How to turn your life around?????????????

[ScaredFawn]

Hi everyone!!!

I really need your help in this, I am terribly lost and I have been for years. I have grown up in a family scared of the world, with overprotective parents. I have always been a loner, the reject of the class, never had friends, never cared anyway. I never went to parties or drank or anything before I got a gf from the net 4 years ago. I don't have much life experience, and I barely know myself. I have no clue what I want to do with my life. I know I want to study and start a carreer but I have no idea in what. Ok, here's the deal... I am 24 years old. I am not very emotionally stable, Ive had depressions since the age of 14... I have never had a job in my life, after I finished high school at 17 I kind of locked myself up at my parent's until I met and moved with my current gf 2 years ago. I have always been anixous socially... at 19 my father said I could get welfare for unemployment, and I did. 400CND a month. Then a few years later, at 22, he decided to pressure them into labelling me severely disabled (I know Im not, I just lack social skills, confidence, experience...) and it was hard but he kept bîtching about it and they granted it to me. Biggest mistake of my life... ever since then, I am stuck on it. I get 800CND a month, almost as much as a full time minimum wage job, but I feel useless. I have no purpose in this life. I wake up to nothing everyday. And I dont know if I have the capacities to do what everyone else is doing, have a job, a schedule, will I be able to take it mentally and emotionally? I am very fragile. I've never done it. My father is always nagging that I can't lose that label, because he wont be able to get it back, and if I try working and I cant, or going back to school, I will be stuck with 400$ a month and I just signed a lease with my gf for an apartment. I cant really gamble with my situation. I feel helpless, and stuck with no way out. Im constantly pressured by my father to not do anything, and just stay on welfare, but I feel like a worthless piece of crap. I am severely unhappy, I have been useless for the past 7 years and my gf is extremely active and successful on her side. I have no clue what I could see myself working in anyway. We are moving this Saturday to the city from the country, and I will look for volonteer work and see if I can at least do that. It is going to be the first time in 7 YEARS of my young life that I do something productive. I am terribly depressed right now, Ive been spending my life crying and hating myself, and obsessing over new issues everyday to occupy my mind. What do you think of my situation and how can I get out of it? Please keep in mind my upbringing and that my dad has been telling me forever that Im a nutcase and taught me to fear everything and everyone in life. Sigh..................... help, anyone???

[AwdreeHpburn]

Have you thought about seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist? I mean, if you're on assistance, do you have a case worker? Maybe you could find out and get help with what your options are. I bet a psychologist would set your dad straight on where exactly you are and that you're not a nutcase.

 

I think a volunteering job is a perfect idea and a way to start off slowly. it will help you build your confidence, gain some skills and learn to interact socially.

 

Maybe you should start having less contact with your dad. I don't mean stop talking to him or remove him from your life, just talk to him less frequently. He sounds well intentioned, but he may be unintentionally doing more harm than good.

 

SF - I think you'll be just fine, honestly. I was a late bloomer. I got my very first job when I was 20 years old and my driving permit when I was 21. I didn't even have an ID card until I was issued my driving permit. No worries, I think I caught up well and I think you will too.

 

Just start off slowly and build your confidence. Celebrate your successes and shrug off your mistakes (while learning from them.)

[Lita43]

Hi Hon,

I've talked to you before about your relationship and now I will give you some advice that will hopefully get you along further.

I know exactly what you are feeling and I too have had my time in the past to only feel like "A Piece of Crap!!!"

Your Dad took all of your self esteem away as mine did to me and I am so sorry you have to go through this!!! Really, cuz it takes some time to get out of it!

My Dad was physically and emotionally abusive to me, so only through the good grace of God and prayer I did survive and finally so happy in my life.

I hated my Dad so much and when I was about 15, I lay awake in bed thinking of the most crazy things.

Didn't even forgive him till I was 33 and he has mellowed alot, but will never forget.

