Confused, advice needed

[lolok33]

So today I went to prom with this girl who's my "best friend." She broke up with her boyfriend a few weeks ago. I think I like her, but I'm really confused about her feelings. I'll try to say everything so I don't get a biased answer.

 

Support that she has feelings for me:

- body motions... today she kept walking into me on purpose, so our arms were touching, not all the time, just sometimes... sometimes she hits me while laughing... while we were dancing at prom, we were more physical than the rest of the people in our group, and only danced with each other... she smiles a lot around me

- a few days ago we hung out and it started to pour, we ran to my car, about 2000 meters probably, and today she said it was "romantic" and "like the notebook", she also called how we slow danced "more romantic" because while everyone was just rocking back and forth we eventually put our hands into each others on one side and spun around and got more into it

- she makes jokes about us "making out" or being together, and so do I, but before she didn't like it so I stopped doing it (a few months ago), but lately I've started doing it again.. for example... when it was raining and we got in my car and drove past the spot we were at, I said we should have kissed in the rain, and she laughed and said yeah, and then I said, well we still can if you want, and she just laughed, and I acted like I was pulling off the road back to the spot, slowed down, but then kept going

- she said 2 years ago that us talking was "romantic" because I like dher, and also something 3 years ago, and I asked what she would have said if I asked her out and she said something like "maybe I'd have said yes", and then at prom we were talkng about how we were never together, and I said "what about fresh year, and she said we didnt know each other, soph year you never asked me, junior year I had a boyfriend (that she just dumped)

- she used to bash my girlfriend, it made me think she was somewhat jealous, and I said she was, and she said "its true, I felt like I was losing my best friend" (fits into the against category too)

 

Support against:

- today we got tarot cards read for us, and it said that she wasn't in a relationship, but a guy was interested in her, and the reading she asked if it was me, and i tried to avoid answering, but she kept asking (but while smiling), then I said "no, I'm not" and she said "okay, good"

- a few days ago I think she also asked if I liked her, i said no, and asked why she asked and she said in the past a guy liked her because she was nice to him

- she always says "bff", and even though it is half mocking of our peers, she really means be as a best friend, so I'm in the friend zone?

- she said her dad asked if we were dating and she told him we were just friends

 

ill try to think of more, please I really need advice

[Budman]

Why does this post remind me of me? lol

 

So today I went to prom with this girl who's my "best friend." She broke up with her boyfriend a few weeks ago. I think I like her, but I'm really confused about her feelings. I'll try to say everything so I don't get a biased answer.

 

Can't really get an unbiased answer, or give everything but from the looks of it you certainly tried!

 

Support that she has feelings for me:

- body motions... today she kept walking into me on purpose, so our arms were touching, not all the time, just sometimes... sometimes she hits me while laughing... while we were dancing at prom, we were more physical than the rest of the people in our group, and only danced with each other... she smiles a lot around me

 

Good Good, I would say yes this could be a sign. The running into you on purpose is interest.

 

- a few days ago we hung out and it started to pour, we ran to my car, about 2000 meters probably, and today she said it was "romantic" and "like the notebook", she also called how we slow danced "more romantic" because while everyone was just rocking back and forth we eventually put our hands into each others on one side and spun around and got more into it

- she makes jokes about us "making out" or being together, and so do I, but before she didn't like it so I stopped doing it (a few months ago), but lately I've started doing it again.. for example... when it was raining and we got in my car and drove past the spot we were at, I said we should have kissed in the rain, and she laughed and said yeah, and then I said, well we still can if you want, and she just laughed, and I acted like I was pulling off the road back to the spot, slowed down, but then kept going

 

EEEP, Ehh. Gah, *falls over* I've noticed something in my exploits (well, in general anyway). If a girl will say yes to something, that means she will do it.

For example, if the girl says she will have sex with you, she will. If she says she will kiss you, she will. Joking or not, they will never joke about having sex with someone (well my ex did but she was a meanie, and the only exception). I am saying especially since there was no "what are you doing" to the slowing down. It could have happened.

 

- she said 2 years ago that us talking was "romantic" because I liked her, and also something 3 years ago, and I asked what she would have said if I asked her out and she said something like "maybe I'd have said yes", and then at prom we were talkng about how we were never together, and I said "what about fresh year, and she said we didnt know each other, soph year you never asked me, junior year I had a boyfriend (that she just dumped).

