It just isn't getting easier

[MaggieD]

... well maybe a few hours here and there, but mostly it's just painful day after painful day full or regrets and what-if's and if only's. I used to be so happy, and I haven't had a truly happy day since she left me 8 months ago. I sometimes wonder if I ever will again.

 

for background, here's my core dump about it all:

 

I made every mistake you can make when you try to get an ex back. She was considering it at times, but I pushed at every opportunity, and now she is so sick of me I will never get her back. Plus, I just feel horrible about myself. I'd like to advise others not to do that, but I knew it was stupid when I did it. It's like a panic obsession or something. Man, I hate myself for that.

 

I used to have some self control. I don't know what happened to me, but this has taken a worse toll on me than anything ever in my life before.

 

I want to feel happy again, and once and for all get over her. I know she's not good relationship material. She is deathly afraid of intimacy, can never ever admit she is wrong about anything, she avoids all conflict like the plague, so it's impossible to resolve even minor hassles, and she doesn't know the meaning of the word compromise. If only I could remember that every time I start feeling lonely for her. Not so easy given that I spent 6 yrs believing we were soulmates and expecting us to grow old together.

 

It would be easier if we could have no contact, though that would kill me too. But we have a kid and I travel for work, so I need her to watch him while I am out of town. And even though I am his biological mother and had him before she and I met, they love each other very much and she has helped raise him. I can't keep them away from each other. That wouldn't be right for my son.

 

I finally posted a personal today on the internet. I was honest and said I wasn't sure I was ready to date, but that I was ready to meet some new people and explore things a bit. Maybe if I could just feel like this isn't the end of my chances for a relationship someday I would feel better.

 

If anyone has some advice or words of solace I could sure use them right now.

[Kenobe]

Believe me, I know how you feel. After 12 years of (so I thought) happy marriage, the woman I loved left me. It's been 3 years and I still think about her every day. After a while, you really do move on. You don't cry quite as much, but the tears are still there inside. You meet someone else, but it's never quite the same. And, like with any other loss, you get up every morning, put one foot in front of the other, and make your way into an uncertain future.

It may take years. You may never have all the answers. All you have is you, and if you're lucky, good friends and family (and maybe Prosac).

 

Like the web site says, you're not alone.

[MaggieD]

Kenobe, thanks for your reply. This place does make me feel less alone, even though I don't seem to get many responses to my posts. I have good friends though. thank goodness. this place and knowing i am not alone and my friends, and my therapist help me get through the days.

 

i hope i don't still feel like this in 3 yrs. my heart goes out to you. i'm 45 and i have had 3 real relationships, each one better than the last (which is why maybe it gets harder when it ends) so i want to be optimistic and in my better days i wonder what new adventures may be out there for me. in my darker moments i worry that there won't be any. one day at a time. right?

[melrich]

Better days are ahead. You have been through a significant break up. 8 months may seem like a long time to still be feeling the way you do but I bet if you really thought about it you'd admit you are better now than you were 6 months ago.

 

It'll probably be a while yet before you can feel comfortable with reflecting on your relationship. In terms of dating again, I think you should definitely get back into it. Sure you may not be "over" your ex but after 8 months, getting out on some dates should help rather than set you back.