Need suggestions on reaching Orgasm

[Ran_into_a_rainbow]

I have a wonderful new boyfriend whom I am falling deeply in love with. The relationship is still rather new and we are still getting to know each other on every level including sexually. I haven't discussed this with him yet and wanted to get some feedback from all you smart people out there before I muster up the courage to speak with him about this. I have to admit feeling quite shy about this...

 

In past relationships, the only way I could reach orgasm is by being on top. Granted, the other boyfriends I've had have been very well endowed so being on top was no problem. But with my new guy, he's a lot smaller down there compared to what I've experienced so far. I don't care about size...that's not my concern (he's outstanding in every aspect of our loving relationship). But I've found that being on top with him just doesn't work.

When I'm on top, it (his penis) slips out very easily and I just can't ride him hard like I have been used to doing. Plus I don't think my new guy likes me being on top much. He seems to lose his erection whenever I go on top. Not enough stimulation for him perhaps?

 

I simply cannot gain orgasm if my clit isn't being stimulated. I've tried the hand thing while being taken from behind, but it simply is not enough. Does anyone else have suggestions?

 

I haven't tried dildos yet, but was thinking about going that route to experiment....but that doesn't solve my problem with wanting my guy to be the one giving me an orgasm. Thanks in advace!!!

[orgasmictofu]

Have you tried rubbing your own clit during sex? I got the impression that the guy is doing it for you. Some of the positions which are easier for you to play with yourself are doggy style, doggy style on your stomach (though your hand cramps a bit more easily), you on top but not lying down on him, spooning, and on a chair with you sitting on him facing the same way he is (think sitting on his lap watching tv, but no pants).

 

Another thing you could try is a clit cream that makes you more sensitive. It feels kind of minty and some of them cause your clit to swell a bit and makes it mucho sensitive so you need less stimulation to cum.

 

Have fun!

[arwen]

I think most women can't orgasm without clitoral stimulation. Why don't you throw in a couple of fingers while playing? His or your own?

 

Ilse

[arwen]

Oh I didn't know about the cream. Where can I buy that?

[orgasmictofu]

Oh I didn't know about the cream. Where can I buy that?

 

My friend, you've been missing out!

 

Take a stroll through any sex shop, they are usually with the lubes. I have tried one that was in a lip-balm-esqu tub and was more of a paste. It was very minty and created an interesting sensation. The one I have now is strawberry scented and although it's not minty, I think it has an ingredient in it that causes the swelling and it feels oh so good.

[fishrrshortae]

I heard somewhere that there are vibrators you can use during sex to stimulate the clitoris ?

Maybe someone else would know more about that.

[itsallgrand]

Whoa whoa whoa.

 

Instead of MORE stimulation, why not try the opposite route? Forget dildos and creams and all that crap.

If you can't reach an orgasm with just your man something needs to be done.

You need to slow down and learn how to please each other.

 

What was it about being on top that allowed you to orgasm before? Being in control of the movements and tempo? The mental turn on? The actual physical sensation of a 'well endowed' man?

It might give you some insight into what turns you on.

 

The actual stimulation of the clitoris is a minor part of reaching an orgasm. There is the pyschological factor and building up and mutual understanding between two people which is HUGE.

 

Why not experiment with new forms of foreplay etc? Teach him how to please you. Have him go down on you and tell him when he is doing things right.

 

You shouldn't be so focused on your own orgasm during sex. It's a huge turn off to the body, naturally. When you are focused on the other person and their enjoyment...and playing together...the two of you will find ways to get off just fine!