Porn

[Boricua7]

I too think it's silly to say that porn is cheating.

 

I'm a female and I have no problem with my s/o watching porn so long as it doesn't hinder the relationship. I've watched porn myself and have even found it enjoyable to watch with my s/o. I agree with kellbell 100%.

 

Winschica, talk to him. Find out why he feels his sexual "needs" aren't being met (I say "needs" since it has been established that the fact that sex is a need is debatable). Communication and compromise are in order here for things to work out.

[Scotcha]

My boyfriend watches porn and it used to bother me a lot. Then he showed me all his pictures and I stopped minding as much. He even had a folder of porn that reminded him of me in some way or another which was.. Cute?

 

Once I knew what he was watching I felt more comfortable with it. He also helped by giving me lots of reassurance.

 

I think it was so cruel what your boyfriend said to you. You really do need to think about having a conversation with him about this and hopefully it was just a bad choice of words.

[luna47]

This is an interesting issue, because it seems to bother a lot of women. Personally, it doesn't bother me. My boyfriend downloads a lot of porn, and I sometimes watch it with him. I do think that because it's easily accesible, it's going to be a part of our lives, unfortunately, from now on.

 

I also know that some men get addicted to it, and that is clearly wrong. Also, there is a lot of porn out there that I believe can be psychologically harmful. And I think what he said to you was beyond insensitive. You already know that, though. Furhter, I don't think it was necessary for him to get annoyed about you finding porn and wanting to talk about it. It should be talked about, especially if it bothers you.

 

All that said, people have disagreements about things. A lot of women feel that porn is a violation of fidelity in the relationship. They have a right to their opinions and feelings and a right to pursue a happy relationship that won't involve something that upsets them so much.

[missbrittanyy]

if my boyfriend wants to look at porn, all the power to him, unles it gets to an unhealthy addiction, and he'd rather be beating it off to a magazine ; video ; etc.. then be having sex with me. i've watched porn with him, but we both pretty much just laughed.

[Jorus Cbaoth]

"Men do not die without sex or orgasm."

 

No, but the human race will die without it. Sex is a necessity.

[Phoenix69]

Hell Yes! WATCH IT WITH HIM!!!

It helps, believe me!

[ocrob]

I don't think women should get offended about porn. I can imagine that it is not taken lightely, but it has no baring on the relationship. I think it is like anything else. If it is forbidden, then we like it. I am dating a woman that does not care at all and she will even watch it with me. I am not even interested in it anymore because I would rather have the real thing. Porn is great, but gets very boring, if you are not addicted. If you man is not addicted, then don't worry about it. He is learning some new and different techniques that may add spice to your relationship. I have a woman that does not care and I don't even want to watch it anymore because our sex life is better than porn. lol

[Daddy Bear]

Food is a need. Water is a need. Sleep is a need. Human interaction is a need. People die without these things. Men do not die without sex or orgasm. They may have wet dreams, they may get really really horny, but sorry, sexual release is not a NEED.

that is a very unfortunate and misguided comment. first of all, it is a physical need once you hit 40 or so. otherwise the prostate gets a real bad 'tude and that can and does kill. second, only babies die without human contact, but it--like sexual release--is an emotional need for almost every adult on earth, male or female. i agree that using the line "men have needs" to get sex from an unwilling partner may be manipulative, but there is a good deal of truth behind it.

[Daddy Bear]

sorry, let me get back on point here. the crux of the matter is that we should all do our best to respect our partner's wishes. if a man desires sex more often than his partner is giving him and she doesn't want him watching "backdoor sluts 9", then negotiations are in order, n'est-ce pas?

[doyathink]

I am new here and this is the reason. Porn!! I found my husband hiding this stuff on our computer then lied to me about it. Ya know, if your gonna look at that stuff than at least admit to it...I told him he really needs to stop the lying. My daughter and I are the only other two on this computer and when we have nasty pop-ups and two girls making out with each other in files we go to it's kinda hard to lie about. I think the lying and hiding are the worst part of it. And the crap that he says to me like " your the only women I want to see naked" or " I like your body, I don't want to see anyone elses", thats want makes me mad because he obviousely wants to see others! I have offered to watch it with him if thats what he wants to see but he just continued to deny it.Apparently he just wants to watch it when he is alone. I also found adult web cam and dating sites that he went to. I hate it.

[Daddy Bear]

that sucks. my s/o and i view erotic images together and have even looked at a few webcam sites but a dating service would, in our minds, indicate a serious betrayal. i would tell hubby to knock that off for real or GIIIT OUT. do not accept his denials!!

