Average healing times?

[coldheart]

Well, I am already at the stage where I have gained acceptance of the relationship being over, and I want to enter and exit the healing process. I am aware of how it feels to heal since I have healed 100% from my previous 2 relationships, and it's a good feeling. A feeling that you maintain the good memories, and forget about all the bad ones. A period where you no longer feel co-dependent on that person and you just wish the best in their life for their hapiness.

 

At this time it is very hard for me to accept that fact given that I am 4 weeks out of the breakup and my wounds are fairly still fresh. Mentally, I have prepared the road to recovery, but emotionally there is still a delay. My weeks consist of up & down days and sometimes it feels as if I take one step forward, and two steps back. Hopefully the light at the end of the tunnel will just begin to brighten more and more... Is there an average time where I should begin to feel healing effects, or is this time period different for every person?

 

For the record, it took about 6 months to fully heal from my previous relationships, although this last one seemed as the deepest one I ever had. Thanks to all that can help!

 

CH

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

It's different for each person, depending on how much they help themselves, how much they were attached, how many distractions they have to steer their minds away from the pain.

 

Looking at how long you took to get over the other two is a good indication.

 

Im still grieving over a r/ship that ended around a year ago, yet other ones Ive gotten over in a fortnight.

[ut_longhorn]

been 3 months for me. still very rough and feel that I havent come back to the man that I used to be, though I am hell of a lot better than when i was 2 months ago. looking to get better and stop thinking about her. hope it hapens soon.

[Spawn]

its been 4 months for me, next saturday it will be 1 month of strict NC. All urges to contact her have gone, don't miss her all the time now. The thing that i didn't like about her was she wouldn't accept her mistakes and would always blame me accuse me for everythin. I also took all the blame on myself. Anyways things could still have worked out but no point when people start running away from issues......

 

I will take time probably cause it was my first relationship, finding it very hard even after 4 months......

[AznSalamando]

Well its been about roughly 3-4 months now... had NC for over 2 months I believe, and even the last few times I saw her it wasn't that bad.

 

It's hard to imagine that she'd throw away everything we had by going on a rebound after our breakup, but I kinda feel sorry for her because it won't be same with anybody else. I found her scrapbook under my bed and it had my pictures throughout and a couple pages just dedicated to us. Its not that I don't want her to be happy, I just know that its not the guy she is with now. One day she'll be happy with somebody else, but I think its not fair of her to the guy now if she figured out shes just using him.

 

It was a bit nostalgic and I admit I had a couple tears come out, but my heart isn't hurting the way it used to. I just miss some times we have together now, but I'd say that after 3 months after the breakup was when I really healed. Its been a month now and I feel just as fine as I was when I didn't have a gf 4 years ago. Maybe, except now I have more confidence in myself and I feel ready to find a new relationship sometime in the future.

 

I don't miss her much anymore. I have goals and new aspirations, and given the time my emotions were able to settle out as well as let my rationality get back on track. Gettin things in order, and just being fine as a single person, and just hanging out with friends.

 

The average time depends sometimes on the length of the relationship and the strength of your spirit, as well as the circumstances leading to the breakup and after the breakup. People moving on, or being cheated on, or rebounds, or doing something crazy/drastic after the breakup really changes your view on the other person and can sometimes speed things up, although not always the best alternative, but some people choose it that way to get over things. It feels good to know that you finally have control over your feelings, that you can be happy about the good memories without wanting to keep making new ones with that person. I'm sure in the future we'd be able to see each other without wanting anything more than friends. And if not I'm ok with that too, because we've shared a good part of our lives together and I'm ready to make new memories with somebody new, maybe it'll be exciting and special as well as the one I've had, not the same, but something just as wonderful and unique in its own way.

 

I found it so much cleaner to just be single and not try anything with any girls right now. Even though I feel a lot happier now, I think I need a little bit more time before I'm ready for a relationship. Been going on a couple dates now with a few girls but still need to concentrate on my goals and give myself some more time to be single. No obligations, no need to impress, just being yourself and comfortable.