thinking about sending this email.

[deejay74]

i can already hear the groans and moans, LOL!

 

i know you're going to ask me why i want to send it and what do i hope to get out of it. here are my answers: i want to send it because i still care very much about my ex and i really would like to see her before she goes to london, especially b/c there is a possibilty she may not come back. secondly, i hope to re-establish our friendship. i've thought about this a lot - besides the fact that my ex is my ex and things got a little hairy post break up (mostly due to my stupid actions), she is a good person deep down and we do have a lot in common. i also want to leave things on a good note should she not come back.

 

anyway, here's what i was thinking about sending:

 

"hi r____, how are you and how've you been lately?

good, i am sure!

 

at any rate, at this time i am assuming that you are studying for

your finals and getting ready to graduate. i am honestly very happy

for you and i know you worked really hard to get where you are today

and i wish you the best for your future career, i really mean that.

so congratulations!!

 

you're also probably getting the last details sorted out for your trip

to london and europe. i hope you're excited about going, i know i would

be! if you want, i can send you some info on which clubs to check out

while you're in london, of course they'll be places to catch drum &

bass! hahaha!

 

if you're wondering why i am emailing you it's because i would like

to see you before you go. i remember you said that you may not come

back from london, and if that's the case, it would be great to see

you one last time. what do you say? not only that, i still feel bad

about the way our last conversation ended and i would like to leave

things on a positive note.

 

take it easy,

R____"

 

ok, let me have it!

[crvers]

Well its not horribly bad. Obviously you know the opinion of this forum since you've been on it for quite some time now. If you do send this, or any other, email than I hope that you realize there may be a chance she is not going to respond. IF you have the strength for that, then you could consider sending it.

 

Couple things I would do is scrap the majority of the email. I really mean most of it. Be right to the point. Don't come accross as sappy and I wouldn't really bring up seeing her. If she so chooses to see you, then go with it, but it isn't really an idea I think you should bring up.

[AwdreeHpburn]

deejay - I mean this constructively...

 

First of all - too long.

 

Does SHE want to hear from you? I mean do you think it would be well received?

 

If yes, than I suggest sending a much shorter, edited, choosing words carefully, version of that e-mail.

[deejay74]

Well its not horribly bad.

not "horribly" bad. LOL!

 

Couple things I would do is scrap the majority of the email. I really mean most of it. Be right to the point. Don't come accross as sappy and I wouldn't really bring up seeing her. If she so chooses to see you, then go with it, but it isn't really an idea I think you should bring up.

 

thanks for your opinion.

 

so how can i get to the point and not mention seeing her when that is my intention?

 

does the email sound sappy? i tried not to sound that way, i wanted to be encouraging. perhaps you can edit my email?

[AwdreeHpburn]

encouragement from an ex is sap.

 

I think its ok to say you want to get together before she leaves. She can decide for herself if that's something she's interested in but if its what YOU want, go ahead and put it out there.

 

But I personally wouldn't say, "I want to see you." That's what I mean about carefully worded.

[crvers]

"hi r____,

 

I hope your finals are going well.

 

I just want to sincerely apologize for my behavior as of late. My brain started to function recently and I realized how obnoxious I had gotten.

 

Our relationship may be over, but I still wish our friendship to remain. I know that your leaving for europ soon and may never be coming back. So I was wondering if maybe you'd like to casually get together for coffee so I could wish you goodbye.

 

sincerely,

 

You

 

Or something along those lines. I am sure someone else on this forum can help u revise it more.

[Daddy Bear]

well, it's good to want things to end on a high note, if that's your intention. i don't see anything in there that could hurt her feelings.

 

a little constructive criticism, though, from a writing standpoint: you waited a long time before making your main point (wanting to see her). you might move that up into an earlier paragraph and move some of the chatter down or even out. when i write a letter out of the blue like that i usually try to get to the point quickly, put in whatever i can think of and then cut out as much as possible (example: "if you're wondering why i am emailing it's because i would like to see you before you go" becomes "i would like to see you before you go." it justs makes for better reading imo.

 

more importantly, i ask myself how the letter makes me feel in my stomach, and if i'm hesitating over the send button, i ask myself why.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I disagree with crvers version - again too sappy and too focused on the past - but I like the humour.

 

Slightlybent is right - cut, cut, cut.

 

Maybe a phone call would be better. Call her and tell her you'd like to get together before she leaves, just to say goodbye and stuff.

[crvers]

Hey, that was a quick version!...lol...ouch critics everywhere.

[Daddy Bear]

encouragement from an ex is sap.

 

I think its ok to say you want to get together before she leaves. She can decide for herself if that's something she's interested in but if its what YOU want, go ahead and put it out there.

 

But I personally wouldn't say, "I want to see you." That's what I mean about carefully worded.

Te_Ree_Saw, i'm truly sorry to contradict you on yet another thread. it's coincidence, i assure you.

 

wanting to see her once more is the gist of his letter, and i just think that he should be up front about it and not beat around the bush or leave it implied.

 

are we cool?

[SilverCloud]

So what are you gona say to her if you do get to see her for the last time cause saying 'goodbye' takes 10 seconds.

 

Deejay i have kept up with your struggles, i would not suggest you to email or meet. See even if you say lets have friendship, dont you think it will be awkward for her to constantly be polite to meet the last time.

 

Do what you think is best for you. But if you want to move on for your own good let this friendship go. If you guys were ment to be friend then you wouldnt have had a relationship and it will always be an awkward friendship. Let it be a friendship where she doesnt feel obligated to reply to you or see you for the last time every time.

 

I dont know, i just dont think its a good idea, but i had to tell you cause i would hate to see you get hurt again and again.