 

What might have ,what could have can be construed as "wanting or daydreaming for"... but that's just my take on that. It could just be endulging a fantasy...

 

- she used to bash my girlfriend, it made me think she was somewhat jealous, and I said she was, and she said "its true, I felt like I was losing my best friend" (fits into the against category too)

 

Ahh I have this, and I call girls on it. They don't want to date me, but at the same time don't want me to date other women. So, it can be interest, or that. I find that BS, and I call them on it constantly. (Unless you claim me your not keeping me from finding someone )

 

 

Support against:

- today we got tarot cards read for us, and it said that she wasn't in a relationship, but a guy was interested in her, and the reading she asked if it was me, and i tried to avoid answering, but she kept asking (but while smiling), then I said "no, I'm not" and she said "okay, good"

 

Heheh, Dude your just digging yourself a shallow grave there. Any person/woman/dog/small baby can always tell when you like someone. You can't but they can. Anyway, The tarot reader Ya, she saw it. Anyway, she was probing in a way to keep you from being let on.

 

Want to know why she asked? She wanted it to be you man, and if she didn't why not be honest. (And you're gonna say, why would she say good?) It's a cop-out. Truthfully women DESPISE telling someone they like them, I don't know why, but hey... It's the truth.

 

- a few days ago I think she also asked if I liked her, i said no, and asked why she asked and she said in the past a guy liked her because she was nice to him

 

I don't know what to say here truthfully. I mean, it could be a "probe" it could not be. She could be saying, if you like me I'll stop being your friend.

 

Considering I've had friendships that have lived through 10x what this kinda crap is with only 5-6 months of it. Its not a true friendship if it can't survive.

(Small rant here: I hate how women say they want a friend as a mate, yet get mad when a friend wants to be the mate...)

 

- she always says "bff", and even though it is half mocking of our peers, she really means be as a best friend, so I'm in the friend zone?

 

No comment, I've never really understand that term anyway. (points to the movie Just Friends)

 

- she said her dad asked if we were dating and she told him we were just friends

 

Well aren't you? Just friends. To be dating, you have to have the dating "agreed" on. Right now, all you've agreed on is your friends.

 

 

 

ill try to think of more, please I really need advice

 

Honestly, gonna go with DD's standard, "You don't know." Ask, none of these point to disinterest honestly, and the only sure fire way to know is to ask.

 

Hey, why do you find it so hard to confide in a friend?

 

Friends are the people you are supposed to confide in... Especially ones you've known for years, and are Bff's....

[hk87]

Well Budman kinda summed it up! I think you need to have a serious conversation with her, and that shouldn't be a problem since you know her really well! She always seems to be joking around and "testing the waters" with you. I think you really need to sort it out, otherwise you will constantly think "what if?"

 

Hk87

[lolok33]

Thanks for your great responsea!

 

After a little sleep, I have thought of some more, if this could help...

 

When she asked me to prom, she asked me literally 5 minutes after she broke up with her boyfriend. But, then when I said yes, a few minutes later, she said "we're just going as friends" even though nothing I said would prompt that. Just out of no where. She does that a lot.

 

A few months ago when her and her bf were breaking up (they got back together after this a few days later), I tried to be there for her, and she accused me of "wanting to be the rebound" and I know she was genuinly displeased. But, this was about 3 months ago and she still liked the guy a lot. Then a few days ago she said "I need a rebound", and I think she joked me, and I didn't know what to say so I just brought up the past and said remember when... and then said she was wrong about the past.

 

At the dance we took a few breaks, and I was getting kinda mad because I wanted to be dancing. She said that she "wasn't comfortable, so she didn't want to dance", but then I asked why and she said "because you wouldn't get a charicature before of us." Was she really uncomfortable (for another reason... like she doesn't like me)? Or just trying to make me feel guilty?

 

She's asian, and she's never really told me that she liked white guys in the past (her boyfriends have been asian, even though she has a lot of white friends, like me). But two days ago she said that she liked white guys. I was pretty surprised so I asked why, and she said "because they have more confidence than asian guys." I then asked if she thought I had confidence and she said something like "yes, you do, i've always respected that of you, you're really confident about what you do."

