I think I've got a crush

[Stinkweed]

Well I think I've got a crush on this girl. She's been in one of my classes yearlong. I've always found her attractive and there've been multiple times when I've wanted to talk to her and get to know her, etc... I think about her sometimes too. I've never ever really talked to her besides perhaps a couple of sentences involving class. The thing is sometimes it seems like she's not interested at all. I notice she sometimes turns away when she notices me looking. Like I might see her aroudn the hallways and as soon as she notices I'm there she avoids looking my way or something. But a couple of times it has also happened that I just turn and see her looking, but she turns away. And the last day I saw her, I was asking a question to the teacher and she was next to me. Well, I asked a question about something I didn't quite understand and the girl kinda explained it, so when I turned, again she quickly turned away. And well, I kinda made my mind up to find out what's the deal... I just hope I don't chicken out last minute like I sometimes do... Anyway, I was thinking about maybe if I see her alone, I could talk to her about how her spring break was and/or about the homework (whichever sounds better... what do you think?), but then is it ok if I ask some questions? Like stuff about her that is, you know where she's from, etc? Or should I keep on with a convo?

[hosswhispra]

Sounds like she's the shy type. Sure, I think it's fine to ask her those questions. They may lead naturally to other questions and you can both find out about each other.

[Dating Coach]

I want to be 100% clear here. There is NO WAY you can determine whether or not this girl is interested in you simply by how she turns away from you and such-unless she is being completely clear with a look of disgust, or a huge lingering smile.

 

When guys talk about such trivial things as this when trying to figure out whether or not the object of their affection is interested, it shows their inexperience.

 

There is ONE WAY to learn whether she is interested in you or not. No longer should you trade sentences with her, or stare at her from afar. Cut that crap out right now. If you are interested in her and you want to ask her out, then next time you see her, walk right up to her, be friendly, smile, introduce yourself (if she doesn't know your name) and tell her that you'd like to buy her a cup of coffee on *blank* day and ask what she is doing that day. Do not leave the conversation without her answer. If she says she is busy that time, then counter offer another date-but be specific. No "sometime" usage. Be specific. If she does not answer you nor counter offer you another SPECIFIC date, then she is not interested. At that point, simply say, "Well, it was nice talking with you." and leave it at that. Walk off and forget about her romantically.

 

If you do anything else, or keep looking for hints, you WILL NOT get this girl. You may even come off creepy with your constant glances, excuses to talk, etc. If you are interested, ask her out. That's it.

[Stinkweed]

I want to be 100% clear here. There is NO WAY you can determine whether or not this girl is interested in you simply by how she turns away from you and such-unless she is being completely clear with a look of disgust, or a huge lingering smile.

Well, I didn't quite say whether I thougth she's interested or not, because I'm gonna try to approach her regardless so I can get that definite answer... But I guess after reading what you said I think that might be a shorter and less painstaking way although a little too sudden. I mean we're talking about a girl that has been in my class since august, and since then I haven't said much more than "It's page 235". So I'd believe it'd be better if first I talked about something and then asked her out instead of just walking up to her out of nowhere after not saying but 2 sentences throughout the whole year and asking her out. If I do it like that she might come up with that drama queen crap saying that I'm creepy or weird, but then again, if she's gonna be like that, then it's not worth it either... So, I guess I could ask her out. But how? I mean, if I could see a show of hands how many girls would be comfortable with some guy that has been in your class for the whole year and has said but a couple of sentences to you in all that time to just come back from spring break and be like "hi! I'd like to buy you a cup of coffee. How does friday sound?". I mean there's gotta be something else... If not then I should try this with every single girl in my school... One is bound to say yes. Right? Either way, it'd probably be a good idea to do what you said, because well, who would I rather listen to you or my own self? I think you, because if I were to do things my own unexperienced way, it'd be like asking a homeless person for financial advice... Sure they can tell you how to fail, thus you will know what to NOT do, but still, what you wanna know is not how to NOT fail, but how to SUCEED. Right?

[Stinkweed]

[Dating Coach]

It's not your job to "maker her feel comfortable" when you ask her out. There is no way to know what makes her comfortable. Your job is simply to be polite, make your intentions clear, and get an answer.

 

There is nothing wrong with approaching her out of the blue and saying, "Hey what's up? We've been sitting by each other all year and I haven't really got a chance to know you. You seem like an interesting person, how about I buy you a cup of coffee Tuesday before class?"

[Stinkweed]

Well, I was/am going to try. But today I only saw her around other ppl... I mean, there have been a bunch of times when we've been the 1st 2 ppl to get to class. But today I got there later when everyone else was already there too... Which sucks... I mean, it'd make me so uncomfortable... Oh well, I guess if it's gotta be done even when there's someone else listening, I guess I'll have to do it....

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

You just need to make a move. Look Mellencamp said 'get a leg up, boy', and who was it that said ' bust a move!'?

 

I don't know. But get a leg up, boy. Or it will stagnate, fester, and be a moot point soon enough.

[Dating Coach]

Do it when there are other people around. It shows more confidence.

