?

[nottoogreen]

If it worked before why not now? Did it work before or was she polite?

 

After all this time she may be frustrated.

 

Look at recent threads in this forum, all is there, pleasing woman. oral, lasting longer.

 

What about your relationship, work, stress, problems?

[Pee-Jay]

Thanks guys for your inputs... As I mentioned we've been trying different tactics, incl. all the unconventional stuff. But something lacks and that is her willingness and drive to add her bit to deed. I mean I have been trying now for a long time ... And yes we did manage to have some great exp. , but my tank of patience are running out as well.

 

The way I see it is that romance is a giveand take ... but with us it seems that I am the only giving. My wife also loves to receives in different ways, but is so passive on the giving side ...

[coollady1957]

After having read this thread of yours from April

it certainly appears to be some underlying issues.

 

This could be a result of her past abuse, and if so, then she should be confronting this through counseling and not sweeping it under the rug.

 

It should not fall all on YOU to be the one that has to change. And No it is NOT just a typical thing that happens once the woman gets a ring on her finger , to then lose interest in sex.

[Pee-Jay]

That is indeed wisdom ... Well she does not want to be confronted with it. I always knew that this would put pressure on our marriage later, but she plays her cards safe. I also adviced her to go and see someone to talk to, but the "two month period" which I gave her to short things out- well she really did not do anything. Sorry for portraying her in a negative way, but I guess you know it is only for discussion sake.

 

Okay if she does not want to see anyone .. what is rightful and honourable for me to do in this situations from a lady's sensitive perspective... and yes the bed is also waiting. Waiting on your insight ...

[coollady1957]

Ok, I went back and read your other thread again. I agree with alot of the responses that you had received there.

 

I can on one hand understand that your wife is probably deeply hurt by the childhood abuse and incest. She is going to have to some how realize that HER issues are causing a big problem in the marriage.

 

IT certainly seems that you have given up alot and changed alot in your life for this woman. You gave up friends, family, your home country, etc, everything to move to the Netherlands and made a commitment to her. You accepted and learned the culture of her world.

 

No matter how difficult it seems, I feel that you need to have a real heart to heart , soul to soul, serious conversation with her about this. BE firm and deliberate with how you are feeling about this.

 

You have asked her and given her ample opportunities to get help for her prior issues in life and any current issues that are going on. She does not seem to want to even meet you half way.

 

I feel that she needs some serious serious counseling for herself if you are to even hope to get her to a point to save this marriage. That is if YOU even want to at this point. I know you mentioned divorce in your other thread.

 

If she does not seek help for these issues, I would lean toward this not working out for you in the end. I wish I could foresee in my thoughts a better out come for you.

 

So bottom line, have a private serious conversation with her and lay it all on the line to her. You seem like a loving , caring and committed man, but having said that, unless SHE starts to be willing to get help and make some changes within herself, I see a long hard road ahead of you.

[monkey1]

I don't know your history with your wife, but from the looks of what people have said here, she should strongly consider talking to someone. Even tell her that you'll join her for support. Tell her that it's a difficult to confront one's painful past, but that she'll feel better once she deals with it and you'll be there for her and help her through it.

 

if she doesn't deal with it sooner, I think things will remain difficult between you. Tell her you want your relationship to work and for both of you to be happy ... hopefully she'll understand and get some help.