am I wrong for being upset?

[shorty20]

So, I have this really good guy friend, we'll call him Brian. We've been friends since highschool, but recently have become really close. I've never thought of him as anything more than a friend, and never would. Not that I'm not attracted to him, it's just that I like what we have going now, and I wouldn't want to ruin it. So, we hang out on a weekly basis and he's pretty much the only guy I've ever been able to trust myself with as far as drinking together goes. Up until this past weekend, I've always felt safe with him. I felt comfortable that if I did get a little too drunk that he'd be there for me and make sure nothing happened to me, which he has been there for me many times. I've stayed at his house numerous times before, and nothing ever happened... he never even attempted to try anything so I felt confident that we were on the same page.

 

Well, this past weekend pretty much opened my eyes. He came to one of our parties with 2 other friends. My friend was in town, and the whole night went great. We were all laughing and having a good time, but every time I'd drift away from "Brian" he'd always have his eye on me... no big deal, right? He's just keeping a watch on me and making sure I'm ok... but every time his friend started talking to me or would friendly put his arm around me, "Brian" would either just stare or call me over to him and tell me to "watch myself with him" because he said his friend would do anything to get some. So, it's about 2am and I'm exhausted not to mention I have to be up early in the morning to go to church for mother's day. I tell "Brian" that I want to go to bed, and then him and his two friends just sort of go into my room and make themselves at home.. one of his friends on the floor laying next to my friend, and then himself and his other friend in bed with me! I was furious... I just wanted to go to sleep, and not next to some weirdo I'd just met! I told Brian this, that if it was just him I'd be fine, but that I didn't want his two strange friends crashing in my bed! He said he wasn't ok to drive. So the entire night I'm trying to fight off his friend who won't quit trying to put his arm around me/grope me... and his other friend is on the floor trying to get some from my friend. My friend has a boyfriend and told him this... his response? "Rings don't block holes"... wow. I've known this guy for a long time and had never ever seen him act like this.

 

So now I'm stuck. I'm furious that a friend I trusted so much let me down so hard... I don't know, maybe it was my own fault for letting them get that trashed. Nothing happened at all, it was just a bad bad situation and for some reason I've kind of lost alot of trust in my friend. Also, both of his other friends wanted to leave but "Brian" said he wasn't ready yet because he was their ride and he wasn't ok to drive... this was at like 2am when I wanted to go to sleep but both of the guys were completley sober so one of them could have driven. Then one of Brian's friends blurted out "Dude, lets just go, you're not going to get any"... my friend said that one of his friends had pulled her aside and told her that Brian had been trying to get on me for a long time... I'm confused. I thought we were on the same page and just friends. I don't know whether to express my anger to him, and how he let me down, or to just start playing up the friend thing hardcore to see if he gets the hint.... I have no interest in being with him at all. Please help!

[dopexile]

haha not to be a jerk but the "rings don't block holes" made me cry laughing. That's just bad. But it sounds like all these guys are just a bunch of sleezebags trying to score... and you don't have any interest in them so it's not good.

 

Also I wouldn't let people put their arm around you in a situation like this.. it may be giving them the wrong signals. Much less touching you in bed. It's just a bad situation altogether.. I wouldn't let all those people stay at your place again.. at least that way if things go bad you can get out of the situation. You need to be real direct with them and tell them how it is... and if they won't respect that then it's time to move on.

[shorty20]

the thing is that I tried to get them to leave, but since they had been drinking at my apartment I would feel responsible if they were drunk and drove home and got in a wreck. I told my friend that I wanted them to leave, but he said he wasn't sober enough. I just don't know whether to have a talk with him about it. I don't know if I even have a right to be mad, or if it's my own fault...

[dopexile]

I understood that they were drinking.. but I'm going to call this one partially your fault. You let them put their arms around you, let them come to your place, let them sleep on your bed.. let them touch you in the bed.. didn't make them leave when they acted inappropriately.

 

You need to just put your foot down sooner.. you let them all over your body and let them run things at your place. These things are not acceptable, you need to tell them how it is next time instead of them doing what they want.

 

If you can't get control of things at your fort you shouldn't let them come over there so you can ditch if things go sour. And for next time draw the line of friendship and when they cross it call them out immediately.. don't just go along with it.

 

And it also sounds like you may need to talk to the one guy and clarify that you are just friends and nothing more. That alone might repel them from being jerks. Remember as soon as they figured out that your friend wouldn't put out they wanted to take off immediately.. so you can play that to your advantage. And also perhaps these guys just don't play nice when they get trashed...

[shorty20]

thanks for the advice... I will need to have a talk with him before we drink together again.

[Third Wheel]

In my opinion, I think Brian did the right thing, or atleast as far as he could in that situation. I don't know how everyone ended up sleeping in your room, but he was atleast acknowledging that he couldn't drive safely then. I mean, even if it was a bad situation, its probably better then a drunken crash in the middle of the night. I think maybe taking "strangers" with you when you're drinking wasn't hte best idea, but, hey, its not that bad, right? Don't be too mad at your friend, I think he was just trying keep everyone safe...hopefully.