Problems with ejaculation ;(

[rookie]

I have no idea whatsoever how things work for other guys, but for me I can "get it up" after an orgasm as many times as I have tried. All I need is 3-5 minutes and I can have sex again, which naturally is great. However, I have a problem with control of my ejaculation which is not so great at all .

 

If I try to have sex on my first go it ends no good, I end up with a premature ejaculation (and not a very satisfying one at that) some 5 minutes into it. The best explanation I can come up with is this: girls turn me on, lol. I don't have sex with girls that I find unattractive, they always are stunning, and they do not need to go down on me in order for me to get turned on. In fact, usually by the time we do get to sex, after all the foreplay, stripping, kissing, touching etc…. I am rather turned on, and from there sex often does not last as long as I would like it to. Kind of embarrassing to admit I guess, but oh well. Some friends told me it happens to me because I don't watch porn. well that is true, speciation of some overweight brute "doing" a fake-moaning girl never really appealed to me much.

 

Early on in my sexual life, one of my came up with the solution that I still use. Since I can easily have sex twice or trice in a row, we (my partner and I) simply made my first ejaculation a part of the foreplay experience either through oral sex, 69, or some other method. This naturally made my life easier, but brought new problems that I still face.

 

So as it stands I ejaculate once by some means before the actual sex, but then one of four scenarios usually happens during sex.

 

The most optimal one naturally being the "desired effect." I get to have sex for a good amount of time (30 minutes/ejaculation) that is enough for my partner to finish at least once if not more. And I finish as well and rather enjoyably. After that I can go on another time, and another, until we are tired, sometimes we take breaks and then go back to it.

 

The most dreadful scenario, and this only happened once (and I hope never again) is a series of premature ejaculations 0_o. I ejaculate with very little pleasure and in a very short amount of time, followed by that 5 minute period to get ready again, and I went again…. Was done in probably two minutes flat! Tried again in a fiver. That night I probably went through five condoms and reached no effect whatsoever, I can't describe how irritated I was, not to mention how lame I felt in front of my partner.

 

One more "the most" - The most typical scenario, or the one that happens the most is that for some reason I just can't finish. I just last, well forever it seems. During sex, my lady finishes sometimes 3 or 4 times and sex lasts well over and hour, sometimes over two, to the point where we just can't go on. Although it feels great I just can't finish. When my girl is dead tired we usually go back to oral sex, this is probably some of the best oral sex, or for that matter sex that I get. I'm much more sensitive to that and it does the trick to finish me with a great orgasm.

 

And #4 scenario is like the one I have just described above, however I don't finish even with oral sex, my partner might be working on me for perhaps a quarter of an hour and I will still not finish. Sometimes it just ends with her giving up and being a bit frustrated… I never thought about this but I guess girls want to make sure guys finish just like guys always stress about girls finishing. Anyway, either that or at one point with her giving me oral sex the sensation and pleasure gets so strong that I just can't take it anymore and I pull her away from my penis, by maybe kissing or something else (naturally not pushing her off the bed or something of that sort). That is the strangest of all, it is not an ejaculation but it feels BETTER than orgasm, my whole body goes numb and I have nothing to compare it to. Once I cool down a bit and start controlling my breath It makes me even more horny than before sex (as opposed to tired as after an orgasm) so I guess its not an orgasm. But this is usually when we stop because my partners body (mouth and everything else) had enough for one night, keep in mind that with the extra oral this is about two and a half hours of very active sex.

 

What I have just desribed might seem nice and not "a problem" … and to be honest it is nice, and different, and sometimes even practical because as opposed to ending with an orgasm ending dry keeps me awake much better than two red-bulls (as opposed to being tired after an extensive orgasm)…. Which is great for morning sex by the way .

 

God this is really long, I'm sorry I'm not used to forums. Anyway MY PROBLEM: I want to know how to control myself better. How do I hold it in when I need to, and how do I "let go" when it's time to finish up? I think controlling myself better would make my sexual life more normal… for now it is really strange for my partners who I guess are NOT TOO used to going to sleep with a guy who still has a boner after 2 hours of sex.

 

Any ideas? My info Male 21, little sex experience (3 years with longer breaks)

 

thanks

[Jax]

As for your problem with pre-mature ejaculation, you could try to masturbate before you start. That way, you will not be so sensitive when you first have sex. And in regards to your problem with not ejaculating at all sometimes; what will probably help is if you picture your favorite sexual fantasy. Visualize yourself in it, and you should ejaculate in no time. Don't tell your partner that you weren't thinking about her though, cause that'll piss her off.

[rookie]

as for premature... that is why i come once during foreplay, so mastrubation will not help. Problem is that I constantly come premature on ocasion.

Its basically like this, guys: you know the feeling you get a minute or so before you ejaculate, that "momen of no return" sort of a tingle? Well, rarely when I have sex I get this tingle as soon as I get a boner, and from there it only takes a few minutes to finish ](*,) WHYYY?

 

the only good thing is that the above is very rare, more common is the second case. I can't finish at all, and again I'm sorry to say but your advice will not help

 

any other ideas? please help

[Cardinal]

For the most typical scenario

 

I think part of the problem is that you are too concerned about having another orgasm once you have had your first or second. Relax!! I often last a looong time. Sex for my g/f and I ends after her second or third orgasm usually. You know you can eventually wear your g/f out (which is great). If I haven't come by then at least once, I am not too worried about it. Since I haven't orgasmed, I know that in an hour or two she is going to get another surprise and that I will redouble my efforts in a very exciting way for her. Something to look forward to. It is that much more intense for me the second sex session later on.

 

If you seem to last 'forever', take that as a blessing. There isn't any reason your g/f should need to work so incredibly hard when it isn't happening. Just relax and let her continue to pleasure you in other ways. Don't take this the wrong way but you sound like some women do when they say they can't have an orgasm. They are so focused on it and both partners end up frustrated when it doesn't happen. No reason for that.

 

For the most dreadful scenario

 

To avoid continous premature ejaculations, I think masturbating beforehand WILL help you. But you need to be consistent about it. Not only do you need to do it beforehand or during foreplay, but you should consider regulating how often you masturbate in general. Do it several times the day before and every other day as well. Pick a frequency that lets you last about how long you want to. Don't do it three times one day, once the next, none the third day, and six times the fourth. See what I am getting at?

 

If you want to learn more about yourself, you need to experiment. And to experiment, it helps to control for other variables that might be impacting what you want to learn about. I always err on the side of masturbating too frequently, so I can and do last a long time. It is much more important for me to please my girlfriend and last a long time than to have an orgasm myself. I'd much rather see and feel the sparks fly for her.