need to win him back? but how?

[bootowser]

Hi...

 

this is long, sorry im just in alot of pain.

 

On Sunday my boyfriend and i split up. It was his choice as he told me i deserve better and he wasnt giving me enough. Thing is , he is all i want and makes me 100% happy. This all stems from me doing so much for him and him feeling guilty as he cant give me the same back..i think he is insecure.

I begged, pleaded and sobbed but all it done was make him annoyed and frustrated. He says he still loves me but its for my own good as he isnt good enough for me. I tried to talk to him on monday night at his house but he just wondered about trying to distract himself..i wasnt making it easy as i was crying etc. He said he would stil love to be friends as i am his number one, the only girl he loves and he will always be there for me. He seemed so genuine.

I want him back so much...I sent him a message to his mobile in the middle of the night and he called me right back to check i was ok, but he still wont think about things.

 

He says he hasnt had time to think at all.

 

tuesday, he called to make sure i was up for work at 7 am, called at tea time to see how i was (this time i was chatty, breezy and i didnt cry or make my voice sound pathetic and i never mentioned out break-up). then again last night at 11.30pm he called again as he was walking home from a football match..this time we spoke breifly again (stil not crying).

 

I really want him back and i keep hoping he will change his mind..i wish i could run to him and tell him how i feel. we saw each other everyday for the past year and i know we were good together. Hardly any arguments or anything.

 

Is there hope? or were the calls just guilt making him check on me as he cares?What if he misses me but lets his pride stop him?

 

any advice from anyone been there and won them back?

 

I never called him last night nor did he call me...the longer this goes on the worse i get. I feel like its not over yet, but what else is it...Lets face it he couldnt be anymore clear. but it was all done in such a quick conversation?

[kittykat]

Hmmm... Seriously, i think there is no turning back. People usually break up on the pretext of something amiss. Like what a counsellor told me, people do not asks for breaks when they are happy. They ask for one when they have been unhappy for quite some time.

 

Like you, me and my long time boyfriend broke up. He told me he felt that he didn't have the time because of his work to maintain the relationship. In actual fact, i found out much later that it was because he found someone else. I did what you did. I cried, begged and told him to give us another chance.

 

We talked for the next month, didn't bring the matter up again. And viola! he called me and hastily told me it was over and ceased contact.

 

I find it such irony. All i can advice you is that i know you really want the relationship back, you want to be with him all over again, but seriously, when you know he has turned away, he will never turn back sometimes. Do not be too optimistic, because i wouldn't want you to hold on to something and suffer another fall another time. Just find your close friends, i am sure they will be very supportive to your needs. Just give him the space he needs. I know it is tough, but please try. The more you pull him to you, the more he pushes away.... the theory of inertia.

 

Take care of yourself and PM me, if you want to talk. Trust in yourself....

And... do not hide your tears. Cry out loud.. it would feel better... I'll be here.

[bootowser]

this is the thing, he said i did make him happy. He thinks it was him not trying hard enough with me that made me unhappy. He couldnt be further from the truth. I loved all the time we spent and the things we did and most of all how he made me feel.

 

I would love to tell him this but all the advice i get does stress not to call?

 

His things are at my house, so we will have to make it very final at some point. I have hope but at the same time i cant imagine him making a move to reconcile as it has always been me who does the first moves.

once before after a small argument we broke up...it ended with me agreeing with him and telling him i would be up later for my stuff. He ignored me and came to my house that night, never to speak of it again. I called his bluff...this time i really thought he would call me that night. but he stil says its over. it had been 4 days now.

 

i just cant see him as the person i know him to be calling one night and declaring his love?

[raggamuffin]

I think that there is something else behind this. Surely if he wanted the best for you and you were telling him that he is the best thing for you he would stay around and work out issues. From past experiences guys say this to make it easier to break up with girls. I honestly think that nothing you say to this guy will make any difference so its probably best to try and start moving on straight away.

[MR]

It's very easy to get men back. I'd know i'm one and stupidly this has worked on me before.

 

 

Fine a way to let him know your going out and being happy. Dress up and pretend your having a great time, someone will tell him and he will start wondering. Also it's a two part process, you have to do things like this to heal and it may get him to stop and think. Just act like your over it for him and yourself.

 

Goodluck, i know it so so so so hard right now.

[Senna]

If you really love him then you must let him know otherwise you will always be wondering, just tell him how much you miss him and how much you love him but don't beg that never works.

[joseph_heller]

I agree with ragga. I know this is sensitive for you, but if I'm honest, I believe there could well be someone else. Think of it along these lines. If there is someone else then he is right, he isn't good enough for you. That's one way of putting it - the way he has chosen - which probably alleviates his guilt somewhat, too. If there isn't someone else, then someone in the reckoning or something in his contemplations re. the freedom of his sex life, maybe.

[bootowser]

I know people always says this but for a girl like me who knows all the signs, i truly know he hasnt or isnt planning on cheating on me. He practically lived with me. When we didnt see each other i was getting calls or coming to pick him up,plus i livein a very small town where people talk. Believe me i would have heard it by now.

 

He is worried that i deserve better due to a bad weekend where he defended his mate in a fight and ended up getting into trouble and missing his work with my dad. this was the night before the break. his dad gave him a hard tie and told him he didnt deserve someone like me who always treats him right. he feels like im the perfect girlf, as there seems no end to what i do for him. nobody could possibly give that much in return.

 

all this reasoning doesnt help me get him back though?

 

i know he must love me but contacting me to get back together is a whole other issue especially when he really feels all of the above?