Confidence

[a2000]

I thought I would start a subject on confidence. Some people have it in bundles and some people don't.

I just wondered, if you are confident.. how would you suggest to a shy person ways in which to improve confidence?

 

I don't just mean for dating, I mean in general.. social situations etc.

[koolaidnovel]

Good one! I'm curious too...

 

Even though I have low confidence, I'm in the process of trying to raise it, and I've been going to therapy to get help...

 

Some things to consider are realizing that if you have a good outlook of yourself, other people will. Also, a lot of unconfident people will go through automatic negative thought processes. For example: they are rejected by someone they liked, and they automatically think it's something wrong with themselves. From there, their self-esteem just drops. Their confidence is low as well, because self-esteem affects confidence. So they decide that approaching new people is pointless because there is something wrong with themselves, when really... the person who "rejected" them had their own issues...

 

So part of cognitive therapy to raise self-esteem/confidence (since they are interrelated, essentially...) is to consciously change your thought processes following an incident like that. You could, for example, think alternately that there is nothing wrong with you, and you were just going after a person who didn't appreciate you as other people SHOULD, and WILL. It's all about replacing mostly untrue/ skewed thoughts into positive, realistic ones. After awhile, it should become more and more natural.

[Andy223]

try to conduct positive self talk... at times when we do stupid things we say to ourselves (man im a complete idiot... she wont like me.... im gona screw this up etc) instead... say better things about yourself.

 

This is one way, there others im sure other people will fill you in there

[flower99]

always remember that a smile makes everyone feel welcome & comfortable (and its' contagious- people smiles back, if they don't well I guess they aren't very happy people...lol).

if someone doesn't like you -who cares, there are so many more people to meet.

learn to like yourself & be proud of who you are & all you can be.

hummm...I don't know if that really helps anyone...but that is an awesome question

[justpaisley]

I learned a long time ago that if people didn't like me for who I was, they could just bugger off. I was pretty much a poser throughout my high school years, no confidence whatsoever, but when I got to college I realized that people would like me for who I was. That gave me a TON of confidence, and I started to learn that the real me was a pretty awesome person after all. I didn't have to pretend for anyone anymore.

[koolaidnovel]

I learned a long time ago that if people didn't like me for who I was, they could just bugger off. I was pretty much a poser throughout my high school years, no confidence whatsoever, but when I got to college I realized that people would like me for who I was. That gave me a TON of confidence, and I started to learn that the real me was a pretty awesome person after all. I didn't have to pretend for anyone anymore.

 

How did you "pose" in high school? Like, what kinds of things did you do that weren't "you"?

[Scotcha]

To me in a lot of ways confidence and self-esteem go hand in hand. Also, I don't believe that it has anything to do with being shy. I'm shy by nature but my self-esteem, I earned that and it turn I am confident. (I do have my moments though.)

 

There isn't any easy way to raise self-esteem. I agree with koolaidnovel that negative self-esteem can be helped by changing your thought process.

 

Confidence takes work too though. Make choices you can be proud of, work hard to achieve your goals, take care of yourself physically and emotionally, and confidence will follow.

[BlueWolf]

I didn't used to be as confident as I now am. In fact, I lacked confidence.

 

It's difficult to get the confidence up, but there is a way to do it. The way I did it is by doing what I was just afraid of doing. Speaking up, and acting out.

I am positive - without a doubt - doing this and not giving a crap about what society or people around you think is a huge booster. And after that, it just keeps on building because once you have done something like this, you say, "Hey, that wasn't so bad!" It's not only not bad, it's great and you don't have any disadvantages from it.

[BlueWolf]

Some additions:

Look at my sig for example.

We all do it and it's a shame. We're afraid to act out what feels right to us, but (like the website says), "in 10 years, will you remember what you're fretting about? In 100 years, will anyone care?"

The point is to not take things seriously when you do them. If others take what you do in the wrong way, they have their own issues of misjudgment.

[easyguy]

Like koolaid said, having that positive outlook is the key. You have to feel as though you have something to offer when you meet someone, instead of thinking, "Oh, she won't like be because I doubt she'll be into such-and-such, so why even try" or "Why would she like me?" This doesn't mean that you have to be c0cky, but don't be afraid to take chances and make a fool of yourself. Everyone goes through it.

 

I've found that working out/exercising often during the week can increase your confidence, too (and gets you in shape). It forces you to take control of yourself.

 

Hope that helps!

[Backstroke03]

First key is to put yourself in situations where you will thrive. We all have talents, or aspects that make ourself special, and the best way to feel good about yourself is to be in a position where you shine. The more you feel that, the more it will spill over into other aspects of your life, and hopefully it can be turned into a lifestyle change.