Lost in the Wrong Kind of Love

[lazy_day_blues]

There is this guy I really like, but I dont kno if he's gay or not. We're pretty close, and the signs are all there...I just don't know how i can tell him! He pretends to like this one chick, but i kno what pretending looks like (i did it for a couple years) and that's exactly wut he's doing. Pretending. Im not out..but i still want to kno if he feels the same way i do? We pass each other in the halls at school and try not to smile at each other, he bumbs into me on purpouse a lot, and he does stare at me on the bus when we talk to each other. I just dont kno when is a good time to ask him...and how? Cant someone help me?

[ocrob]

Well, you are pretty young and it is not too common to come out at your age. If he is not ready, then give him space and just be a friend. I can't imagine coming out at your age. That is pretty impressive. That is a hard thing to do at your age. Becareful because it is not exactly a safe thing at your age. Becareful because people in school are not so understanding. If you lived in my area, I would offer to be your older brother and kick some butt, but I am not in your area. Good luck my friend.

[Yvette84]

Well, I don't think you should come out and say "are you gay??"

you should subtly ease it out and get hints. He may not be, and you could just be getting the wrong idea. Or he could be and doesn't want anyone to know, (especially if he doesn't know you are) So you may just want to get to know him more, and I am SURE you will find out whether he is or isnt' in time.

[Daddy Bear]

well, there are enough signs there that i wouldn't lose hope, but i wouldn't come right out and ask him either, for the simple reason that he may not have decided what he wants to be yet. why not just keeping hanging with him as much as you can and let nature take its course? you have all the time in the world.

 

oh, i think i just more or less rephrased yvette84's post. sorry, darlin'. didn't mean to plagiarize.

[ocrob]

Hi Lazy,

 

I just read your post again and I think you are in a very tough situation. I think that you need to let this guy pursue you because he either is not gay or is in denial. I am wondering if you are openly gay and if he knows you are gay? This guy could really like you as a person or even have feelings, but be confused. I am surprised that you are openly gay at your age. That takes a lot of confidence. I am sure you can imagine how others may not be so strong. If this guy is truly gay, he still may fight it and he may be in denial. I would suggest spending as much time alone as you can and just be a friend and see where it goes. You are so very young. I lost my virginity at your age and that was so young a long time ago. I can't believe you have already determined you are gay at this age. I am curious if your school knows and if this guy does? It makes a difference to your question. Wow, I feel old because you could be my son. Be good son.

[Imaginary]

Give time time... specially at your age. Do you even know him? you say you are close, but are you really? if you are, you could come out to him, if you feel he won't tell anyone. (keeping in mind you might actually have the wrong idea and he might not have feelings for you or be gay... at all) and if you don't talk often, try to initiate conversations with him.

Or if you don't think you can come out to him yet, test the waters... talk to him about gay marriages, about any organizations nearby... but keep it casual, and try to work them into a conversation without making a big deal out of them. And try to don't look uncomfortable or anxious around him if you do.

 

[OT]Also, I just HAVE to ask about your avatar... what's it about?[/OT]

[lazy_day_blues]

Thanks for all u guys support. I think I'll just take my time with him. He really is in denial..its kind of sad. I do live in a "somewhat" rural area, and open gays arnt like common; im not that open about it but a lot of my friends kno. I'll just wait till I can be 100% sure that he is gay, or I'll wait for him to come to me...I'll continue to do the things I've been doing to kinda hint that Im into him...I just dont know how i'll ever be able to tell him, or ask him...If you would like I'd love the support and the help if you'd like;I'd really appreciate it...

[Sylph]

I have to disagree with the people saying you shouldn't just ask him. This whole situation can be resolved so much more easily than spending the next few weeks/months hinting. Personally I'd suggest taking him asside somewhere, away from where anyone might listen in, and say something along the lines of 'Don't take any offence to this but do you like other guys?'

 

If he says no then there's nothing lost, nothing gained and it's over any done with. If he says yes then all the better, you can work from there on your own I'm sure. The beauty of the wording of the question is that it doesn't prove that you're gay, so he can't go off and start going on about what a "fag" you are to everyone.

[jon 13]

i personally think younger and younger people are coming out. lol im 14 and out too.

[AwdreeHpburn]

be careful of what??

 

What other people might think??

 

Isn't this like, cure homophobia month or something?? Didn't someone JUST post about go ahead a tee off a homophobe??

 

Ok- I'm mostly kidding of course, I don't want to encourage some one to do something that is possibly dangerous because unfortunatley people ARE still uncomfortable being asked if they're gay.

 

ESP if they are and are trying to hide of deny it.

 

I say, be careful and very, very patient.

[Sylph]

Didn't someone JUST post about go ahead a tee off a homophobe??

Yes, it was you >_>;

 

I agree that you have to be careful, expressing yourself is all very well but if you're going to face physical violence and verbal abuse because of it then sometimes it's better to play it safe. That's just a fact of life, sometimes you've got to use discretion.

[lazy_day_blues]

The dance was horrible...seeing him there with her...he didnt even dance with her he was trying to avoid her. His face was red the entire time i talked to him and I couldnt help but think they both were staring at me(him and his date) They could be like me and my best friend; kno each others secrets and all. And she's just pretending to be his date and all. Anyways she has a boyfriend from some other school. He must be pretending. I'll take Sylph's advice and ask him like that...in a secluded place when it is just the two of us... I hope I'll be able to work up the courage...If anyone has any more help I'd apprecaite it once again...it really does help me.

[Daddy Bear]

if you're going to put him on the spot like that and ask him something so intensely personal, i just hope you'll find the right words that won't make him feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. good luck!!

[lazy_day_blues]

thanx..i hope i can find the right words...i still dont kno when i can find the right time to ask?! I'll find a way...

[jon 13]

heh gl.