Why can't she let me go?

[settinuplife]

So I have been doing NC with my ex cause I am sick of her saying she wants to get back with me then changes her mind and runs back to her boyfriend. I am tired of being her fallback guy, her doormat, going on 2 years!

 

She desperately wanted my friendship and I finally said I cannot be friends with you anymore cause I need to get over you and move on. She became mad, and tried to pull emotional blackmail on me by saying she hopes nothing happens to her, blah blah.

 

I have been ignoring her when she texts or calls for the most part, but she keeps coming up with excuses to contact me, like she got a ticket and doesnt know where to go to pay it. Or she is wanting her CD back I have, and I felt I should give it back to her and I asked her when she wanted it and what time and I'll make sure she gets it and she said "forget it, it's not worth your attitude." I then said "fine with me" and then cussed her out through text for being an a**.

 

A day goes by and she will think of another excuse to contact me. Then she will add a "I'm sorry things are so bad between us." I did not reply to that...yet. Don't think I will.

 

I am starting to stand up for myself more and not be her doormat and have a stronger personality with her, which means I am not taking her crap anymore. She and her boyfriend are moving out of state and that was one reason I decided to cut her off because she's moving and a month earlier when her and her boyfriend were fighting she told me she wanted to be with me again here and didn't want to move with him.

 

I actually believed her, that she wanted me back. I just don't get her at all. Now she's still trying to stay in touch with me even though I said I didn't want her friendship anymore and didn't want contact. Don't you think if she was really happy with her boyfriend she'd be able to let me go? Why is she still trying mess with me?

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Geez if she's got a new live in boyfriend that she's moving out of state with, then yes, it sounds pretty reasonable for you to 'do NC', permanantly. If I were you I would really move on. Look for someone who's better for you.

[Sir Ulrich von Lichtenstei]

I do agree that you need to find someone else - she just has issues and she'll do nothing but bring you down.

 

Some girls really just can't let go. It's an obessive thing that she can't really control. Some of it she can (like bouncing back and forth between you) but the part where she can't stop talking to you - that's deeper.

 

One part of her wants a 100% guarantee that if she loses the guy she's interested in now, that she'll have someone who'll catch her when she falls.

 

The other half is glued to you because that's what she knows. She knows you, she's used to you, and you're conveniant for her.

 

She may also value your friendship and comes to you when she thinks they're through because she can trust you.

 

It's probably a combination of all three to some degree. It's hard to know without actually knowing the person.

 

I admit I have recently talked to my exes . Sometimes I found myself thinking "what if I was with them?" I don't know why. Maybe I talked to them to check up on their lives and see how they're doing? I really don't mean anything by talking to them, and i never went to them or asked to meet up with them. (Recently i decided that once and for all i would just drop them after 4 years...)

 

There are so many things that could contribute to her behavior. What do you think is most likely the problem?

[settinuplife]

She has bounced between the both of us for the past year. She fights with him she comes to me, then back to him. I have tried to be her friend since we broke up almost 2 years ago, but it is getting to that place where I am sick of her and NEED to move on if I'm not going to get anywhere with her. Tired of waiting for her to come back. She wants her cake and eat it too.

 

I go back and forth lately from missing her to hating her, I hate the emotional rollercoaster.

 

It could be she's still attached to me cause she has crappy parents and not alot of friends and I have almost continually been there for her for 2 years. I explained I had to let her go cause she was moving and she was hurt by that. I explain I need to move on and get over her and it doesnt seem to register with her. She just pulls "what about my feelings."

[tylercdurden2004]

Sounds like she is playing you BIG time. Drop her like a bad habit, which it sounds like she is. If you have been upfront and asked her directly what she wants thats all you can do. At this point her actions speak louder than her words.

[Sir Ulrich von Lichtenstei]

if she starts with "what about my feelings?" - just say "you have your own boyfriend to worry about your feelings. I have my own life to worry about and I am moving on." If you dont plan on talking to her ever just drop it cold turkey.

[sweetsmile70]

Who broke up with whom here and how come you didnt go for NC after the break-up? Was it bc you were hoping it would be you and her again?

Well, she seems to be obsessed by you and she needs lots of confirmation to feel good about herself and she gets that from you everytime you are nice to her.