Confused....what should I do?

[chigal28]

It's been a while since I posted here about anything going on in my relationship, because I honestly haven't had anything to worry about. Now I don't know whether I do or not.

 

My bf and I have been together about 5-6 months, were friends for years before that. He always tells me how much he loves me, I'm the best thing in his life, etc. We've talked about moving in together when my lease expires at the end of August. Meanwhile, we're living about an hour apart, working even farther than that apart. We've made it work without a problem, seeing each other on weekends and having at least one date night a week.

 

We spent most of this past weekend (a three-day weekend for Memorial Day) together, and it was awesome....we saw lots of friends, went to BBQ's, etc. He told me last night he didn't think date night would work this week, with it being a shorter work week, etc., but he'd let me know for sure today. He e-mailed me this morning with an activity idea for this weekend, and this afternoon I e-mailed him back and said it sounded like fun, and that I assumed date night was a no-go this week. He said yeah, he didn't think it would work.

 

I called him at work, and for some reason got upset/disappointed that we weren't going to have date night this week. Here's the thing...I had already assumed we weren't going to have date night, and was kinda looking forward to a night to myself, since I was with lots of people all weekend. But it just hurt that he didn't seem to care that we won't see each other till this weekend, especially when he says I'm the most important thing in his life, etc. He said I could come up to where he lives, and we could do date night up there, but he knows it's a long drive for me (1.5 hours) which is why he always comes to me for date night straight from work.

 

I guess my question in all of this is: I really want to see him tonight. It's been a stressful week at work because of the shorter week and having to get 5 days worth of work done in 4 days, and I could use a hug. BUT....if he's losing interest (which just on Monday he was telling me how awesome I am, how much he loves me, etc. so if it wasn't for this going on I wouldn't even think that), wouldn't it be better to not see him this week and make him miss me? He and I have never really played games, and when I want to see him, I tell him, and he is usually the one to call, e-mail, initiate plans, whatever. I just don't want to be clingy and needy. HELP!!!!! What should I do?!

 

It would be awesome to see him, but I don't want to intrude. Then again if he and I are really going to live together, why would he be OK with not seeing each other ALL week, even though we just spent the weekend together? Then AGAIN....maybe he is seeing the big picture (which he's always been better at) and he doesn't think one week of missing date night is a big deal. I guess the issue would really be if this was a pattern.

 

What should I do? Should I say I want to come up there? Should I suck it up and just go home and pretend it doesn't matter (well, he already knows it does)....and play it cool? ARGH.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Sorry this is a tough week for you.

 

I don't at all get the feeling that not having a date night isn't bothering him. He's prolly trying to focus on the time when he CAN see you and not dwell on the fact that he CAN'T this time.

 

Besides, if you are planning to live together, take any alone time you get now for granted. The times for that will be few and far between after August!!

 

Here are a couple of good "rules of thumb"

 

1. Don't sweat the small stuff

2. It's all small stuff

[Momene]

I think he wants to see you but I can relate to this bank holiday thing when you have to do 5 days' work in 4. It happens to me all the time. It even puts me off taking vacations because I know I'll have to catch up when I get back.

 

So his heart is saying he wants to see you but his brain is saying it's hard for both of you, so he's thinking of a good weekend.

 

I don't think you'll have any worries and I could be a bridesmaid at your wedding in a few years.

[alyssajones]

I know what it's like to have rough days and simply need a hug. I used to be in a Long Distance Relationship, we were ~4 hours apart. Somedays it would hurt me that he didn't seem to care but really it was just living our lives until we could see each other again (usually every 2nd or 3rd weekend). After a couple years I learned to do this as well and passing the time between seeing each other became a lot easier. Even though in the end it didn't work out (we were together about 4 years), I learned a lot about taking time for myself and enjoying it, and trying not to be TOO dependant on someone else.

 

Hope this helps!

[alyssajones]

Of course it is the weekend now, so how did things go? Did you end up seeing him mid-week or just wait it out until the weekend?

 

If he didn't care about you, he wouldn't drive all that way to see you all the time. Remember that