Help!

[Boricua7]

Ok, so one of my friends is having issues and I really want to be able to help him since these issues are causing him to be depressed.

 

He is asexual (yes he has reproductive organs), meaning that he lacks the interest in and desire to have sex. It's not like he doesn't want to be interested, he just isn't.

 

I have no idea what to tell him or what he could do to fix it. He says that his lack of interest is causing him to pull away from people and, in turn, he is left lonely. Poor guy!

 

Has anyone been in a similar situation or had a friend in a similar situation? What did you do? What did you (or your friend) find that helped?

[ElektraHere]

Well I can't say I have ever had a friend that has been in that situation. I would however suggest he see a dr. He could be having some hormonal issues, he could be under stress and sex is just the last thing on his mind? On 20/20 a few weeks back they had an episode on asexual people. Perhaps go to the shows website and see if they have any info.

 

Other than that sweetie I am sorry to say I don't think there is much more you can do.

[Daddy Bear]

is he sure that his lack of interest in sex is causing his depression, or could it be the other way around? i recently went through some serious blues time and for most of a year the thought of getting down was almost always out of the question, even though i had a willing live-in partner.

[Boricua7]

is he sure that his lack of interest in sex is causing his depression, or could it be the other way around? i recently went through some serious blues time and for most of a year the thought of getting down was almost always out of the question, even though i had a willing live-in partner.

 

Good point! If his depression is impacting his sex drive in a negative way what can he do?

 

What if this lack of a sex drive was a problem before his depression? What then?

[Daddy Bear]

Good point! If his depression is impacting his sex drive in a negative way what can he do?

then he should probably seek counseling to get at the root of the problem.

 

What if this lack of a sex drive was a problem before his depression? What then?

if he is physically incapable of the act, and assuming he's not elderly, he should really see an M.D.

 

if he could perform (for example, if he still gets 'morning wood') but he just doesn't want to AND that's now causing him depression, then he should probably seek counseling to help him cope with the issue. sound right?

[Boricua7]

Sounds great! Thanks!

 

Now, how do I go about letting him know that counseling might be a good idea without making him feel like I'm saying "Dude, you're messed up"?

[Daddy Bear]

i know, that might be tricky. maybe if you just ask him casually if he has considered counseling it will open up the subject or at least plant the seed in his head.

 

the really hard part would be how to go about finding out if he gets morning wood. aaaand i don't have a clue on that one.

[Boricua7]

i know, that might be tricky. maybe if you just ask him casually if he has considered counseling it will open up the subject or at least plant the seed in his head....

 

Yeah you're right. I just need to make sure I say the right thing, you know? Like I said before, I bet the last thing he needs is for someone he was able to confide in to think he was a freak. I mean, I don't I just don't want to say something that may make him think that I do.

 

...the really hard part would be how to go about finding out if he gets morning wood. aaaand i don't have a clue on that one.

 

Yeah me either. I'm not sure there's a casual approach to this one. He's been pretty open with me before. He was able to tell me this much. Maybe he won't be too uncomfortable responding to this kind of inquisition.

 

Wow, I've got my work cut out for me.