Stuck up or is he a freak?

[xtina75]

I need some honesty here. I have come to the conclusion that I don't like some of my bfriend's hobbies/actions b/c I am worried what people will think of him/me. But it's not just little stuff...like at easter, he told my family he used to bite his cats to tame them, just like the cat's mother would. I have a really conservative family and I wanted to die. So fine, it sounds kind of stupid but this happens all the time. And he gets annoyed when I try to edit him. He also likes to attend a spiritually forum in the city (Landmark--anyone ever been?) which sounds a little cultish, but maybe I am wrong. He's looking for answers but not in the same places as me...I don't mean to paint a 100% ugly picture because on a day to day basis I know I love him. I just want to know if anyone out there has ever dated anyone that sometimes made them cringe? Am I being shallow? Focosuing on our differences is not going to keep us together but man, somedays they are glaringly apparent.

[Jorus Cbaoth]

like at easter, he told my family he used to bite his cats to tame them, just like the cat's mother would.

 

Sorry, but that made me laugh. This reminds me of the movie Meet the Parents, when he tells them about how he "milked his cat".

[xmrth]

What is considered normal is what is familiar to us and what we can relate to.

 

There's a time and a place to bring up certain things, and I don't know if it's because he's not understanding that, or if he is trying to be funny or open using realities in his life. Or if he thinks nothing of it.

 

I haven't dated anyone who made me feel weird or embarrassed, but what I would do in that case is question whether or not they are too different for me to handle. It's fine to have differences, but being weirded out is a little bit different from that, too.

 

So no, I don't think you're being shallow, but is it something you can live with?

Maybe bring up the topic and help him to understand there is a time and a place for those kind of things, and also to understand the difference in who he is to say that to exactly. I don't think it's censoring, because there's tons of things people keep to themselves or share with the "right" kind of people, by default. Maybe he just needs to learn who to keep those things to.

 

I don't think him telling your family he bites cats is appropriate, either. But I also think everyone's done something a little strange like that (maybe not LIKE that), but it's not something to share to those kind of people. He might just need help understanding that.

[tmp0620]

I've heard about the Landmark forum, and from what I've heard it's not "cultish" at all. It has a lot to do with psychology and is sorta supposed to help you realize how to move forward in life etc.

[xtina75]

What is considered normal is what is familiar to us and what we can relate to.

 

I completely agree with this statement but don't you think as you age your idea of what is "normal" changes? Like when my bf and I first started dating 10 yrs ago I had come from a relatively sheltered background and found pretty tame things abnormal. Now, looking back, I see that I needed to open my eyes more. So I am wondering if maybe in another 10 yrs I will realize that he wasn't all that abnormal. Ah the mental circles!

 

another question: Is the ideal relationship one that is unconditionally accepting? Because if I came home w/purple hair, a green pirate patch, wearing a clown suit, and I told him that I was going to blow my savings so I could start a foundation for poodles against Oprah he would hug me and say, great, as long as you are happy I am happy. Sigh, I wish I could do that. But something is stopping me. This is when I feel like I am the a-hole.