[Stinkweed]

I guess it is confidence what I lack... I mean, even when she's alone and I think about talking to her, my heart just pounds... I do not know why I gotta make her so "important"... I mean, I can talk to other girls just fine, it's the ones I feel interested on that I can't talk to... Why do I have to make such a huge deal out of it if I've got nothing to lose? I mean, these are the things I tell myself even at the moment, but I still feel my heart racing like an F-1 racecar driven by a speed freak who does not value his life and is just out for a thrill. That's how fast it goes... Anyway, that's how I feel even when she's alone, imagine how I'd feel if I notice other ppl in class just looking at me as I talk to her and wondering if they're listening or what they're thinking about what they're hearing if they are listening at all? You know, there's only like 1 month left of school, so I might as well try. I'll never see these ppl ever again, so it's not like I should care what they think either... Or maybe I shouldn't do it at all, seeing that there's only a month left of school?

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

you gotta talk to her...

[Stinkweed]

I guess I am gonna try just to see what happens...

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Do it, man, just at least try. if no; no harm, no foul.

[slash]

Stink, I always hear people talking about the way a girl looks at you, and I think its true that if you notice her smiling, than theres a greater possibility of her being interested

[Stinkweed]

Well, I didn't really see her today because I skipped that class because we had a substitute... I know it's not right, but it's the first and last time I'll do it... But yeah, tomorrow's friday and I really really wish that I'd do it tomorrow... I mean, I don't wanna waste any more time. I have a question: Say I see her outside class, but from far away but she doesn't see me. Is it ok if I walk up to her and talk to her, or will she think I'm stalking her or something if I don't make it look like I ran into he by chance?

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

so, casually walk toward her, w/o staring at her. then as you get closer, you 'all of a sudden' 'notice' her. then you say: oh, hi aren't you in my (whatever) class? Why aren't you doing homework? tease her or say something, ask if (for instance) she'd like to come to the coffee house you hang out at sometime? you were just going that way anyway....

[Stinkweed]

I don't think I'm going to do it. There's only a month left of school, and I'm moving to another state which is 1 hour away by plane. So, yeah, I know "there's no need to start a meaningful relationship at your age and stuff" but I guess I don't see much of a point... Cause well, there are many girls in the world, and if I'm just gonna start a friendship I might as well choose anyone especially since I won't have such a hard time talking to them. So my advice to anyone reading this thread who is perhaps still in highschool or a maybe just moments away from a major life change: Don't waste your time and make the most out of it. In the beginning of the year I let some not-so-major issues get to me, and I wasted a lot of time unhappy. By the time I changed, it was too late, because everybody perceived me as an angry, not very friendly individual. I was afraid to be myself until not so long ago, and that in my book was more time wasted as well. So, treasure each moment and don't procrastinate on things. It's what I wish I could do, but even now in these final moments I kinda don't follow my own advice... I had such high expectations about this last year in high school, but things were nowhere near as good. I thought I'd have fun, I would make many more friends, I would meet a girl and perhaps get a first kiss, but none of that ever was. Best wishes.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

well youll do fine you're moving away anyway I'm sure you'll meet someone there you like. Good luck!

[Stinkweed]

Well, thank you all and best wishes.

[Dating Coach]

There is a 3 second rule. You HAVE TO start walking towards her within 3 seconds of seeing her before you talk yourself out of it. It's not like she's a bomb that's going to blow up, just walk up, smile, introduce yourself, and ask her out for a cup of coffee. Easy. Don't give yourself time to talk yourself out of it.

[Stinkweed]

I guess I'll consider that for future reference.. Well, I talked to her but, again, I didn't ask her out. Not because I chickened out, but mostly because of what I mentioned above. Well, I changed my mind, and I would indeed like to at least befriend her I guess... I asked her where she'll go to college and she's staying in the same state, unlike me, but it's a place that's more than an hour away by car up north... I dunno how much closer that'd be to where I am going but I'm guessing not a significant difference... So yeah, I talked to her, and I was like "hey what's up?" and she looked at me with a weird facial expression, I could tell she was surprised by some person that's never really talked to her before suddenly talking to her as if nothing. I didn't care what she thought, so I kept going, and talked some about the classwork, then asked here where she was going to college always looking at her straight in the eye with sincere smile. She only answered my questions but didn't ask any of her own, then she saw a friend and started talking to her and stuff, and I didn't quite finish. Then in class she smiled at me, and I smiled back once, which had never happened before. But after that, things pretty much went back to what they were yesterday, and last week, and last month and so on... Well, anyway, I just mentioned all the details, not because I'm analyzing or anything because the might mean something good, bad, or maybe nothing at all. I just like to write is all, and I had a terrible day so this is a good way to keep busy...

[Stinkweed]

So... If I'd like to just be a friend, and to keep in touch, should I still ask her out? Or should I just talk to her?

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

hard to say, i mean maybe you two will really like eachother...how far away are you moving again, maybe you two could start something..?

 

however, if youall arent going to date, then you should probably just let it drop, especially if you hope to ever get something going with someone else..

[Stinkweed]

She's moving to a place that's probably 4-5 hours by car from where I'm moving. And maybe can we just go out as friends? What I mean is that even if the distance is too great, I'd value the friendship... I'm being honest here. As for the someone else thing: I've only really liked like 3 girls in my life this way. Still, I'm pretty sure there is going to be a 4th or 5th and so on. But... It's really hard to explain... I'm willing to accept whatever happens: If she says yes and wants to be friends, then great, we'll keep in touch. If she says no, then great too, because I'll forget her quicker. It's what I think, I dunno...

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

i understand, i'm like you i don't really like the vast majority of guys i meet either (i mean i like them as friends, but not LIKE...) 4-5 hours really isn't that far. and maybe you should just try it and see what happens, because if you don't you maybe will always wonder.