Going total NC

[Sobo]

just broke up with my gf of almost two years a few days ago, she said she lost it, it didn't help that her "best friend" and a guy she went out with for 2 months, was at a bar she was at, (i wasn't there) and told her he still loves her,

 

blah blah, she told me that for the last two months of our relationship, anytime she said she loved me, she didn't mean it, i took it ok at first, it got bad really soon tho,

 

I tried not to pry into her life, but i an very curious, and asked about the other guy, she says nothing is happening, i've gotten past that,

 

it was the weekend, and i got really drunk, I called her, ( i later realized 3x) she left a message on my phone, asking if i was ok and that i can still talk to her, i later told her i am sorry for calling her etc.

 

now flash to the present, well last night,

 

i talked with a bunch of ppl about this they all say, cut loose and move on,

so i told her that i needed to get somethings off my chest, i told her i don't just want to be her friend, that we will eventually be able to move on etc. we end up getting a little heated, and she gets off.

 

I am in bed now and I hear my phone, i get a text dsaying "sent you an email" so instead of laying in bed, i get out, whip out my laptop and read it, she said me being angry is making this whole thing easier on her,

 

I reply with a big rant, about things ppl told me not to tell her, like I miss you, i still tihnk about you, and how i tihnk i was too nice to her, and that she walked on me, etc.

 

a few minites later she calls me on th ephone, saying she can't believe i feel that way, that she wlaked on me etc. we got through a LONG conversation about everytihng, i was being a wussy and told her i still look at my phone and hope to see that she called, and i miss her, and that i am gonnawant her back, and that i am gonna think about her 10 years down the road etc.

 

in the end i said it will be better for me if we go NC for a bit, so A) i can get over this easier and be better off b/c i told her i DO NOT want to be her friend only, B) ( i don't know why i told her this) but i said that it would increase my chances of her coming back and realizing that she made a mistake,

 

bc i tihnk she is getting what she wants if we are firends, she no longer has the same feelings for me as i do for her, and if i am her friend i don't get what i want and she does,

 

so now my question is, in this situation, is it good for me to go Total NC and never talk to her, b/c she says she will still say hi etc.

 

Thanks, sorry its long, but i needed to ge tthis off,

[coooolsome]

Yes, you need to distance yourself. Dont tell her your doing it b/c then it looks like you are trying to get a response out of her. I can see your falling into the same pattern that I did and you dont want to do that, trust me. Be a man, she told you she doesnt love you and hasnt in the last 2 months, she is a liar. Look at her actions and not her words.

 

Yes, you becoming all crazy will make it a lot easier on her to get over you. If you want any chance of getting her back, you need to let her go.

[Sobo]

Yes, you need to distance yourself. Dont tell her your doing it b/c then it looks like you are trying to get a response out of her. I can see your falling into the same pattern that I did and you dont want to do that, trust me. Be a man, she told you she doesnt love you and hasnt in the last 2 months, she is a liar. Look at her actions and not her words.

 

Yes, you becoming all crazy will make it a lot easier on her to get over you. If you want any chance of getting her back, you need to let her go.

 

it really hurts tho, bc she kept telling me that i did nothing wrong and that i was a great bf, but still she did what she did, that made me confused, like great so I did everything perfect, and yet this is the end result???

 

i later during the convo got some stuff out, she just said it was that she fell out of love, she asked me if i could explain how you fall in love, it was such a good feeling the first time she told me, the best ever, but i could not explain it, giving her the point of how she cannot explain how she fell out of love,

 

she said some minor tihngs that i did that annoyed her, such as me being loud sometimes, and immature sometimes, but the big one was not calling her when i knew something was wrong, which i know i did not do very well, but i really never got a chance to fix it, it would happen once, and then i would say i was sorry, and it would be ok, but then it would happen again, and it just snowballed form there, ever time it happened, all of the other ones came into play.

 

but at the same time, we are young, and it was foolish to think she was the one, (she still might be) but to talk about marriage etc. like we did, it just set us up for it, well mostly me. but i always thought, hey, you never know, maybe we are different, maybe we will be th eones that are togehter with the first and only person they we were with etc.

