HELP!!! Should I see her after the break up?

[DanaWinsted]

 

 

Ok well here's my problem. I've recently broken up with my gf of 2 1/2 years. She was my first girlfriend, so I've never been with a girl before. And I guess while I'm at that, I should give you a little background of myself. I am 20 years old, a student at a university in Southern California. She too lives in California, but just up north, so we're about a 7 hour drive away from each other. I am a virgin and have never been with a guy or a girl sexually. So now all that is clear, here is my story.

 

We met online and fell in love soon after. We have never actually met in person before (I know how could I have had a relationship that long and never met....blah blah blah...) But anyways, we've never met but we were very close and talked a couple of time every day (around 3 hours a day). She isn't a virgin and has been with a couple of guys and only one girl, which she was drunk at the time. So she never actually dated the previous girl, they just fooled around. So back to me, recently we broke up because she realized that she doesn't want to be with a girl. And all this time, she has been trying to change, but can't. She isn't dating anyone at the moment and still loves me very much. And I understand her decision and still love her too, as we are trying to keep being best friends.

 

But here's the problem, I'm not over her yet (it has been almost 2 weeks since the break up) and she is offering to come in about a month to meet me and spend time together. I know that we won't get back together although there is a big chance that we would have sex and/or at least fool around because we both find each other very attractive. I am really attracted to her and would like to have my first time with her as she is my first love. I understand that we won't get back together but I don't know if this is a good idea because I'm still trying to deal with the heartbreak of our break up and am still so in love with her. So help me, should I go through with this?

[secret_agent_man]

I see your situation, and understand that it is hard for you to feel so different on both sides of it. If you are a virgin, you need to step back and realize that you never get that chance again. You never get that first experience over again. If you feel like virginity is important to you, then understand that it should be given out of love, not lust. If you feel like you would just rather give it away to anyone you are attracted to, then go for it. You need to understand this within yourself, what it means, and how important it is to you.

 

Trust me, you may wish you'd waited for someone who had a real love for you, and you may regret this. You also may feel like it's an opportunity you missed out on. It's really all how you look at it...

 

S.A.M.

[DanaWinsted]

Thank you so much for your reply. I understand what you are saying and do agree. But I do still love her very deeply and she loves me the same. Just that she can't see herself with a woman the rest of her life... However, given the state that we're in should I even meet her?

[secret_agent_man]

If you know that it won't work out in the long run, you need to think about what's best for you. If you see her, you two might end up doing something you regret. I know it's hard to let go, but it may be best to realize that it just won't work out, and you may want to leave the whole situation alone, as to not risk the disappointment...

 

S.A.M.

[kdreger]

You know what the defining factor is? Your emotional stability.

 

If being with her will hurt you in the long run, don't. Don't extend your suffering.

 

If you want to "lose your virginity" to someone you care about and for it to be special. See her. Give it to someone who meant something to you and enjoy the moment for what it is. Don't grieve for what you can't have and rejoice in the moment that you do.

 

We only regret what we don't do. Don't live with a regret.

[reflectionetrnl3]

i met my now ex, online too. we talked a lot off and online for about 2 years and then we got together. she moved to california to be with me and we had 3 wonderful years together. to make a long story short, we broke up and its been six months since we've seen eachother. after 3 months of not talking (and just for me to get over her) she now calls me all the time wanting to be in contact. now she wants for us to meet eachother. i'm feeling like how you're feeling. obviously it sounds to me that you are hurting too. emotionally it is rough. wow, i can't imagine you haven't met her yet (if i remember correctly). and on the same note, our exs still feel the same way about it. i don't know to what capacity but it seems as though the feelings are mutual. JUST BE CAREFUL. it seems as though you haven't completely healed and to see her will just hurt even more, especially if you're expecting something out of the meeting (like getting back together w/her).

 

from what you've told us about her, it seems as though she needs to work on herself and find out what she really wants in a relationship- to be with a man or a woman. if she has no desire to pursue a long term relationship with a woman and cannot see herself with a woman, then you need to move on. don't waste your time.

 

i know it hurts and you just have to be strong. im still going through some hurt myself. you just have to keep going no matter how difficult it gets. but "everything happens for a reason" (i know you're probably like "yeah yeah yeah" but seriously, in time, you'll realize it).

 

hope all works out. stay strong.

ONE LOVE.