"Does he/she like me" Threads...

[Dating Coach]

It's not just the threads, it's most people in general. I was like this too. You see it all over the place:

-I work with this guy and he says hi to me, do you think he likes me?

-I go to college with this girl, the only thing we've said all semester was "hey", does she like me?

-I've been hanging out with this girl for 6 months, we do everything together, laugh tickle, joke, etc, but does she like me?

 

And so on and so on.

 

When I was younger I sometimes spent months upon months pursuing someone that ended up not being interested in me. Usually it took me a very long time to actually inform the object of my affection of my crush. Sometimes it tore me up inside to like the person so much but to never actually make a move. I sat there in agony until I finally could no longer hold it in-and then I spilled my guts. It was bad.

 

I am not the only one who did this. I read about guys (and girls!) who do this all of the time. On these very forums we see it day after day. It's a neverending cycle.

 

I began my soul searching about 7 years ago. I was tired of being the "friend", I was tired of not having a girlfriend when all of my other friends had one, I was tired of failing. I finally decided to do something. I quit blaming everyone else but myself. I was the only common denominator.

 

I learned a lot of different things, which can be summed up on the link provided in my signiture, but there is one thing in particular I want to share on this thread.

I had a friend named Rob. Rob had some of the cruddiest game I have ever seen. Rob was a big time player, and cared nothing for any girl, just cared about himself and getting "some". However, even though Rob had a very bad reputation, he was still very successful at getting girls. I never wanted to be like Rob, because I considered him a low life to women, but that didn't mean that there was nothing to learn from him. The thing I want to share here today has to do with how Rob avoided becoming the "friend", how Rob never EVER asked himself or others, "Does she like me?". It never happened.

 

What did he do? Rob didn't waste his time with those questions, he never wasted time "getting to know her" before making his move. Rob JUST DID IT. If he was interested in someone, he literally would walk up to the complete stranger and hit on them. He was OBVIOUS about it. He didn't leave that conversation until he KNEW her answer. He struck out quite often, but he also met a LOT of interested girls. He played the numbers game. He would walk into a party, hit on nearly everyone, and he would walk out of that party having a handful of potential girls.

 

Now, not everyone is going to do this, but there is a lesson here. Too many guys are worried: What does she think? Will she be offended? How can I find out if she will say yes before I risk it? THIS is why you guys fail. Rob never did that stuff. He never wasted his time with this self doubt and worrying. When I saw him doing this, I was still wasting time with that stuff, and I thought, "Wow, what a breath of fresh air!" Seriously. I HATED how I second guessed myself all of the time. I HATED worrying constantly. Why did I do this to myself? What was the big deal?

 

The big deal for most people is the fear of rejection. The fear of having someone know you were interested in them and not be interested back. Rob didn't care. And you know what? He was right in this regard. WHY do we care? The ONLY person that we are driving insane is ourselves! Other people hit on guys/girls ALL OF THE TIME and they are still alive, they aren't broken shells like I was. I was my own worst enemy, and so is most of the people who do this.

 

This is why on these website people are advising you to "just do it!" "Ask em out already!" because we know that this is the best thing for you to do. Quit wondering what the object of your affection is thinking. Quit torturing yourself about how they feel, how they will react, etc. You cannot control what other people do so why torture yourself over it? There is one thing you can control, and that is YOU. You can control you, and your biggest problem is you.

 

Keep an eye on the other threads around here, and you will see. They all have the same thing. The ones who are single and asking whether or not someone is interested in them are the same ones who are crushing from afar, who are stressing about "signs", etc. That whole situation is created by the thread starter. Rob never had that problem. You don't need game to walk up to someone, introduce yourself, and ask them out for a cup of coffe. Just be OBVIOUS. Let them know beyond a doubt that you are interested and then follow through by asking them out or getting their number. Go on DATES. You avoid this whole confusion by getting to the point because eventually you have to get to the point anyway, right? Why not do it in the beginning before you fall head over heels and stress yourself out?

 

That's all.

[candykisses]

that's pretty good.

people like your friend Rob are just numb to it all cuz they do it so much that they're no longer afraid of rejection. it's like an immunity..

[TheLegend]

two...actually, three thumbs up.

[heythere1234]

Yep, you're right.

