Question for the guys (and girls, too)

[REDIRECT43]

Do men really like [edited by mod]? It seems that every guy I meet is still into some girl from his past, and that girl treated him like complete crap, and disrespected him, but he always goes back to her! What gives?? I'm not saying being a doormat is attractive, but why would a guy go back to a girl that was horrible to him?

[RandomAdvisor]

Women do this with disrespectful men too. Who knows? I think low self esteem plays a part in it.

[Ross_K]

The guys who like * * * * *es are probably just the jerk type.

 

I don't like * * * * *es anyway, I want someone who is genuine and is a nice person. I'm not saying she has to be a 'good girl' or some quiet push over though, I think that would be being too nice.

[annie24]

There's a book out there, "Why men love *beeps*" (where *beeps* is a word that rhymes with witches. It's by sherry argrov.

 

I suggest you read it.

 

I don't know why men like that. I think I'm a pretty nice girl, but I have seen so many girls who treat guys like crap, and those are the ones that get the guys. I'm starting to become a bit more "witchy" myself now.

 

I guess there's a line - being too nice, and standing up for yourself. The witch knows how to stand up for herself. the nice girl doesn't. You can learn how to be assertive, without being witchy.

 

I think in the end, a man doesn't want to be with a bunny-boiling psycho, but she has a lot of qualities in the beginning that attract him to her.

[heloladies21]

For the most part that's not true. At the beginning us guys like a challange so that we feel like we've accomplished something, but once we got a girl all we want is smooth sailing.

 

These guys are still hung up on their exes because they can't get women easily and the chicks acted this way because the guys wouldn't set boundries for fear of losing them.

[LittleLisa]

One thing I noticed was that have you noticed the kind of blokes that go for not very nice girls and similarly the not very nice girls what kind of blokes do they go for. A massive generalization here but...it's normally not the kind of people geuinely nice people would want (ie those that are just out for sex are the not very nice people).

 

On a different note, sometimes with men (again a generalisation) its the power thingif a woman managed to walk over them/not treat them right their ego gtes bruised and they 'yearn' for another woman like that who they can evtually dominate same for women with not very nice men they yearn to be the one to change them (again a generalisation).

 

Give me a bloke who can show emotion anyday over one that thinks with his p-rick.

[BillyJean714]

Ever heard of the line, "People want what they can't have"?

 

Anyway, I don't fall under that umbrella, but from what I've seen, there is a huge majority of people who I know who do follow this saying, although they don't admit it. Like my friends.

 

I think it has a lot to do with 'knowing yourself' and going through enough life experiences and really KNOWING what you really want. If a guy doesn't treat me right (something I learned/stuck through quite recently), it means he really doesn't care. To keep myself in one piece, I walk away and never look back. If he calls, who cares..

 

Women/men stay with abusive, neglectful, or self-centered partners for various reasons. I.e. charactor (some people are more loyal than others, so they're commited to the relationship- they stay to work things out), low-self esteem, pure stupidity (being blind to the obvious, ex men who date gold-diggers thinking they love them but they don't and women who date men who use them for sex - they stay anyway, because they're too blinded by love and aren't thinking). It also has a lot to do with a person's relationship with the family/parent as they grew up, the kind of environment, the reality of what they know to be true.

 

Anyway, about that book Annie's talking about - In my honest opinion, I think with any book, you should take the advice with caution. I think that for any book to "suggest" you be a certain way, trash/burn it. Don't comply along another person's beliefs. It's not about playing games and being someone you're not. Because in the end, the person who you're with, who loves you, should mainly be with you because they truly love who you are (instead of your 'supposed' self). If you can't be yourself, you will never be happy, because you'd only be lying to yourself. (That's my 2cents).

[sweetheart230]

I think its b/c they are more of a challenge. I think you can be a challenge though, without being a witch. And also, if its his ex, he's probably going to glorify the bad things bout her without mentioning the good things, cause hello, its his ex.

 

i just think guys like things that aren't easy.

[SeaBisquit]

it really does seem this way. it was that way with my ex. he actually compared us all the time. i'm nice, she is a "beep". he did everything for her. i got nothing from him.

[BillyJean714]

You know what, if that's how it is, why would you want to be with a person like that then?

 

I always viewed someone who wants what they can't have as being weak/pathetic. I like people who want what they can have, becuase they cherish the ones the do have. I dislike those who don't appreciate what they do have. But, who knows, with this day in age, in capitalist society and all and everything/everyone being so easily dsiposable, doesn't surprise me to see how people don't value each other anymore. (okay, a bit pessissmistic, lol, I'll snap out of it now..)

 

Anyway, if he didn't treat you right, move on. It took me a while to wake up. I don't want to be with someone who will treat me like garbage, someone who will jerk me around, toss me around like a ragged doll and step all over me. I don't deserve this. Neither do you. This is what I tell myself, "There are plenty of nice guys out there. You're just hurt, but in time, you'll heal. One day, you'll find that Mr. Right who is smart enough to know better than to treat you wrong."

 

Hope this helps, SeaBisquit. Besides, you seem really sweet. I get that iimpression when I read your posts. Good luck!!

[REDIRECT43]

I really don't want to have to be a &&*(& just to keep a guy interested. It's so tedious! At what age will a guy finally grow up and want to maintain stability with a nice girl instead of playing silly games?!

[sweetheart230]

Some guys play games their whole lives.

 

And you don't have to be a *itch. Honestly, nearly all the girls I know who have good boyfriends are sweet, nice, friendly girls. But they just don't take an bull*hit from their boyfriends. It's quite simple.

[Momene]

Quite often it's not real love they had but some sort of attraction. many people of both sexes take stuff they shouldn;t because they have low self-esteem and think they somehow deserve it.