 

Over the last few months, whenever we talked on the phone, she'd call me the name of her boyfriend, subconsciously. Like I'd say something funny and she'd yell "Michael!!" So many times. Honestly at least once per conversation. I figured it could be significant, but it was just on the phone so maybe our voices are the same? I asked her about it and she hasn't really given me a clear answer on why she does it. Now that we've been hanging out in person lately, she still did it, so this confuses me even more (especially when she doesn't even talk to her exbf now). She did it last night and 2 days before

 

She just always says how we are friends. She's the kind of girl who's not very serious most of the time, so it's so confusing.

 

Okay this might mean a lot. Before her bf and her broke up, she asked me why he wasn't at lunch one day, and I dediced to play a joke on her, and said that he was upset. She asked why and I said because I told him that I loved the girl (he was always so jealous of her and me, it was really ridiculous). She didn't believe me at first, but then she eventually started to and said "Well.. why? it can't work... I have a boyfriend and I only like him" And just kept saying that. When I eventually told her I was kidding about the whole thing, she got really upset. I know it was a stupid thing to do, I'm only bringing it up because maybe it shows more insight. I was "probing her", that's why I did it.

 

One time when she asked if I liked her she responded with something like "you better not"

 

That's what scares me. I'm afraid to talk to her about it because if I admit that I like her, it could ruin a great summer with my best friend before we go off to college. She would feel betrayed, wouldn't she? I need to think of a way to find out her feelings without risking that. Any ideas on any possible way to do that? I know it's a lot to ask. thanks

[nottoogreen]

Above remarks by her are just the tip of the iceberg.

 

She split up and jumps into a new relationship with you. Think slowly and deeply about her feelings and her thoughts. I do not have to tell you, you can find the answer by yourself!

 

We do not want to see you here crying all over the keyboard

 

Try no to fall in love right now. Be friends, care her, give it several months and see how it goes. Keep you options open.

 

Edited: She is Asian, born locally or immigrant, 1st or 2nd gen, tell me more about her background because I got 20+ years experience in the Region.

[lolok33]

She's American-born. She has both chinese and white friends, but she doesn't act chinese at all, she acts white (not to stereotype).

 

There is an issue with time, though. We are both seniors, I am going 3,000 miles away from her college, so time is a big factor. If I'm going to do something, it has to be fast, that's why I'm trying to figure out so much what her feelings are, because I don't have time to spend just seeing if she tells me them.

[nottoogreen]

She's American-born. She has both chinese and white friends, but she doesn't act chinese at all, she acts white (not to stereotype).

 

There is an issue with time, though. We are both seniors, I am going 3,000 miles away from her college, so time is a big factor. If I'm going to do something, it has to be fast, that's why I'm trying to figure out so much what her feelings are, because I don't have time to spend just seeing if she tells me them.

 

OK, never mind the looks Asian, it does not matter now.

 

I am just baffled. You are thinking of having a LD relationship with her? Literaly 5 minutes after she broke up with her bf?

 

Please consider the odds of LD. I was thinking how you can work it out with her, but IMHO, LD no way!

 

My suggestion is serious not easy today, sorry.

 

I like to suggest summer friendship - keeps you from running into trouble finding someone else before going to college!

 

When you go to your college, you can find new friends and stable love!

 

Please consider carefuly. If you concur, please tell her you will look for new relationship at your college.

 

Makes sense?

[lolok33]

She asked me to prom 5 minutes after she broke up with her boyfriend. That was about a month ago. I don't really want a long distance relationship, that's why I need to figure this out now (whether she's interested in me or not), so that we could try something before we left, and before it's too late.

[nottoogreen]

She asked me to prom 5 minutes after she broke up with her boyfriend. That was about a month ago. I don't really want a long distance relationship, that's why I need to figure this out now (whether she's interested in me or not), so that we could try something before we left, and before it's too late.

 

Have some time with her and see. It is a big decision so take your time.

[KweenofDenyl]

For what it's worth, here's my two (female) cents:

 

I think she really likes you. She wouldn't be hedging so much and testing the waters if how YOU feel about HER wasn't important to her.

I also think she's very confused about what she wants.

 

You are, among other things, her safety net.

 

As for the summer and what should you do about all this, I say go for it. Look at it this way, if you don't, both of you will spend the summer wondering, being edgy, looking for that "definitive" clue that you won't be rejected.

