what are the different types of humor to use in a conversation?

[sarsapolis6]

And also, what humorous topics are usually mentioned in a conversation? Does anyone have examples? Here's what I have so far:

 

- Making fun of the way my boss thinks at work, because sometimes the boss doesn't quite understand what's going on out in the field like we (me and the people working) do. I am smart enough not to mention his name or even talk about my boss while at work.

- Something crazy that I read somewhere in a magazine or book or newspaper. In the latest Sports Illustrated, there was a tiny caption about how a professional basketball player signed a contract NOT with a pen, but with a pencil!

- Last night I finally came back home to visit my parents and my brother and I have the same type of voice. So, I fooled them into thinking that it was my brother coming home. This is re-telling some practical joke I pulled on a person or a group of people.

- Developing a non-offensive funny comment after observing an event or a person with other people. My co-worker is a pro at this. One time we were working together and we overheard an incredibly loud argument between two other guys (they were from a different trade) which lasted over 20 minutes. And it wasn't the kind of nice, gentlemanly debate you would expect from an office environment..these guys were creatively swearing at each other. I remember my co-worker saying that they reminded him of his last break-up and I thought that was funny.

 

That's all that I can think of for now. I realize that what might be funny for some people isn't really funny for others, and I've learned that in a most frustrating way. I try to hang around with guys and gals who are into sports, parties, music & college activism and I might mention something humorous but it falls flat. Nothing like a riddle or a knock-knock joke of course. My biggest problem is that people show no reaction at all and I don't know what those reasons are. Maybe I'm not projecting my voice loud enough?

To me, humor is important because it's a conversational skill that I have to step up or people will still think I'm a serious person who doesn't loosen up.

 

Thanks and I look forward to your suggestions.

[Batya33]

To me humor is all about instinct, vibes, energy and dynamics. There is no recipe for it and it is why for me having a compatible sense of humor is so important to me - and also developing private and inside jokes with my significant other. To me a good sense of humor is a strong sign of intelligence, sharpness, social skills and emotional health. I use humor to develop rapport but not before I get a sense of the other person's sense of humor. I was a little concerned that you were joking about your boss - in my field, it is a small world (even though I live in a large city) and you never know who knows who. Also you might be talking to someone who is a boss or supervisor and they might not find it funny - indeed they might be uncomfortable thinking that their colleagues are talking about them in this way.

 

Getting back to rapport - don't think of humor as a way to be entertaining but as a way to establish a connection. Use sarcasm carefully until you know someone quite well. Share anecdotes and try to become a good story teller - be concise - give enough of a back story so that it makes sense but avoid going off on tangents. Keep eye contact going so you can see if you're losing your "audience." And be careful about humor in e-mails with someone you don't know because tone is so important.

Most of all, relax - if you have a good sense of humor you will find someone you click with on that level and it will come naturally!

[sarsapolis6]

Ok, thanks Batya..you mentioned humorous stories. Well what kind of stories are generally humorous and non-offensive for a wide range of people?

 

Maybe the comment about a boss was inappropriate, however I'm basing it off of what someone else told me. That person knows that I'm not in a position of employment power so he didn't have to worry about not relating to me since we are both in the "peon" category. However you're correct that anyone else I'm meeting might be a supervisor him/herself.

 

I also believe that humor is a way to connect to people, but it is also 100% for entertainment purposes as well! I understand that in most social groups, the talk going on is not always serious talk. I was in a board meeting and the speaker lightened the mood by talking about how much he sucked at snowboarding..had us laughing.

 

As for sarcasm, I went to a typical myspace profile photo gallery and there was this one picture where all of the person's friends were making friendly, sarcastic remarks about the picture. You're correct that sarcasm is appropriate for people who've known each other for a while. HOWEVER, in the beginning stages of guy-girl flirting, isn't teasing a requirement? Not to put too much into this, but I've seen real life examples where the guy says something to a girl he doesn't know to well (at a party) and she's laughing while she playfully slaps at him or tells him "shut up, you!". I can't underestimate the value of pushing someone's buttons in a light-hearted, humorous way. I know that I don't tease/flirt too often..what I might do most of the time is say something that's funny and it has nothing to do with the girl or person in question.

 

Finally, email humor is strangely my forte..I could write something that's 10 times as funny as saying it in person. No problem there!