 

i guess i'll find out eventually now won't i,

 

also wanna say thanks to everyone, i just popped on to this site at work to see if there was anytihng out there, this stuff actually helps!

[finsjm]

Trust me when I tell you - YOU WILL LOSE HER IF YOU PUSH HER!!!! Let her miss you, let her see that you are confident and secure. If she wants to be back with you she will call - if not you will have moved on and still have your self worth!! Be the victor - not the victim!! Good Luck!!!

[Sobo]

Trust me when I tell you - YOU WILL LOSE HER IF YOU PUSH HER!!!! Let her miss you, let her see that you are confident and secure. If she wants to be back with you she will call - if not you will have moved on and still have your self worth!! Be the victor - not the victim!! Good Luck!!!

 

yeah, i've heard that a lot, its hard to fight feelings tho, like i want to talk to her sometimes, she told she does too, i know sh emisses me, she told me that yesterday morning for her was really bad, she lost like 10 pounds over this, putting her at an unhealthy wieght,

 

but i think i will eventually get it in my head that it will be better this way,

 

she says she still wants to be friends, but that will only help her, and not me, so i shouldn't be friends with her, at least not for the next few months anyway?

[Sobo]

do i block her on msn, since that is really the only way she contacts me,

 

and what do i tell her the next time she tries to make contact with me,

"sorry, but i think going NC will be better for both of us"

[Bethany]

Yes, you should block her if you're going NC or she will think you can't resist her and this whole sorry situation will just continue indefinitely.

 

What to you tell her next time she tried to make contact? You do NOTHING. As far as she is concerned right now, you're GONE for good, you don't reply, you don't text her back and you are NOT her friend anymore.

 

The only time you should reply is if she tells you that she has had time to think and now wants you back as her BF- not as a friend, not when she rants and raves about you ignoring her, not that she misses you,that she needs company, that you have something of hers, you're being mean etc because YOU'RE GONE!!!!

[finsjm]

I agree. My ex wanted to be friends too, but I really think that is because he doesn't want to lose my completely. It hurts them JUST as much as us to go cold turkey!! I still have him on IM and yes, I still check, but NO I do not write!! Because the potential of getting him back because I left him alone is worth more to me. If he/she does not know what life is TRULY like without you, they will never appreciate you being in their life. It's the hardest thing in the world to do, I KNOW, but you have to. Hang in there!!!!

[Sobo]

so do i call her, or contact her and tell her that i want total NC, or just eventually let her figure out by herself?

[finsjm]

No, just let it go. Really - calling her to tell her is still calling.

[Trex]

I am going through the exact same thing right now. DON'T CALL!!! Whatever you have to do, fill your days with so many activities that you don't have time to think about it. It is ripping me apart knowing that my ex is with someone else. I mean, I've never felt so low in all my life. But I know that I MUST stay strong and NOT call.

 

You must do the same. PLEASE be strong!!!

[coooolsome]

I know it hurts. Dont look at what she is saying anymore, it will just confuse you. My ex said it wasnt me, and I was a great boyfriend but the truth is, I became a little clingy, a little boring. Sometimes they dont understand why they feel the way they do and dont realize that its something that can be fixed. I have no idea why my ex broke up with me. There are many reasons it could have been but I really dont know.

 

Look at yourself and change what you dont like. Let her contact you. Also, its not entirely your fault. You did the best you could at the time. Now is the time to change and become a better person.

 

Oh, you will lose her if you dont let go. I didnt let go and give her space and I lost her.

[Bethany]

This is something you are doing for yourself. It doesn't matter what she thinks or that you feel an urge to tell her what you are doing. Don't do it.

 

She doesn't need to know how much she hurt you, she needs to know that because you have now spilt up, she lost any chance she once had to be with you, and that you don't need her to be your friend. You want her back for good or forget it!

 

At the end of the day....What matters is that you give yourself, your feelings and emotions time to recover....This is the real reason why you should go NC. Be strong honey, you can do it.

[gaiden]

Agreed, they have said plenty of times here, NC is not a tool to get your ex back, it's a tool for you to heal.