Not a good morning...again

[pedro]

Hi everyone. I hope all had a good weekend.

 

I was away for 6 weeks on vacation, taking care of myself and healing. I thought I was making real progress. When I returned, I found out that my ex had called and I returned her phone call.

 

We talked for about 70 minutes and it seemed to be fine. Our conversation was pretty casual and light-hearted. I did find out that she's been drinking heavily, partying more, and meeting new people. This is not what I wanted to hear. One of the great examples of why NC is good. The drinking part is totally out of character and I know it is how she's coping with what went on btn us. She also mentioned that she doesn't have patience anymore and is not the kind, cute person she used to be. Is this a front or has she really changed? There were a few things that raised my eyebrows.

 

The next day however, I really started to think about her and missed her. I called her but she was not in (or not answering her phone). I wanted to talk to her more and ask her if her feeling have changed since 3 months ago when we broke up. I'm not sure if that would do anything or only bring me back to step one.

 

This morning I can't get her off my mind. Maybe because it's b/c I had a horrible night's sleep. When we were together and I couldn't sleep, I would call her and she would calm my nerves.

 

I don't know what to do. I really though this long holiday would help me heal but I'm not so sure. I do know that I'm alittle better that how I was before. Maybe this is just a bad relapse and there will be many to come.

 

I just needed to vent, express myself, etc. I'm quite lonely this morning and don't know what to do.

[Skippy]

Sorry to hear that you are going thru so much.

 

It's crap to come back and have her call.. but you shouldnt have called her back, even less talk to her for 70 mins!! YOu went away to forget the pain your home town reminds you of, but you came back and called her, you just reminded yourself of the pain, but what is done is done cant do anything about it.

 

I would say the distance helped u heal. I will say that you should do a no contact again. Remove any memories and change your phone numbers and delete her phone number. Do not save it or write it down. You dont need it.

 

Good luck.

[thursday]

Indeed, that sucks, but you said you thought you were healing. Trust me: you are, otherwise you wouldn't be thinking it .

 

Just stick with NC.

Did u ask her why she called?

[permasmile]

I think you are at the stage where the healing has started to take hold. If the contact with your ex put you a step back, then NC seems to be the best route. I imagine this is simply a little bump in the road, but you will get back on track. Keep focusing on yourself and keep posting. Oh yes, I strongly advise you do not bring up the relationship with her.

[pedro]

I had to try my best not to bring up our relationship. It was really hard, but I wanted to keep things light. I really wanted to ask her how she was feeling about us, but I think deep down inside I know the answer. This sucks.

 

I think one of the major problems with my healing is coming back to the same apartment where we had so many memories. I mean, 70% of the furniture here was hers. My lease runs out at the end of August and I think I need a change. Moving and selling her things would signify a big step in moving on and not looking back. I want so much to do that but I can't.

 

Aside, I was talking with a friend and comparing stories. His wife cheated on him and it was so easy for him to move on and not look back. In a way, I wish my situation was so simple. My ex ended our relationship b/c she felt I wasn't good for her and vice versa, dispite being together for 5 years. It appears that she's starting to move on so why can't I????

 

I'm just messed!

[kickedwhereithurts]

It appears that she's starting to move on so why can't I????

 

Pure and simply, hard and cold, because your not letting yourself.

It all hurts, we all try and reason, but it all boils down to you letting go.

Once you have let go, moving on is easy.

You may not want to, but feel you have to, or vice versa, until you end the battle with yourself, you will never move on.