 

Thanks Batya

[tylercdurden2004]

Mate humour is all about the delivery, end of story. Some people can get away with murder because they can deliver it in away that is not "offensive". The problem is somewhere down the line you will offend someone, somehow whether its with humour or not you just have to know the appropriate time to deliver. Making fun your boss is maybe not all that good of an idea in front of his family, in front of others it might have them rolling on the floor. But then again some of your coworkers may be sympathetic to him, so you may never know if they will truly find it funny.

 

Look at all the great comedians (monty Python, Sat Night Live etc) they all get away wiht murder. They hit touchy subjects with seemingly reckless abandon. But they get away with it because of their delivery.

 

As for sarcasm well its always said "sarcasm is the lowest form of humour". You know "only stupid people use it casue they cant think of higher forms of humour". Well I heard about this study a while back and googled it so here is the link.

 

link removed

[sarsapolis6]

OK, so I will avoid sarcasm, and I clearly understand what's inappropriate but the root of my question remains..what conversation topics are generally humorous to a wide range of people? Surely there have been times when you have mentioned a funny story several times to different people in our (predominately Western) culture, and they were completely cracking up. For example, something about pets. When I was little our backyard used to be a hangout for cats because there were plenty of weed bushes for them to catnap, make whoopee and fight over territory. A few years went by and we brought a dog from the local pound, a labrador who was so laidback, that I almost fell asleep just looking at him. But my parents bought him anyways because he was the only labrador available. So we arrived back home, and I set him loose in the yard, thinking that he was gonna crawl under a tree and sleep..lazy dog.

 

Would you believe that he kept running around the yard in a huge circle for about an HOUR? NON-STOP. I tried to yell at him, even got in his way, but he would bound a little to the right and kept on going like the Energizer Bunny. It was the smell of cats that made him temporarily stupid.

[tylercdurden2004]

There are no hard and fast rules with humour. i guess I would only say you have to be careful about intentions of humour. Humour can be used in a variety of situations for a variety of reasons. Its a fantastic tool for socializing and what I have found in my travels is that generally humour knows no cultural boundaries ie things that are funny in one culture is often funny in another culture. For instance I was very interested to see in germany that germans have similar jokes about WW2 although they make them towards the british. Obviously some things are no-nos to some people and some cultures, but really it comes down to intent. Are you trying to embarrass someone to make them feel bad? Are you using humour to make light of a situation that may be a little bit heavy? Are you using humour to deflect having to deal with an issue?

 

As for sarcasm the point of the article is that sarcasm takes a great deal of understanding of social situations and requires a lot of how shall we say, thinking. It can be lost on some people and should really only be used in teh appropriate situation or it will come off as condesceding ie that you are trying to make someone look bad. Thats never funny and really only makes you look like a tool. As for topic you have to know your crowd I am not sure what topics you can joke about but noone can really tell you its something you have to figure out yourself.

[sarsapolis6]

My purposes for using humor is entertain people and also thaw the ice that people have around themselves, including MYSELF. There are several people that I've known in the years that serve as role models for developing good feelings between themselves and others. One guy in middle school was bi-racial but he used humor to gain acceptance from people from both of his cultures. I have a co-worker who is fun to be around with during break time because his conversation usually contains a comment that could have all of us laughing. At a workshop in NY, there were people of different races and at first no one liked each other. But after a few weeks this one guy broke down the barriers (or thawed the ice) between us with his humor and before long the group (mostly girls) would literally follow him throughout the city whenever we partied. All of these guys are examples of people who use their good-natured skills to get somewhere in life, because I know that sometimes, making people laugh can go a long way. None of these people were sarcastic, HOWEVER they had the skills to lightly tease someone without going overboard.

[tylercdurden2004]

So correcct me if I am wrong here. What you are really looking for are "process" issues as opposed to actual "content" issues. Most (and I will argue all)funny people do not strictly rely on one type or topic of content. I would suggest looking for a book or website on "how" to be funny.

[Batya33]

I don't like using humor in social situations where the main purpose is for me to be center of attention or to get attention - I use it to connect to others - the stand up comedy routine gets old really fast. As far as what is generally non-offensive I suppose as a rule stay away from religion, politics and anything x-rated in mixed company or where you do not know the people well. Otherwise, as I mentioned you have to have common sense and good instincts. I happen to be skilled in that. Also know how to tell the story - how much back story is needed, how to make sure you're not explaining too much which can be seen as condescending or explaining too little which can throw people off. It's a skill like any other. As far as lightening up the room at a business meeting -be careful with that. I am a huge fan of that but have learned over the years that you might be viewed as not being serious about your work. Again you have to have and develop a good sense of the type of impression you make. I do like in a relationship where the guy "teases" me - it shows confidence, wit etc but again you have to develop a sense of what the person's boundaries are. I never like sexual innuendoes early on (as opposed to harmless flirting) but when I'm in a relationship it's more than fine. Hope this is helpful!