[AwdreeHpburn]

totally cool Slightlybent - but I was referring to the phrase itself, not where it appears. I agree he should state it straight away. But to me, "I want to see you" sounds creepy.

 

"I'd like to get together before you go..."

 

"Want to say good-bye" or something similar.

 

No worries about disagreeing - we're two different people. It would be weird if we thought identically.

 

No stop following me around and contradicting me! (kidding)

[Daddy Bear]

and then i saw this, and i totally agree.

 

 

 

Maybe a phone call would be better. Call her and tell her you'd like to get together before she leaves, just to say goodbye and stuff.

 

ok, i'll shut up now.

[deejay74]

thanks for your concern, i really do appreciate it.

 

the thing is, how can we have a friendship if she doesn't come back? that's my worry. i mean, even after all that's been said and done, i still care for my ex a lot and not being able to see or speak to her for this long is really upsetting for me, and i especially don't want her last memory of me to be a bad one.

 

for everyone else, thanks for your responses. it has given me a better idea on if/when/what i should say and how i should say it. thanks so much!

[deejay74]

so i have this email typed up and ready to send but haven't. i am going to sit on it for about a week or so and decide if it's a good idea to send it or even to meet up with her but i wanted some opinions about the content.

 

"hey ______, how are you? good, i am sure!!

 

listen, i know you're going away to europe in less than a

month and i wanted to get together with you before you go so

i can say good bye. and to be honest, i want to leave

things on a positive note in case you don't come back from

london b/c i still feel bad for how things ended the last time

we spoke. i obviously was not using my brain correctly up until

this month and now it has regained it's normal ablilities! LOL!

 

by now, i am assuming that you're getting ready for finals

and then you graduate, right?! good for you and good luck

with your finals!

 

anyway, i hope all is well with you and give cortes my love,

i miss the little guy.

 

take it easy,

me"

 

Cortes is her dog, btw.

 

anyway, i hope it still doesn't sound too sappy or is too long.

 

before you say don't send it, which i may not, just tell me your opinion about the content.

 

thanks in advance.

[Daddy Bear]

you got the right idea, but i still think a call would be better, as Ta ree saw said a few posts back. you could use the email for talking points that way, and if she declines on meeting up, you can switch to Plan B and still salvage your pride (and maybe a friendship) by saying what you need to say on the phone. whaddya think?

[deejay74]

you got the right idea, but i still think a call would be better, as Ta ree saw said a few posts back. you could use the email for talking points that way, and if she declines on meeting up, you can switch to Plan B and still salvage your pride (and maybe a friendship) by saying what you need to say on the phone. whaddya think?

 

well, i am actually afraid of calling her because of the last time i did. it wasn't pretty - she got upset that i called her because i had seen her just a few days prior. anyway, i have a post about it titled "i never learn and i ruined everything". so that's why i am reluctant to call. but, it's been nearly 2 months since that happened, so there may have been enough time that passed for her to cool off, but i don't know.

 

btw, what is Plan B cuz i don't have one?

[deejay74]

so i am still thinking about whether or not to call or send the email.

 

i am more concerned about a phone call for the reasons i stated in the above post.

 

don't you think because the last conversation when so horribly wrong calling again may not be a good idea? also, i am at a loss on what to do if she doesn't answer: do i leave a message? if so, what do i say besides call me back because she may not?

 

any advice for either scenario would be greatly appreciated.

 

thanks so much, i hope everyone is have a good day.

[Daddy Bear]

still torn, huh? ok, if you aren't comfortable with a call, then go ahead and send her an email. i can understand you wanting to leave things on a good note. but take my advice: don't ramble or joke around, keep it upbeat but stick to your main points (you're sorry and you want to see her once before she goes) and don't be too hurt if she says no or doesn't reply, because you know one of those two things is likely to happen. good luck!

[deejay74]

i sent the email that i drafted 5 posts above on sunday afternoon. i have not gotten a response yet, which i expected. i saw her logged on AIM last night so i know she's gotten it.

 

but, just so everyone knows, this was not an impulse to send the email. i sat on it for a couple of weeks before i decided to send it. i will be a little disappointed if i don't get a response even though it's what i expect.

 

but, this is it, the final attempt to leave things on a positive note. there really is nothing left that i can do anymore.

[crvers]

Now Deejay, can I ask...will this be it. Will you finally move on now that you have sent it. If she doesn't email you, I hope you asert yourself to begin to move forward with your life. I think this entire board is supporting you and are holding their breath that this action will cause you to make that final decision to move on. Whats say-u

[deejay74]

Now Deejay, can I ask...will this be it. Will you finally move on now that you have sent it. If she doesn't email you, I hope you asert yourself to begin to move forward with your life. I think this entire board is supporting you and are holding their breath that this action will cause you to make that final decision to move on. Whats say-u

 

i am seriously hoping it will be it. i really cannot think of anything else i can do to show my ex i am sorry for a couple of stupid things i did after the break up and to leave things on a positive note. i would want to do the same if i had a falling out with a good male friend over something stupid i did.

 

no offense, but i have been trying very, very hard to move on with my life - BELIEVE ME! this email is the first time in a little over 6 weeks that i've attempted contact, longest time ever for me.

 

if there is anyone in this world who wants to move on so badly, it is me. you can run down all the things people have suggested to move on and get over the break up and i can put a check next to all of it.

 

i really don't know what else to say.

[Iceman26]

Dude, I think you should send the email. I think its fine, and besides, you don't really have anything to lose by sending it.

[deejay74]

Dude, I think you should send the email. I think its fine, and besides, you don't really have anything to lose by sending it.

 

i already did, sunday afternoon. as of now, still nothing...again, not really expecting a response.

[Iceman26]

If its any consolation, you did what you could and you can't really have any regrets, because you put forth the effort.