[doyathink]

Do you have any suggestions on how to have someone ya the truth. I mean there are things that he wont admit to unless I can catch him in it or have it in black or white that he IS the one who saved this stuff. My daughter is seeing this...

[Daddy Bear]

My daughter is seeing this...

does he know that?? if he is exposing your child to porn, even accidentally, you need to have a long and serious talk with him and tell him you'll take her away if he doesn't wise up real quick. if that doesn't wake him up, maybe escalate it to a family intervention, then to BEATING THE BARK OFF HIS * * *!!

[ocrob]

I think it all amounts to being honest with your partner. If you are hiding it, then you are being dishonest. Let's face it, honesty is so important in a realtionship. Everyone has their thing, but you better be honest with your partner.

[doyathink]

I think I'll skip all the middle ground and just "beat the bark off his ***" LOL

[Daddy Bear]

you go, girl!!

[doyathink]

I wonder what that looks like...barkless lol lol

[Daddy Bear]

only one way to find out

[doyathink]

We thought you were busy in the other room lol

[RayKay]

Win,

 

Personally I don't have a problem with porn, I even watch it myself at times. What WOULD bother me however is if it was interfering with the sexual and emotional intimacy of my relationship. Otherwise, I really have no issue with it. My current partner does not have a lot of it, though I do know he has SOME. But I also know he prefers looking and being with ME anyway. I have never felt less then absolutely loved, so it does not bother me. I dated someone in the past whom had tons of porn files but again, he was respectful in when and how often he used it.

 

I do have a problem however with his comment to you that "sometimes you were not enough" - that was callous, cruel and extremely selfish. I think I would of responded "and you think you are!?!?" lol. Given your recent circumstances, this was extrememly insensitive of him. I am not sure what you would want to do, but I find that very disturbing honestly.

 

RayKay

[TiredMan]

The thing is, porn and someone you are with are very different things to me. It's not a substitute. It's used for a visual stimulus for the "alone" time. Some women go so far as to get offended if their guy even takes care of himself. They say "he shouldn't do that at all because he has ME". To me that is absolutely silly.

[Diggitydave]

Oh and I dont think its so much him paying attention to porn, He made a statement the other day that He loves me but sometimes I am not enough....so it kinda hurt my feelings more, then he got what seemed defensive on it....

 

I dunno is there more to this than I am looking at or what? Am I over reacting?

 

no you're not overrreacting. That was a horrible thing to say and i would definitely confront about this.

[Daddy Bear]

i'm trying to look at both sides of the "you're not enough" thing. did he mean to be hurtful or was he just complaining in an inarticulate way that he thinks he's not getting enough? i don't have a guess, i'm just asking Winschica here.

[VeganBohemian]

I don't care if my bf watches porn.

 

I do get mad at this one thing he does though. He will send pics of women to random people online when he says he is busy...busy doing that??

[lovecrazy]

I agree he was extremely selfish, and just a plain jerk for saying it the way he did. He has apologized for the way he said it.

 

We sat and talked last week that basically he feels our sex life as gone from WHOO HOO! To Wam Bam Thank You Ma'am, now I am going to bed. No advetnure. With my boyfriend, he is not good at sugar coating things sometimes. Which neither, am I.

 

But basically we would do our thing, and go to bed. No fun, it was like a chore. Which lately here the past few months, I have been in pain, My OB told me around December of 05 that my uterus was swollen, and put me on meds to see if it would get back to normal size. Which when it was swollen sex was hurting, so it just turned me off. So we only had sex once a week.

 

And after a while things went back to normal, but with our schedules its hard to spend alot of time together...So things got in a rut, so to speak. Then the last 3 weeks, have been crazy, as to alot of reasons.

 

So we basicaly decided to try and work on our sex life, and get back what we once had.

 

Basically I understand the sexual need of a person, who craves it alot. I used to be like that. But with life and responsibility you have to limit it sometimes. And us living over an hour away is hurtful enough.

 

Well basically we talked about the porn. And I really dont care about the porn. I have watched it with him this weekend, and watched it myself...Some of the made for TV porn is alot more interesting then the stuff on Prime Time TV LOL. I was just an emotional wreck for the past 2-3 weeks. So I involved everything instead of just the one issue.

 

When I should have just been like ok, I am not enough for you sometimes....what in the world?

 

So basically, we have "overcome" last weeks episode, and are looking forward to a "fun future" we have even bought toys, to help along the way, and we are both willing to try new things.

 

Sorry if that is too graphic!!!

 

I will change it if anyone finds it offensive!

 

Thanks for your help everyone!