Stories don't match, what should I do ?

[Cupra]

Hello,

 

My wife recently acted strange for a while and I found myself noticing little things which didn't seem to add up. I think I brought them all up when I spoke with her about them and she offered explanations, but I still don't feel like I can trust her at the moment. She acted extremely angry and defensive for a start, which seems to be a guilty reaction ? Also a couple of the explanations she gave me just really don't make sense. If I brought stuff up with her again she would go mad at me for doing so, I feel so devastated, cheated, hurt, worthless and angry by all this, not sure what to do. I am now convinced my wife is a lier and a cheat and find it hard to resume our relationship in a loving way due to this. I think she knows I felt insecure at the time, but she wouldn't understand me bringing up these things again. It's annoying as I don't always get out what I want at the time and have to go back once things fall into place.

 

Maybe I am just looking for things not to match up as I feel insecure now ?

 

[shyanne]

you have the right to ask again... i would.

[kcopeland8515]

yeah just ask again. who cares if she gets mad. When you ask again all you are doing is seeing if she gives the same answer. If she gets mad and doesnt answer then worry. a guilty person no matter what kind of question it is if they have nothing to hide they will answer casually. if she gets defensive again then worry. when u ask her again its important to wait about 2 days. so that if she is lying then she wont remember what she said. Act normal and dont mention it at all. then kind of smooth it into the conversation.

sample senarios

girl: yes i love the young and the restless

boy: my mother loves that show

girl: mine too

boy u went over your mom's house the other day did you watch it with her.

her responses may be

1.Girl: yes (but she left at 5:00, it comes on at 2:00 so its impossible)

 

2. Girl: I didn't go see my mom this week( oops her excuse was she did, also you couldve just called her mom and asked if she left her coat over either she'll say no or she may say she never came by.)

 

3,Girl: What do you mean (if she says this she just realized what you were doing. You didnt say anything she couldn't understand she just said that to get an excuse together or to react. don't repeat it when she ask that question just say nevermind and she will ask u again wat u said because now she worried, now she thinks you know)

 

No matter what never accuse anybody of anything because whether she did it or not she will automatically be put on the defensive

[Dazzerg]

Well it is possible you feel insecure so you are on the watch out but as the old saying goes 'just because you are paranoid doesnt mean they are not out to get you'. Just because you are insecure doesnt mean that there is nothing to get insecure over.

 

Without knowing the specifics its hard to comment much more but I wonder if you raising the insecurity as maybe it being just that is you trying to explain away what you deeply feel to be true.....?

[AwdreeHpburn]

Ask?

 

No. Forget asking.

 

Demand an answer and give an ultimatum for her honesty. "Tell me or else..."

 

I know it sounds forceful but if talking isn't working and you want answers that you're not getting, it's time for you to step up and demand that you get what you want.

 

If she's tired of you asking, maybe she's already confessed all there is to confess and she's genuinely tired of you asking. Ya know, like the bf/gf that asks everyday if the other is cheating? It can get tiresome.

 

If you're NOT doing that and have realistic and reasonable suspcions, confront her and demand what you want. You don't have to be violent or abusive, just, "this is what I want and if you don't tell me, I'm sleeping on the sofa."

 

Know what I mean?

[RandomAdvisor]

Care to give some examples on how her stories aren't matching up? Maybe she is completely innocent of anythig and upset you aren't trusting her when she hasn't done anything to warrent suspician.

 

It would help us if we knew more...

[Cupra]

Thanks. I feel I might try a couple of your suggestions. I have just returned back from lunch with her and I am sure she told me something not true. I will wait a day or so and bring up the conversation again. I hope I am wrong as I love my wife.

[fishrrshortae]

I agree with someguy that examples are probably needed for clarification ..?

[romeo0328]

I wouldn't push her too much because the more you push her, the less likely she will be willing to tell you the truth or say anything at all. She will just become even more defensive and stubborn. I made the same experience with my ex. Try to find things out in a more subtle way so that she doesn't even notice and try to find evidence the she is lying to you. The less you push her, the more relaxed she will become and the more likely she will make a mistake and accidentally tell you things she didn't want you to know. Once you have enough evidence that makes sense, confront her with it.

Good luck!