It's kind of funny how he always said that I would never amount to anything and have more in my life than he could ever have!!!

He doesn't even own his own home and I had a career as a dental lab tech and even worked in a clothing factory.

I made full garments for photoshoot in the company's catalogue.

The last thing in the world that I am is stupid and he always made me feel stupid and even though I can be flakey at times, I am really not!!!

I am not always articulate or sound like I have a brain, but geeeeeeeeeez if you are tired or stressed on a situation, blah, blah, it's Ok!!!!

No judge, no crime!!! Don't care, cuz it's just me!!!

Take care and write me on the site or PM, cuz I'm around here and there.

Well I try anyway, since I always spend time with the kids and do have to clean the house, do laundry, etc. and have 13 pets.

Let me explain as I have a dog, a cat, and 11 rodents, since I have a rodent fetish. They are all very spoiled!!!

My babies are so cute and have the most awesome personalities.

I have 3 degu's, 4 dwarf hamsters and 4 gerbils. High maintenance, but so worth it!

My family is more than cool and wish you could find your way in life to get what you want, so you really have to get serious with what you want and "Go There!" No matter how hard you think it is and it will be, but have to make the move.

I will support you all I can, so think about this and good luck!!! Let Me Know How It Goes, Ok???

 

Always, Lita~

 

God Grant Me The Serenity To Accept The People I Cannot Change, The Courage To Change The One I Can and The Wisdom To Know It's Me!

 

Quote: "Every Day You Don't Learn Anything New Is A Day Wasted!" Lita~

[ScaredFawn]

Hi Lita, thanks for replying to me, again. I am really sorry to hear your dad has treated you the way he as! How did you manage to get out of that situation? I imagine the rage must have got you through? In my case, my father is not mean to me. He is only overprotective, and he puts me down and underestimates my capacities cause he thinks Im too fragile for the world... The result is the same tho, I don't believe in myself as a result. My parents are pretty antisocial themselves. They've never had friends for as long as I can remember. I have tons of cousins, but have seen them once or twice. They never went out and had fun or went anywhere without us... My dad has worked as a part time night genitor were he would be alone in a big building, and my mom has worked as a babysitter at our home since I was 6. I should be more social then if I was surrounded by kids after 6? Well I guess you know how they everything happening to a child before 6 molds them into who they are going to be? And the fact that my sister hated me didn't help. She is not socially involved either. Shes never had a bf, never really had friends, her life is online, doesnt work, she lives at my parents still.......... If I didnt have my gf I could have NEVER left that home. I felt like I was betraying some sort of unwritten rule for leaving. I think they had us to live with them for the rest of their life. I have never in my life being pushed to amount to anything. The less I did the better... Now I cant see myself having goals. My gf is the extreme opposite, and she is getting fed up that I dont take initiative and I dont think of important things and stuff. Sigh. Anyway you must be real real proud you made it this far!!!! Thats amazing. How did you do it? Thanks a lot for the support

[ScaredFawn]

Ta ree, I have seen tons of counselors and psychiatrists in the past... I want to see one again, but the ones paid by the government become less and less every year and the demand only seems to increase. So I don't think I'll end up getting one... It would suck paying 70$ an hour when I dont even know if the person is any good... I cant go for trial and error if its gonna be that pricy. I wanted to go for family therapy when I was doing really bad in the past, and my family would have none of it. Figures.

You say I should get away from my dad, but you know, the funny thing is that my new apartment that Im moving in Saturday is 2 minutes from my parents'! And it wasnt a coincidence But it's more for my mom that I wanna be around... and as soon as my dad starts putting my down Ill be able to say, alright, Im leaving. That part is awesome...

I think my dad started maybe believing I could do a little more than he thought after being happy for a year and a half but I had a huge breakdown 1 month ago that lasted 2 weeks, where I went to spent it with them to spare my gf the scene, but now they really think Im nuts

Anyway thank you for the reply, it was very appreciated