Lust Love Lost

[iLoVeCoNnie]

Hello everyone

 

i'm a 14 year old lesbian

 

I have Lost Some one i really love.

I'll explain the full story ....

 

i live in London an Okay place to live in,

 

I moved to a block of flats with 2 bedrooms

 

with my parents and my little brother Ben.

 

Okay so now i lived their for like 4 years now

made new friends and everything is alright.

 

In the block on flats theirs kids their too

Ben: my little brother

Conor: alittle boy , my brother frien,mostly.

Jessica (she likes to be called lola) : friends with every one , but her parents are weird in a nicest way i can say.. like her family has a few problems.

Pearl: connies sister , comes at the weekends with her sister as freda her grandmother lives there.

Ramanda: Oldest their , Tells everybody what to do

and does not get on with connie.

and finally ..

connie: Ooh connie shes a friend of every one apart from Ramanda and shes very funni too!

 

anyway

 

we all hanged out together alot , Ramanda was not always there as shes is 2 years older than me and connie , me and connie are in the ame year at school but we don't go to the same school.

 

I got close , Very close to connie . We always chatted while ben and conor were playing football.

I like our chatts , After a few weeks i was falling for her ( i already knew i was a lesbian , but i didn't do amnything about it as i'm only 13.)

 

It's weird i always liked connie as fancied her She aint the best looking however shes is So atractive to me.

 

Like the way she always sticked her tongue out sometimes and licked the side of her mouth with out relising

the ways she smiles at you and when she looks at you.

 

i know theirs know gaydar , well some say there is but don't get me started.

Well , I knew she was Gay , she talked about sex sometimes and connie has short (sexi) hair and i know all lesbians don't have short hair , well i have very long hair .. its hard to explain i could tell i knew she weren't straight!

 

Anyway

 

the Flats were having a 50th birthday and everyone was in the gardens and all the kids were having a show and every one was watching .. ( so perfect time ) ...

me and connie were hanging in my living room watching Power rangers ( dont ask ) ...

 

i started flirting with connie , and connie started to have a grin on her face , well she always is grinning!

 

Connie was kinda flirting back , she was kinda bad at it but she had her connie style which makes her even more cute!

 

anyho

 

Connie said i betta go , i think connie relised by now i was into her alot and flirting like mad!

 

i really didn't want her to go as it was the perfect time , so i grapped her by the arm and told her to stay and she kissed me!

 

yayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayayay!

~with tongues!~ heyhey!

 

thats was my first tongue kiss , i don't think it was connies she did say stuff about rosie her sisters bestfriend kissed her , but i thought she was joking

 

i was soo happy and we were making out. i was making out with connie! omg ...

i know this was wrong , well it was right to me and the way i felt about connie really i was in love with connie already .. way before i kissed her .. well way before she kissed me.

 

well we had sex , i dunno weather it was safe sex...

we did everything we could and we talked theough it too.

It felt soo right connie is so the one well was the one

 

Because of a girl called Nathania !!!!

 

well this is what happened

 

I guess we were girlfriend and girlfriend for 4 months and we loved each other and Ofcourse didn't tell a living soul.

 

me and Connie started to fight i wanted to tell my parents and connie was noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

 

because her parents and connie was kinda friends and got on she didn't wanna like hurt them and she was scared of them knowing and that we were having under age lesbian sex , which is since a s a sin

 

my family are reilgious and go to church every sunday so they would not like it at all.

 

Me and Conn chatted this ova like Adults , well Okay 3/4 like Adults,

I really wanted to tell my parents and everybody i was with a amazing girl i love soo much and i'm a lesbian.

Because its my life who cares its nobodt elses!

 

Well connie was crying and said Please don't tell Promise me?

Of course i said yes

But u can guess what i told me parents the next day , i didn't mean too

and

u can neva guess wat my parents went mad!

connie came round about one hour later

not knowing whats going on

as her bloody mobile was switchhhhed off!

and well my dad well her shouted at connie and hit her and was threating her.

 

as i love connie i was helping connie , like defening her ... connie was crying alot but sticking up for lesbians and dad hated them ..

i remember alot of that she said ..

my baby was my hero than !

