I DONT KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

[liz92882]

i have absoloutly no idea what is wrong with me. i dont know if the DSM can describe it . i binge, i purge, i hsve cut myself since 7th grade( im 20 now) =, i drink 6 nights a week. im afraid that ever minute there might be something wrong with me, like a pulmonary embolissm or an arotic diss3ection, in other words, im a hypoconriac. i have no f**kin clue what is wrong with me. I cant aford a shrink. Anyone have any ideas

??????????

 

---[added by Secret_Agent_Man from later post by liz92882]---

 

i dont know what im doing on this site, im not very internet oreinted. sorry. ok, tell more. all that i know is that i started cutting myself in 7th grade, and im still not sure why. i stopped for awhile and then my senior year of high school, my mom, who suffered from multiple sclerosis, started to lose it, and i mean physcolgically. She saw bugs and people who did not exsist. its still really hard to talk about. i dont like to get into it. but, we ended up puttin her in a hospital, and the whole 2 months she was there, i went into her room one time, and when i was there, she had no idea who i was, at all. So, i just stopped going to the hospital altogther. Then, she ended up dying in may of 2001. And i guess thats when everything got F**KED up. I started gettin drunk every night, doing meth, cutting myself, AGAIN. Binging , purging. And 2 years later , its still the same, i have scars all along my arms , on my legs and on my stomach. ITS DISCUSTING. I just need t o lnow other peoples opinion, please

_________________

Elizabeht gergen

 

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[Sup2]

Just hang with us for a while. People who are here have been through some fire themselves. That's what makes this place comforting.

 

I'd bet you'll find substance here.

[irreplaceably_rare]

It seems to me you are not getting much help here ... lol.. so far.

 

 

First, My name is Jessica. I am a 20 yr old college student.

 

I was in your shoes in Feburary of this year, I didnt know what was wrong with me.

 

 

Here are a few ?'s for you. If you want you can private message me the answers or we can speak out in the open here if you would like.

 

Cutting yourself...

***Where do you cut yourself?

***Are you cutting yourself in the case of suicide or just because you really have no feeling... and you are cutting yourself for no reason at all?

*** Do you feel at all like your not in reality. Or your feeling as if you are in a dream like state?

***Do you have issues in relationships? Parents? Friends? Boyfriend/girlfriend?

*** Do you feel as if you have to be in control most of the time or all of the time?

*** Do you attend College? If so how are your grades?

*** Do you work? If so how is the attendence?

 

 

These are just a few ?'s of mine for you.

 

 

Here let me tell you why I ask these ?'s...

 

Like I said I was in your shoes in feburary of this year. I found out much about my actions when I went to see a counseler. I have many different things all rolled up into one. Borderline Personality Disorder. Now I know what your thinking... this isnt whats wrong with me... and you know it might now be... or it might be.

 

BPD is a disorder where you have many things going on... and your body reacts to it in one way. Throught BPD

 

Now does any of this sound familuar?

 

***frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

 

***a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

 

***identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

 

***impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

 

***recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

 

***affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

 

***chronic feelings of emptiness

 

***inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

 

***transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

 

 

Okay so if these do seem familular...

here are a few things to help you think easier. To help you see things from a different parspective

 

Stop / HALT

Just stop and breathe for a moment. Are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired? The HALT feelings are physically-based and only temporary. Remember that!

 

Determine what the problem is

Sure there can be (and usually ARE) more than just *one* problem but even still, write the problem(s) down on a piece of paper.

 

Come up with THREE possible courses of action

Start with one of your problems and come up with three (and only three - not a hundred, not just one) possible things you could do.

 

Figure out which one is best for now

You don't have to make a lifelong commitment right now and if things don't work out quite the way you'd hoped they would, you can work the steps again and again and again - just like everyone else does!

 

DO IT!

I say that assuming you haven't chosen suicide. Obviously, that's the ultimate final solution (assuming you'd succeed). Nothing will happen to change the situation/problem until you actually DO something, no matter how small.

 

 

Now post again and let me know if this has helped you any... If not.. I will be more than happy to help you in any way possible!

 

 

Jessica

 

 

PS. If this does seem all to real to you... there are many ways to become recovered and if not, then like i said I will help you in any way possible!!! =)[/b]

[jash]

I would suggest going to a hospital's ER, they have to help you, even if you don't have insurance (i'm assuming your in the US). They will help you there, and don't feel bad about yourself, one of my best friends was like you.