Meeting with the ex in a few hours and I am freaking out!

[nicolediver]

Hi all,

 

I am meeting up with my ex in a few hours (we were originally planning on just going to a movie but he now wants us to go to dinner as well) and am starting to majorly freak out. Here's the thread about our latest devolpment:

 

 

 

I just dont know how to act or what to think. Are we two friends going out, is this a date--I just dont know. Do I bring us up or just act casually? Do I linger at the end of the night? I am just so confused and any help would be so appreciated.

 

As I mentioned we have both expressed that we still have strong feelings for one another but are not ready to jump back into things. We do want to spend time together as "friends" while leaving a very open possibility that we could in fact get back together. I guess in a way we want to be around each other and see how things may (or may not) progress. As well, we need some solo time to still work out our own individual issues.

 

I just dont know how to act tonight or what to expect. Please help!!!

[zpivat]

First of all, congrats that you'll be on a date *scratched out, changed to "meeting"*! You'll realise that some exes never even want to stay in touch with us, and the fact that he wants, MAY mean that there's a chance of reconciliation.

 

If I were you, I'd act normally, calmly, and pleasant. Being nervous is ok, but don't break down about the relationship, don't show your weaknesses/neediness, clinginess.

 

Be the Nicole that he first met, whom he first fell in love with!

 

I wish you all the best! Sincerely!

[nicolediver]

I have to say just the fact that you called it a "date" makes me nervous. I just dont know if it is premature to think that this is in fact a date. What if he is just looking at it as good friends getting together. (This seems crazy to me because he definitely still has feelings for me but again he might not be ready to date me...)

 

I guess at the least maybe he might not see it as a date but you are right, just the fact that he is givng me this time shows curiosity and willingness.

 

Aah, I wish I could just calm down.

[akatoro]

Ahoy hoy.

First of all I'd ask you to sit down, take it calm and ask yourself what you want to do. Do you really want to get back together with him? I know that feeling is usually the foremost need after a break-up.

I once had the same difficulties that you now have and if you wish, you can read about it in my first posts. I've been single now for about 15 months and I've even served in the army.

 

But this is about you, and you are the most important thing in the universe right now. (I hope you feel the same way).

I'm labeling it "need" because I feel that it is more than an emotion. All you think about is "him" or "her" after a break-up. But what about You? How long have you two been broken up and for how long have you been single in the sense that you have seen the world and possibilites that are there for -You-, alone?

 

Either way, this meeting is nothing to freak out over. Be yourself as I trust that you have always been in your relationship and see what comes at the end of the night. Whatever comes to be, remember to be strong and not so needy as to rely on another human being.

Another person might complete you, but strive for perfection by yourself 'till then. I hope that I could be of some help to you. In the end, you have to make the descisions for yourself. All we can do is offer you an outside look of things. I hope all turns out well for you and that you follow your hearts desire.

[nicolediver]

You really brought up some excellent points.

 

Do I need him? No.

Would I like him in my life? Yes.

Do I want to get back together with him now? I am unsure.

 

I guess really I do want us to work things out but there are some things that need to happen first on both sides before that happens. I need to continue to learn how to be more patient and less needy. Basically, I dont want to rush into things with him. I dont think a lot of people get second chances so if I am in fact getting one I dont want to screw it up.

 

I also think that it makes sense to not just jump back into things. Maybe a period of friendship and/or dating might help us see if we have changed in ways where we can work together to make a committed relationship thrive.

 

That being said, perhaps I should go into tonight with no expectations. Just be myself and look at it as I am hanging out with a friend. It's probably best to not rush anything.

[zpivat]

Oops, you're right. Well English isn't my native language, so I goofed. According to link removed, a date is "an engagement to go out socially with another person, often out of romantic interest."

 

So we don't know for sure if this is really romantically based, and hence we're not sure if this is a date.

 

So make a mental switch and pretend that I wrote 'meeting', instead of 'date', please ^_^.

[akatoro]

I'm glad to see that you have thought about this, Nicole.

But please think about it further before making a final descision. It's worth thinking thouroghly through.

 

Whatever you decide, remember that a friend is better than anything else. You might find a friend in a lover or even the family. They never come cheap and they're worth risking pain for. Perhaps you and your ex won't get back together but what is to say that you won't be friends? Your relationship was only the end of a chapter. Your ex might appear in the next as a person who'd do anything for you without expecting anything in return .

[nicolediver]

Trust me no final decisions have been made. In fact, I know for certain that I do not want to reconcile now. However, I am hoping that we may build to that over time because of our connection and feelings. I am also aware though that this might not happen and at the very least I will come out of this with a wonderful friend. I just have to keep aware of all of this and not let me emotions get the better of me or pin too many hopes on us. I really need to keep the focus on myself for right now.