can't stop fighting

[frani]

My boyfriend (live-in 2 years, dating 3 before that, friends 2 before that) and I are having problems to say the least. Actually, right now he is out looking at apartments, so I guess it's over. What started the whole thing is that he said he wasn't sure he wanted to renew the lease which is over in December. I finally accepted that and we started getting along GREAT again. We had all the romantic and loving feelings we always had. Then the landlord sent me an email with the new rent and I guess I pushed my bf to be a little more specific. Well, given how great we'd been getting along, I was very hurt when he still didn't know what he wanted to do. Now, we are back to fighting and it seems like a vicious cycle. He pulls away and I start a fight which causes him to pull away more, but i can't seem to help myself because I am so hurt and insecure. I feel like I'm driving him into moving out sooner than he would have or that maybe if I had just continued to be cool he would have wanted to stay with me. Please, I need some thoughts from some of you.

[CHERBEAR22]

hey girl i know exactly what you are saying.....i can so relate to what you are going through. email me and we will get chat link removed

[sisterlynch]

You need to stop falling for his emotional abuse. You are falling into a visious cycle and need to stop all arguing with him. In a perverse way it is the arguing that he wants.

 

Let him have his fun for a while, make sure that he is being careful with himself. Remember what goes around comes around.

 

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link removed (I realize this link is talking about children, but emotional abuse often happens when one person in the relationship thinks that they are above the other as if it is a child/adult relationship. Instead of an adult/adult relationship.

 

Don't worry it is normally the less sane person who is the abuser, you are not the problem, in other words it is him--not you that needs to change!)

 

Be assertive and stand up for yourself. Like I said before it isn't going to be easy, if you would like to save the relationship it will require a level of assertiveness that will have to be sustained over time. You won't get the best effect if you are assertive one minute and passive the next...you must look for times that he will be ready to fight and be ready to allow him to have his point of view only if he is respectful of your rights as a human.