[easyguy]

Humor isn't so much how much you say, but when you say it. Some guy could tell some long joke or a funny story, and the guy beside him could respond with something really short and witty that would cause everyone in their group to burst out laughing, making the joke teller seem boring.

 

Everyone has their own type of humor. If you're not good at being sarcastic, don't start using it. Everyone is funny in their own way, and it is the most natural type of humor that you will ever be able to use.

 

Just my two cents.

[sarsapolis6]

Batya, I am like you..I want to use humor as a way to connect to other INDIVIDUALS and entertain them, but not in the same way as a stand up comedian. The people that I see at work and school ARE NOT THE STANDUP COMEDIAN TYPES. Whenever they say something funny it's not "once there was these two guys who.." or "Didja, didja ever notice that.."

 

It's quite possible for me to connect with other individuals and I might not even say anything that's funny. Most of the time I am all business when I talk, but in certain social situations that can only get me so far. Work is a social environment where I usually ask the get-to-know you questions or engage in a conversation about someone's interest. (one co-worker is a scuba diver and I asked him what are the best times to go scuba diving in Monterey) Now there are people who might have the same type of conversational style..except that they might find add a humorous statement or make a humorous observation that could have the scuba diver guy and him laughing.

 

That's OK if I don't necessarily make my co-workers laugh during a conversation..but if I'm at a party or in a new social environment, I feel compelled to say something humorous (or light-hearted) that communicates to the others that I'm a friendly stranger. And that's what I meant by "thawing the ice". Doesn't anyone realize that when people first meet each other, the whole group is standoffish? I've seen it plenty of times and it doesn't matter if it's primarily girls or guys in the group..people regardless of sex are self-protective of themselves when they first meet.

 

But then like clockwork, there is a guy/gal who talks the most, to people in the class. And occasionally that person will make a funny comment in the midst of a conversation with a classmate or in response to a teacher's question. Eventually there will a girl or guy who gravitates to this person..maybe even some of the class members. This indeed has happened in my tech class.. one guy has used his nice personality and excellent humor skills to connect on a positive level with the other classmates. But I am not so lucky. This also happened at a work environment during highschool, where the girls outnumbered the guys 2 to 1. The few guys there made a very VERY positive impression with the girls there to the point where one guy started dating one of the girls (temporarily) ..and another guy had no problem at all inviting everyone to his birthday party. It's no surprise that they were excellent at humorous flirting. I on the other hand did not attempt to "join the bandwagon" and act like those guys because I was really absorbed in my work. However, I hardly did anything to show everyone that I was also a friendly guy to connect with. I don't remember times during lunch break when I would tell a funny story with my co-workers.

[Batya33]

This is a tough topic to communicate about over a message board because there is so much variation in context/tone, etc. One thing that struck me was that you feel "compelled" to say something lighthearted/humorous - when you feel compelled, there is a huge risk that if you force yourself you will come accross as forced or fake. Also consider that there are many people - I am one of them - who is far more drawn to the more reserved (shy?) person in the group than the "funny" one - since I am very extroverted, I am drawn to people who are less so because it makes for a good balance in the conversation - as long as there is not too much pulling teeth - and I find it challenging in a fun way. I have had several experiences where people have said "how did you get him/her to talk? He never talks to anyone!" I find that often reserved people have more depth and I enjoy that.

 

Also what you said about standoffish - I agree to an extent but I think it depends on the environment. Most of my close friends I have met through my volunteer work over the last 4 years at a homeless shelter. When I socialize with my fellow volunteers it is generally a very open/warm atmosphere because of course those are the types of people who are drawn to working with homeless children. On the other hand, if I go to a fancy party or when I used to attend singles events, the environment is a lot more uptight and tense.

 

Here's what I would feel compelled to do in a social situation - show up, look nice, be nice and be an active listener - don't think about your "next move" - listen to the others, feel out the situation and when it comes naturally to you to add to the conversation, do so. And, keep yourself in the loop about topics you like or activities so you can add to the conversation.

 

Hope that was helpful.

[irishwriter]

Do What This Girl Does--read Picks With Humor, To Learn Pacing And Honesty--example Bridget Jones Diary,relationship Or Chicklit, Cause It's Conversation Wit. Peace Out, Irishwriter