Men and Eye Contact

[OceanEyes]

Howdy all!

 

I wasn't really sure where to put this, but I figured that this forum was probably the most ambiguous, so here goes ...

 

I've noticed a trend in 99% of the men that I have some type of verbal interaction with and was wondering what other people have to say about it, and am interested in some different perspectives.

 

I don't understand why, when having some type of conversation with a male, he can't maintain eye contact for more than a second or two at a time. What's going on with that? Is it a normal thing? Am I just too loud and intimidating?

 

I only ask because when I speak with female friends, they can maintain eye contact (looking away here and there, of course) throughout a conversation.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I haven't really paid attention to that phenomenon, but now that you mention it, I guess the women I know do tend to make eye contact with me more than the men I know.

 

My thoughts are that I honestly prefer the lack of eye contact if I had to choose between the two. But a happy medium would be nice.

 

There's this one guy who I see a lot through my work, and he's a decent guy and nice, polite all that.... but he always stares at me like maybe he's gonna put a hole through me! and maybe I'm a little dense, largely through choice, but I don't really get it.

[koolaidnovel]

I haven't noticed this...

 

Maybe they're attracted to you, or just nervous and shy...

[annie24]

hmmm.... interesting question.... I know that when I've been on dates with men that are interested in me, they lock eyes with me and don't look away. But, when the man is not too interested, I notice their eyes looking away every few seconds, even if our conversation is interesting. I've actually learned to use that to gauge how interested a man is in me. The longer he holds my gaze, the more interested he is.

 

As for everyday life (ie, not dates!) I haven't noticed that. Perhaps they are nervous if they aren't holding your gaze very long. Either that or they really don't like you, for whatever reason, or maybe you have garlic breath.

 

I'll keep a look out from now on for sure!

[justwonderingkid]

it depends.. cuz. i really like this one girl and i dont really lock eyes with her or anything xD

[annie24]

Is it because you are shy and nervous?

[Lady Bugg]

I think if a guy looks at me too long is kind of creepy to be honest.I think locking eyes for 2-3 seconds a little smile, then looking away is sufficient to let me know he's interested in some way. This being if we've never gone out....

 

Now someone I am DATING, YES, eye contact is important..but I agree with Annie. if he's interested,

you should have his FULL attention.

[DropToZero]

It's just a low self-confidence thing, I've had that with a girl I've on-and-off dated. It doesn't drive me crazy, but it helps to know someone's really telling the truth and cares when they can look you in the eyes and speak. I've literally had to put my hand on her chin, pull, and kind of ask her to look me in the eyes, she was drunk one time and said she didn't feel like she was good enough for me. So...there-in lies the problem, but yeah...it's just depends on how shy and confident someone is to see if they can hold your glance. Personally, though, if I've ever had a girl I couldn't look in the eyes, it's because I'm lookin at her body...and I'm not really trying to...my eyes just wander ...can't help it.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

It's just a low self-confidence thing, I've had that with a girl I've on-and-off dated. It doesn't drive me crazy, but it helps to know someone's really telling the truth and cares when they can look you in the eyes and speak. I've literally had to put my hand on her chin, pull, and kind of ask her to look me in the eyes, she was drunk one time and said she didn't feel like she was good enough for me. So...there-in lies the problem, but yeah...it's just depends on how shy and confident someone is to see if they can hold your glance. Personally, though, if I've ever had a girl I couldn't look in the eyes, it's because I'm lookin at her body...and I'm not really trying to...my eyes just wander ...can't help it.

 

....this is kind of how I feel about the issue too. To me, I'm not going to judge someone positively or negatively because they have low self esteem or whatever. I figure if someone's been kicked around a few times, then maybe they will actually be a more empathetic person, than someone who's very confident and has had everything handed to them. I don't think I would assume someone was a better person if they were trying to bore a hole through me with their eyes, if anything, it might make me think they were a bit too pushy, or maybe just odd. Same exact thing goes with handshaking. There's a whole culture out there about shaking hands firmly. I can squeeze someone's hand quite hard if that's what I want to do. I could be a really bad dispicable person and still be able to exert the exact correct amount of pressure on someone's hand during a handshake. And I'm sure others can too. So I really don't get the whole big deal about it, it's just a formality that anyone can go through the motions of. Personally, I'd prefer not to have to shake hands, but that there might be another thread.

[OceanEyes]

Either that or they really don't like you

 

OUCH!! lol

 

I'm not wondering whether or not a man is interested in me. I've been in a relationship for over three years now, so I'm not looking for signs of attraction or interest whatsoever.

 

I was just curious - on a totally non-romantic/ sexual/ attraction-oriented level - if other men did this, because my female friends don't.

 

If I was single, and really wanted to know whether or not a guy was interested in me, I'd probably do something drastic, rather than agonizing over subtleties like eye contact (which I don't find reliable).

[annie24]

LOL

 

hmmm.... I dunno. My male coworkers always look me in the eye and don't look away unless they are showing me something on the computer screen, etc...

 

but, I am on my way out the door. I will see if the men I interact with can't look.

 

PS - are they looking at your chest instead? or all they all seriously ADD?

[Ross_K]

Are you drop dead gorgeous? If so that could be making a lot of men a little shy with maintaining eye contact with you.

[tmp0620]

It's definitely a self confidence thing. You are very pretty though, so they are probably attracted to you and feel awkward about it. Ever heard the Radiohead song "creep"?

 

"When you were here before

Couldn't look you in the eye

You're just like an angel"...

 

Sorta like that.

 

I cannot make eye contact with girls that I'm interested in. I have super low self esteem and feel completely unworthy of looking them in the eyes. For example, I was talking to this girl I've been into for WAYYY too long a couple years back. She was obviously not nervous at all and trying to have a conversation with me, but I couldn't look her in the eye at all, so instead I kinda looked down at the floor. She probably thought I was looking at her chest. Another girl wanted to have a staring contest with me... that about killed me... I just wanted to melt away.

[melrich]

I don't know if there is anything scientific in what I am going to say but as a man, my personal feeling is that for men, prolonged eye contact is aggressive. It feels aggressive and challenging of the other person and myself, I break it up into bites of eye contact.

[OceanEyes]

I cannot make eye contact with girls that I'm interested in. I have super low self esteem and feel completely unworthy of looking them in the eyes.

 

Awww that's rough! You don't honestly believe that you're not worthy, do you? That's crazy talk, because you most certainly ARE!

 

And Melrich - I agree with you that prolonged eye contact does seem aggressive and somewhat awkward.

[tmp0620]

I absolutely consider myself unworthy. I have some issues