 

dad told connie to neva come back again and connie left to go home, i was sent to my room.

i opened my window and went out (as im on the ground floor flats)

i catched up with connie , hopeing to have a hug and say everythings gonna be okay ,

 

but!

 

connie broke up with me saying u lied you promised me u wouldnt tell and i was heart broken the one i loved and still to dumoed me

 

a month later connie had a new girlfriend!

 

i didn't even think about that!

 

did connie really love me? as she got a new girlfriend so fast.

 

why did she dump me , we told our parents and the worse was done soo why did she leave me ?

 

didn't this mean anything to her?

 

was this all my fault?

 

i really love connie and now 8 months has pasted and she aint spoke to me and dont me why?

 

im too scared to go to her house !!

 

and well i was her walking to school , but her friend were there i was afraid to go up to her

and the next day i saw her on her own this time and she saw me looking at her and she just walked , she looked sad not angry though , watts up with that?

after that i neva saw connie agen that was 4 months ago i think she goes to school later or earlier so she dont bump into me.

she dont come to the flats any more

shes like ditched me as well as dumped me

 

its too much i feel like killing my self ..

i wanna cuddle her again , touch her and kiss her .. hold her in my arms and neva neva neva let go and keep my promises weather i like it or not * sad*

 

please i need an out sider to tell me what they think

 

i soo depressed i just want my baby back.

 

now she has a new girlfriend been out for well since nov 2 the day b4 her b-day , her girlfriend rubbs it in my face , but i dont think connie knows.

 

and i was in a band with connie and i kinda got pushed out .. as it was me connie pearl in the band i was like puched out the totally right words for it! it was a kool; band called Dragonfly. i wanna b involed in connie lifes , because its goo amazing i can't imagion any thing else betta because their is no betta wat so eva!

i love every about connie , even still after shes dumped me and blocked me off msn and dont chatts to me and dont picks up my calls .

 

please tell me what you think and wat i should do , please dont say talk to her because i cant !!!!

 

i really need help so please

 

thankx love Melissa

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[iLoVeCoNnie]

Sorry soo long i thought its eayier to read with gaps i fing it eayier to read

[agent1607307371]

Its easier to read with correct spelling and grammar.

 

 

Are you 14 or are you 13?

 

She left you because you lied to her, got her physically attacked and broke her trust. You outed her without her consent which is a really cruel thing to do.

Can you honestly not see the problem here.

 

There is probably very little you can do other than give her time and space and hope she forgives you.

[Cadence308]

I agree that it would be easier to read with correct spelling and grammar.

 

Hon, Connie broke up with you and is avoiding you because you violated her trust. You promised not to out her and even if it was a mistake and you didn't mean to, you still broke her trust. Connie probably wasn't emotionally ready for people to know that she's gay. I think this is a common problem in many homosexual relationships, esp. if one person is out or wants to be and the othe is not and does not want to be out.

 

Am I correct that your father hit Connie? Not only is that abuse, but a hate-crime. So, after you accidentally outed Connie to your parents and broke her trust, your father physically and most likely verbally abused her.

 

The best thing that you can do is give it time. It's only been 4 months, which isn't that long (time goes by more quickly the older you get). I would wait until maybe the end of the summer and see if you run into Connie alone and try to talk to her one-on-one. She may forgive you and she may not.

 

I'm sorry that you are hurting that she has a new girlfriend. Even if Connie doesn't forigve you, you will eventually get over her and find someone else. I would learn from this, though.

[savetheliar]

I do agree with Ballys on that it's going to take time to heal.

 

I just got out of a relationship almost like this, but I didn't outed her. Some girl saw us kissed, and she told on us. And like the next day she wasn't at school. The first thing on mind was thing on my mond was that she's sick or ill. So on my way back I went to her house, and there was 3 moving trucks outside. I was heartbroken when I saw her standing outside tears running down her pink cheeks, at that moment I just want to run up to her and wrap my arms around her, but she stop me in track, kissed me, and give me a note that say " I'm sorry, Kate outed us to my parents. My parents said that I can't see you anymore so we're moving. LOVE, VSS"

 

Ever since then i tried so many when to get in contacts with her, but she block me from every Yahoo, MSM - Aim. After that I cried like a baby for weeks.