Physical attraction to someone

[dragonzeyez]

Ok, I am in a real bad situation here, I am having real trouble making a choice here and need some advice. I just started dating someone, and we get along great. The problem is that I am not really that attracted to her, but I am not completely unattracted to her. I can not describe it very well, but she is like right in the middle of attraction and nonattraction. This may sound shallow, but to me physical attraction in a relationship is a must. It's not the most important thing to me, but nontheless to me it is important. Now I do believe that after getting to know someone fairly well that it is possible to become more attracted to them, but I am unsure how exactly. What I really wanna do is keep getting to know her and keep talking to her to see if this happens, but my big fear is that if it doesn't happen that I will have to break up with her and end up hurting her feelings. My other part of this I need help with is, let's say I do get past the looks thing and decide to be with her for the person she is on the inside, I fear that later on in the relationship when we decide to have sex that I won't perform so well due to not being as attracted to her as I should be. lol I need help. For now, I have told her that I wanna keep this on a "friends only level." Can anyone offer me any advice? I am totally mixed up on what to do on this one, and any advice at all would help, thank you.

[kadvati79]

I posted this in someone elses topic, but I think its relevant here.

 

For me, I need three things for a relationship to work:

 

1. I have to connect with them

2. I have to be attracted to them

3. I have to respect them as an equal

 

I have TRIED real hard to make a relationship work without attraction, but it ended up a total mess. But attraction is a funny thing. My ex was not the hottest guy I ever had wanting to date me, but there was something about him that drove me absolutely crazy. Even two years on.

[barwench]

Always remember, physical attraction is what usuallly draws you to the other person but it's whats on the inside that makes you want to stay. Ask yourself this......what drew you to her in the first place and if that disappeared tomorrow would you still be interested?? Physical features can always change but the person she truly is will always be in there!

Look deep....you will find your answer!

I hope this helps!

Keep Smiling!

[novaseeker]

This may sound shallow, but to me physical attraction in a relationship is a must.

 

It's not shallow, really. It's very important that you are very attracted to the person in order for the relationship to work. It can't be the *only* thing (otherwise the relationship will fail as well!), but it can't be missing. A relationship with someone to whom you are only so-so attracted will eventually run into troubles in terms of your own sense of fulfillment in a relationship. I would say if you are already worried now about not being sexually attracted to her, it's not a good idea to have a relationship with her.

[dragonzeyez]

hey guys, thanks a lot for the advice, i was 99.9% sure when i made this post of what i was going to do, i just kinda needed some assurance it was the right thing to do. so i did it, i let her know that i am only interested in being friends, but the new problem now is that she keeps trying, and it bothers me to keep saying no, she wants to be more then friends real bad, but im afraid she is going to push me to the point where i do not even want to speak with her. lol sigh just another day in life i suppose.

[Shesa]

Attraction is necessary for a relationship. It's not about looks per se, its about physical features that make you wanna jump their bones. I think men require more physical attraction than women do. But that does help you with your question. If I was her, I would want to be with a guy that was super attracted to me. She deserves that. You deserve that.

[sleepygirl]

If you're not sure whether to continue to date the person, date them. Now marriage is a different story.

[sir sirloin]

You will be much happier with someone you are aren't attracted to that really likes you than someone you are attracted to who doesn't.