Stay with the guy or "act my age"?

[Max1]

I have a guy problem that is starting to drive me crazy. I've been with this one guy for 4 years. We have a very unique situation. I don't know my father and when I was 18 my mother died so I moved in with him and his family for a little bit. I've known him most of my life. It's been 4 years and I feel like I'm married. At the same time I feel like he has become too much like family. I love him but there is no sexual attraction anymore. I'm terrified of hurting his feelings because I feel I need him in my life. It would feel strange if he wasnt in my life in some way. I'm so young and I feel too tied down sometimes. I do like a guy also. I'm trying to figure out though if it is real, a crush, or a fantasy. He will be going back to school in the fall so I plan to not do anything. That is what I think is right but I can't get him out of my head. I used to think that I was just afraid of commitment. but now I just would like to date people. I haven't kissed anyone but my boyfriend since I was 17. 5 years! I don't know if its wrong but I feel like I've missed out on so much. Just the growing up, social aspect. I don't want to run around and sleep with every guy i see. I would just like to go out to bars and clubs and feel comfortable. I feel awful if a guy talks to me. I feel like it would hurt my b/f if i was flirting with someone. I don't even answer my cell phone when this guy I like calls me. Partially out of being shy, even though I've known him for 2 years, and the fact that I'm afraid that I might go out and what if we did kiss. What would I do then? I guess I'm wondering if I'm being selfish or if this is normal for a 21 year old. I don't have many girlfriends and I feel that the guys aren't the best to talk to about it. I guess I'm wondering what someone else would do. thanks!

[DEE0312]

I was in the same situation 1.5 yrs ago. I was with this guy for 4 yrs and the relationship wasn't bad but i felt like we were more like best friends. There was no more sexual attraction or anything like that. We hardly held hands in public or even kissed in public. I got to the point where i wanted something different. At that time i was 21 and all i knew was him, so i was afraid to break it off or hurt his feelings but i realized the truth is better said than feel pity on a guy, thats the worst feeling. I just wanted to explore my options, i just wanted to hang out with no obligations or feelings of dishonesty towards him. I told him how i felt and am not going to lie, it did hurt him but he got over it and he thanked me for telling how i really felt. I know where u are coming from. U dont want to hurt him and he has been there for u but its better to tell him how u feel and maybe u can work something out. U also have to think about ur happiness, dont be afraid. Sometimes u have to be selfish with yourself and stop thinking about others first and think about yourself first for a change.

[killer_bimbo]

I think it's probably quite normal for many young people in long term relationships to feel like that. You have to weigh up how much you want to date around and how much you want this man in your life, the attraction, if it was there in the start, can be worked on, and you can get it back. As for the social aspects you feel you've missed out on, maybe try to get around the fact that you feel guilty about talking to men and feeling bad about flirting. Flirting is fun, and I don't think it's cheating as long as it stops at that. It's a bit out of order if you do it when your out with your boyfriend, but if your out on your own, flirting is no problem. As for sorting things out with your boyfriend, try to do things together that you used to do when you first started going out, go out on romantic dates, take each other out for dinner, have nice sensual nights in, that type of thing