The ex or the next?

[nadine_3110]

Ok, so my ex broke up with me 6 months ago, the reasons are still a little unclear to him, but anyway, I thought about him everyday, cried a lot, tried to accept it, tried to move, tried to find someone else, to no avail. Then about 3-4 weeks ago, I went to a social and he was there. We got to talking and I was really stressed out with another problem I had and he was there to comfort me. We took a walk, he told me all these nice things, like how ppl * * * * *ed at him so much when he broke it off and stuff like that. I just cried in his arms, I've never cried so much in front of someone before. Then I didn'T have a ride back home cus she got mad and had left. I was drunk, he was drunk, so he couldn't drive me back home. So we stayed at his place, well his parents' place actually. And he cuddled and he told me all these nice things like the things he missed about me, some of the reasons why we broke up and it made sense. Then he kissed me, even though I told him straight up that I was scared. It felt good to be back in those arms, I had been dreaming of it for ssooo long. Then we talked some more, he told me how much I had changed, and some reasons why he broke it off. Then the next morning, he was being so distant, just like the day we broke up. So he drove me back to my house, we said goodbye, I said thank you. Then I talked to him that day on the internet, he seemed reluctant to talk about it, so I said 'maybe we should just forget it' and he said 'maybe.' So I logged off, just pissed off at that * * * * * * *. Then the day after that, he told my best friend that it was probably nothing, just a one night thing. So I told myself not to cry, but I did, just for that day though. I was so angry at him, I had never been that angry in my life, angry and sad at the same time.

So I wanted to move on, so me and this other guy we've been friends for about four years, we'd always tease each other and laugh, nothing serous, but it was always meaningless flirting. Then he started asking how he could reach me on the weekend and stuff like that, so I gave him my number. (we had talked about my ex and he had been very nice). So on Saturday, we went to a movie with my friend and her bf. He picked me up and paid for the movie, we talked and I gave him a hug goodbye.

Then, my best friend went on the internet at my house today and he starts talking to her(he's friends with her and her bf). He asks how she is and how her bf is, then he just says, 'Sometimes I think about getting back together with her (me) and I don't know what to do.' So she asked him a whole bunch of questions, like why we broke up and why things would be different now, and what he was gonna do about it. He said we broke up cus he felt like his life was going nowhere and I was really young and wasn't really experienced in life enough (which was really true, I was a very sheltered girl). Then he said that, when he broke up with me, I changed. I started drinking, I started having a fashion style, he said I danced differently now, and I even talk differently. So I changed right, ppl change. And I guess he liked the new me. And he said that with his other gfs he would think about them for a week and then that's it, but for me it was different. So he said that he would email me or call me and ask me to go out for coffee. I'm not sure what my reply would be. I stil have strong feelings for this guy but I don't want to hurt the other guy, even though I know he'd be understanding. I just need some help in this, just some guidelines, some anonymous feedback.

[Beyondthesea]

I don't know about the ex. Ex's are ex's for a reason. Why did you break up in the first place? If it was over issues that can't be resolved, leave it be. If it was over something stupid, maybe go on a few dates with him? I don't know. Personally I'm very against getting back with someone you broke up with.

[nadine_3110]

K guys, any advice you can give will be welcome, please I need some help....!!!

[becallamjr]

I have been the other guy in the past and I have been the ex too. I say you go for it with the new guy and forget about the ex. He hurt you once and remember he did LEAVE you for bs reasons. Why go back to something that didn't work out and pass up a chance for something that might be the best thing ever?

[nadine_3110]

But what if the ex was and is the best thing ever. And with the other guy, I was already expressing doubts to my sister and my girlfriends. I don't see myself having a relationship with him, even though I like him. I don't see myself even holding his hand! Isn't that important in a relationship?!?

[jchan]

but in contrary the same thing can be said where you do see yourself having a relationship with a guy, where you do see yourself holding his hand and it might not even happen at all. relationships take time to build. after all, rome wasn't built in one day either. i'm not sure what to say though in your situation since you are keeping contact with the ex and seeing this other guy at the same time. your thoughts can be manipulated with the ex. and the other guy could be neglected.

[Goodfun88]

I would not take your ex back, he seems to hot and cold, and totally unable to decide what he wants. But that doesn't mean you have to go out with the other guy either. Stay single for a while and keep your options open for someone you could see yourself holding hands with! Good luck!

[nadine_3110]

I'm not in contact with the ex at all, I refuse to talk to him since that night where he kissed me and told me all of those nice things. He started talking to my friend on the internet, and she just happened to be visiting me at that time. I just don't know what to do, and it's exam week, I don't need this pressure. and I told the other guy what my ex had said and how unsure I was about his (the other guy) feelings towards me and he just said that he doesn't want to influence my decision, so he wasn't going to say anything....ggrrr.... just so frustrated right now...

[Goodfun88]

Take some time away from the situation and focus on your exams. It will give you a clearer perspective. I don't think you need to make any kind of decision right now. If your ex wants you back, he's not going to change his mind in a week, and if he does, good thing you didn't decide to get back with him. Also if I were the other guy, I would never date you! All you do is talk about your ex. He doesn't seem like a good option for you, because if you really liked him, you wouldn't talk about your ex all the time to him. Focus on your exams for a while and when you come back to the situation, maybe it will be clearer.

[nadine_3110]

Ya that's what the other guy said too, that's what I'll do too, thanks. But just to make it clear, I've talked to the other guy about the ex before, but not when he was the other guy, when he was just a friend. Like we're friends, and I hope we'll always be that. I was debating for awhile on wether or not to tell the other guy about the ex, but I did because I didn't want him to lead him on, I needed to tell him that he shouldn't expect too much from me, because I was really confused. ANd he understood.