Should I back off? Breaking a friendship...

[Third Wheel]

My female friend has recently been cold shouldering me. She's almost completely changed her attitude towards me. Instead of treating me as a friend, like she did in the past, she's been rude, slightly abusive, and very short tempered with me.

 

Normally I'm a talkative person, so the occasional "shut up" from a friend (in a tone I know isn't meant to be spiteful) I can deal with. But walking down the school hall ways with her (We're both high school Juniors), every time I talk I get a short "Shut up!" I don't know what I've done, and I just hope she's in a bad mood. Even worse is that I feel like I'm being replaced as a friend. We've known each other for three years, and have been, up until now, fast friends. But, for some reason, she seems to be getting closer to people she's just recently met. For example, a friend meets her at summer school, and now those their closer then we were. (I'm not mad that she's made friends, but its that she kind of cuts me off in exchange.) Then, on a small class field trip (a handful of Juniors and Seniors) she hangs out with 2 other students who have known her on an acquaintance level for a few months, and kind of ignores me. Sitting together during one of the field trip lectures, she complains that I'm sitting close by. Also, she's shunts me to the side for someone she's never talked to before. I kind of feel like I'm being left out.

 

But, there are occasions when she's friendly again, out of the blue, and we'll joke around like we used to. Its just that for every act of friendliness, there's a few more slights and insults. It never used to be like that, so I don't know whats going on. Is this just friend's drifting apart? But even then, they don't insult each other. I've kept my mouth shut about any rude comments that came to my mind, hoping she would, well, I guess change back. I'm getting kind of tired of thinking she's a friend, and getting berated, criticized, and insulted for it.

 

I don't really know what I should do...should I just keep quiet about it, and just hope she wants to be a real friend again later? It feels like she hates me at one point, and then is her old self again.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Third wheel, what ever you do, don't stay quiet about it.

 

There's nothing wrong with telling her you don't appreciate how she's been treating you lately. If you're on your way out with her, that may be the out she needs. Give it to her, let her have it. You don't need that.

 

Sounds to me like she is trying to 86 the friendship but has no idea how to do it nicely or even assertively and sometimes feels guilty about treating you badly and hoping you'll go away on your own, hence the moments of nice-ness.

 

Definitely confront this. At least give her the opportunity to make amends, apologize or get rid of you....

[goddess23]

okay im going to share a story. i was very close to this guy from gr 9-11. when i started dating my first bf, he was clearly jealous. i soon learned he was in love with me (through others, however, it was clear). i did not feel this way not romantic love. but i was his friend. he started getting extremely clingy and i didnt want to say anything so i started being a bi*ch. basically exactly what you explained. there is a reason for this. it could be shes having an identity crisis and wants to make new friends and just feels like her social circle is too compact. it could be that you may have smothered her before. i would say pretend you dont care, ignore her too. if you want you can talk to her straight up, its just i know its very difficult. see how she reacts. unfortuantely me and my friend are basically on a "hey sup" once a week basis. its sad, because he was an amazing friend to me. but sometimes it happens, and i know this is painful for you right now but you will have to either tlak to her or reciprocate her actions to see what shes thinking. if she doesnt care about you anymore, then you shoud at least to pretend not to care. eventually, you wont. i mean you will always want the best for her and her happiness (if you really love/care for her) however, you wont care if you see her everyday, you wont care if she msges you and you wont have the desire to call her up for the small stuff.

[Third Wheel]

She's been doing it again, nice as an angel one minute, and almost a complete ***** the next. Ta_ree_saw, I tried casually bringing it up, but whenever I do, she justs kind of blows it away saying, "I was just kidding...I'm not being mean...What are you talking about?" So I guess actually confronting her about isn't working too well.

 

goddess23, I've thought about ignoring her after what you said. But, it'll be pretty hard, since keeping quiet is completely out of my personality.

I don't think I've ever "smothered her," but you might be right. I guess I'll just back off a little, and stick with the casual "What's up?" But, what you said about her finding new friends, or changing her social circle, I don't think its that, because she's talking more and more to people I'm friends with. Thats what I meant about being replaced, she'll walk by me and talk to my friend, who she's just recently learned the name of.

 

I do want to confront her about it eventually, but I kind of want to avoid the whole mess that'll happen afterwards, because she hangs around the people I do too often for me not to see her every day. Its just kind of sad, I see her walking by, and I remember how a month ago I could yell out her name to say Hi and a hug, and now, all I'd get is a Shut Up.

 

I think pretending I don't care either is a good first step? And after that, if it doesn't work, have a serious, and probably final, conversation with her? I just see her so often, and it kind of get that feeling in the pit of my stomache, like I did something wrong...