[Markers]

agreed, just like what I posted to another thread:

 

You save a lot of trouble if you just take a deep breath and ask her out. No matter how much time you spend reading the signs, you still gotta ask her. And asking her will get harder the more time you spend obsessing about her (read: analyzing every single body movement and word you see her doing etc.), and no matter how good signs you get, they won't help you at all, trust me. Better ask her now when you don't care that much of her.

 

Also, if she does like you, spending months trying to read signs will only delay getting her (or might prevent getting her alltogether incase she figures that you're not interested and moves on).

[aggierocker]

I know I just have to do it and stop thinking about doing it. I have 2 options:

 

1) Wait until I see her, which might be never, and ask her straight out "you should go out on a date with me, how bout the coffee shop?"

 

2) Go on her facebook right now, add her as a friend, send her a message "well well look who i found on facebook, want to go out for some coffee?"

 

And then tell her "you should go out on a date with me" so I won't get friendzoned. I have too many chick friends already.

 

I just don't like doing the internet thing, its so wussy and impersonal.

[MrMilk]

Well said.

[Kevin T]

However, if people did not post those kinds of threads, there would be no topics posted here. lol

[Dating Coach]

That's true. The point really isn't to stop people from posting these threads, it's to let them know that there are tons of these situations out there and they are all similar. It will help them accept the advice given when they see the trend on how these situations pan out.

[Backstroke03]

Great post.

 

I fell into that trap for years and missed out on some great opportunities. Worried about details that were essentially meaningless.

 

Sometimes it just takes guts, and a nothing to lose attitude. Easier said than done I know, but it's an effective way to make progress.

[Rider21]

I like your advice. However, I have a slightly more complicated 'does she like me?' situation.

 

I met a girl in a business class last semester and initially had no real interest in her. After becoming friends we ended up dating for a month or so.. I was involved in a lot of other things at the time and ended up thinking that she wasn't for me. I broke it off, but still saw her at school and worked on assignments with her almost weekly. Our relationship as friends was good, and I came to realize that I really liked her more than I initially thought. After a few months, I decided to apologize for how things turned out and tell her how I felt.

 

When I did, she told me that a good friend of mine had approached her after we broke it off, and that because she thought there was no chance of seeing me again, they ended up hanging out a few times. This had been kept from me by her and my best friend. Naturally, it hurt to find this out just as I had told her how I felt. She was no longer seeing my friend, and confessed that she had wanted to get back together with me as well.

 

After some time had passed, I was able to reconcile with my friend (him realizing he should have told me and that that violation of trust had damaged our friendship, and me accepting his and her apologies and agreeing to let it go).

 

However, even after finding this out, I still find myself wanting to be together with her. She having said she felt the same, I thought it would work out. We have spent a great deal of time together working on end of smester projects, etc., and always have a great time when doing so (good conversation, chemistry, etc.)

 

While we always sit together in class and spend tons of time outside of school studying and talking, when I try to hang out with her on a more intimate level I feel some resistance. We know each other really well, and at the very least have a good friendship. I know she isn't seeing anyone else, and I know she spends most of her free time alone. I just don't understand why it is so hard to get her to hang out like before. Is she playing some kind of game, trying to get me to prove myself? Or contrary to all the positive signs I see and feel, is she simply no longer attracted to me for some reason? I know there could be a ton of factors in play here, but any advice would be greatly appreciated, as I have no idea what I should do in this situation.

 

Thanks!

[skyblue1]

Good point! i do my brain in wondering if the other person is interested. Thanks!

[Lansing]

Rider21, I think you are better posting in a new thread with your story. You will get more reads....

[Dating Coach]

You've dumped her and you later decided you want her back, but she told you that she couldn't?

 

First off, your fault for dumping her. If she really wanted to be with you then she would be. She knows you are interested in her, yet she is not with you. There is your answer-no matter what she "says".

 

If you are going to insist on pursuing this, then get to it right away by telling her you want to take her out on a date. Have a specific place and time in mind, and ask her to come. Make sure it is clear that this is a romantic date, and then end the night with a kiss. You will get your answer right then and there. If she really does care about you like that, then this should be easy as pie. If she gives you any excuses, no matter how valid they sound, accept the fact that she isn't interested in you romantically and move on.