Is that really any better than hearing definitively that she only wants you as a friend? (and I don't think she does)

 

And here's what I think she wants YOU to do: Show some confidence. Go crazy and look deep into her eyes and tell her (rehearse it if you have to) that you're wild about her--her beautiful eyes, her gorgeous smile. Tell her how your stomach does somersaults when she comes into the room. Tell her that you don't give a damn about anything else but making the most of these few months you have together.

 

You want to confront this. Your posts are pretty clear. I think you have the signals from her. What are you waiting for?

[nottoogreen]

Why not, sounds like fun playing with fire...

[lolok33]

Yeah I probably am her safety net. Before prom she kept saying at afterprom that I couldn't "abandon" her and I had to spend all my time with her there. I wanted to spend the time with her though, so that wasn't a bad thing.

 

It's just a lot more confusing because of her personality. She's a very strange person, but I like it for some reason.

 

Oh yeah, and at the end of prom we took a break because she was tired, and I really wanted to go back out and dance. She said something like "we have to make a compromise, you can't just get your way, we aren't dating, I'm not obligated to dance." It just seems like she brings up how we aren't dating all the time, then I get pretty upset about it and it affects me for a while.

[nottoogreen]

Yeah I probably am her safety net. Before prom she kept saying at afterprom that I couldn't "abandon" her and I had to spend all my time with her there. I wanted to spend the time with her though, so that wasn't a bad thing.

 

It's just a lot more confusing because of her personality. She's a very strange person, but I like it for some reason.

 

Oh yeah, and at the end of prom we took a break because she was tired, and I really wanted to go back out and dance. She said something like "we have to make a compromise, you can't just get your way, we aren't dating, I'm not obligated to dance." It just seems like she brings up how we aren't dating all the time, then I get pretty upset about it and it affects me for a while.

 

Upset?

 

Ok, you got a crush on her or you would not be here anyway.

 

You will be upset plenty.

 

Being upset LD will be several times the fun and expense...

[lolok33]

I don't understand where you misundersood about the LD relationship. It wouldn't be. We have 3 months before we go off to college. I'd like to have a relationship during this time, which is why I am trying to figure out her feelings now, instead of later in th summer when there would be less time to have a relationship without it being long distance. I'll cross the long distance issue when it actually happens. It's not like we leave next week.

[nottoogreen]

I don't understand where you misundersood about the LD relationship. It wouldn't be. We have 3 months before we go off to college. I'd like to have a relationship during this time, which is why I am trying to figure out her feelings now, instead of later in th summer when there would be less time to have a relationship without it being long distance. I'll cross the long distance issue when it actually happens. It's not like we leave next week.

 

Yes, I understand and thought about it.

 

If you start a relationship now, and keep it, in 3 months it will be LD - do you concur?

 

Research it, face it: LDR is almost not sustainable - do you concur?

 

So, I suggested to wait with a relationship until you are in college. (Silly me thinking too much)

 

OK, if you both want a summer relationship and you both agree to limit it to 3 months, then why not, and (perhaps me again thinking too much), this may be better for you than you having another crush (even out of pain) in a month to end up in a LDR after all.

 

 

[Budman]

Personally, I see futility in having a relationship for a set time period but that's just me.

 

I usually only like putting my efforts in something.

[nottoogreen]

Personally, I see futility in having a relationship for a set time period but that's just me.

 

I usually only like putting my efforts in something.

 

Besides who guarantees they can stick to a 3month deal - either way...

[lolok33]

Okay, this is getting off topic. I just want to know how to find out if she likes me, without directly asking her. Please just give me advice as if I never said there was 3 months before we leave for school.

 

I asked her if she wanted to do anything tomorrow and she said she just wanted to stay home and relax and not to whine about it..

 

What should I say to find out if she likes me subtly? I was thinking about asking "why do you always ask if I like you?" Is this a good idea?

[nottoogreen]

Okay, this is getting off topic. I just want to know how to find out if she likes me, without directly asking her. Please just give me advice as if I never said there was 3 months before we leave for school.

 

I asked her if she wanted to do anything tomorrow and she said she just wanted to stay home and relax and not to whine about it..

 

What should I say to find out if she likes me subtly? I was thinking about asking "why do you always ask if I like you?" Is this a good idea?

 

Asking "why do you always ask if I like you" will just get you one of her standard responses like "I don't know". Insecurity breeds insecurity.

 

Do something confident!

 

Meet her

Hold her

Gently stroke her hair, her back

Look into her eyes

Hold her closer

Gently kiss her