How to be Charming

[grneyedscotsman]

We've all seen him: the guy who breezes into a room, smiles, winks and leaves men, women, and children swooning. Guys want to be him, women want to date him, and everyone else just wants to be around him. What's he got that many others don't? The ability to be charming.

 

What is charm?

 

Charm is more than simply having the ability to make people feel comfortable in your presense, it's the talent to make people-sometimes complete strangers-enjoy it. Charm is not sexual, or sleazy; it's light and pleasant, and mostly warm. Charm is defined by the tone in your voice, the eye contact you make and your word choice in conveying a message. It's the ability to make people feel that they matter to you-regardless of whether they do.

 

Consider what struck you about the last "charming" person you met or saw on the big screen, what was the first thing you noticed? Chances are that first thing was how friendly or outgoing he or she was. Most of us go around in little shields of silence. Scurrying from one appointment to the next, lost in our own thoughts and insecuriities, barely acknowledging the world-and the people-around us. We're startled when a complete stranger speaks to us out of context. Combine this surprise with a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly tone of voice and we leave the fleeting interaction feeling a bit, well, better than before. This is charm.

Still uncertain what I mean? Read on:

 

What makes you charming?

 

OK, so you've got some vague concepts to work with; how do you translate this into attention from the ladies? One step at a time.

 

Step One: Make Eye Contact. First, consider your public demeanor. When you walk down the street, do you look at the people who walk by you? If their gaze happens to meet yours, do you quickly look away? For many guys, particular those living in a big city, the answer is yes. No one looks anyone in the eye-except charming people. Men who know how to charm understand the power of meeting someone's gaze. It says, "Hey, I see you, and I know you see me." It's difficult to ignore. And that's your aim.

 

Step Two: Smile. Now that you've made eye contact, don't just stand there and stare. Make a gesture of warmth. Turn those lips upwards at the sides and show some teeth. Make it a good one. Don't be sheepish; give a big, full, eye-sparkling smile-even if you've never seen the person before. Chances are the object of your attention will be surprised that he/or she will turn, smile and even blush. Now you're cooking with gasoline. And did that hurt? Did it cost you anything? Of course not, now let's proceed:

 

Step Three: Be Friendly. The fact is, just being friendly to someone gets their attention. Consider the last time you went through a checkout counter. Did you look up at the checker? Did you smile? Most people don't. They pay and go without saying a word. On the other hand, the few guys who look up, smile and say hello are remembered by their checkers everytime they come through. Simply by taking a moment to be friendly, they stand out from the hundreds of people who walk through that checkers line every day. This is the response you're looking for.

 

Step Four: Make Warm Conversation. Most people don't take the time to make idle, friendly conversation. As such, they blend in with everyone else failing to make conversation. As such, they blend in with everyone else failing to make conversation. It's like an unspoken understanding: "Get me my bloody tea; I don't care about you and you don't care about me." This attitude isn't consistent with human nature. We want people to care about useven more than we want to care about them. Charming people understand this basic human need and profit from it. By simply inquiring about a person's day, or simply paying a compliment about the shirt they're wearing, charming people elicit the attention and caring of the person they take time to flatter with their attention. For example, next time you're at a restaurant, look up at your server, make eye contact, smile and say "My word, these crowds are busy. You're all holding up okay?" There, you displayed some caring for another person's situation. Chances are that the server may go a little extra for you in a returned visit.

 

Step Five: Sprinkle in Compliments. If Rule One is that people respond to being noticed, Rule Two is that they respond even more to being noticed favorably. After all, don't you? The key is to compliment people, particularly women, in a sincere, non-erotic fashion. This is easier than it sounds. After all, most of us notice the clothes, the hairstyles and the eye color of the people we meet; the difference is that most people don't vocalize their positive opinions. Next time you notice a nice sweater, a bright smile, or new pair of shoes-say something. Remember people want to be noticed. Feed that need and you'll stand out as someone they like interacting with.

 

Step Six: Use a little Pop Psychology. Some compliments needn't be so obvious. Simply giving a person a little boost in the right department will also put you on their good list. Take a moment to consider the person you're speaking with. If you were in their shoes, what would make you feel good? For example, what's the difference between walking into your local grocer and making the following two statements to the acne-faced teenage boy behind the counter:

 

"Where's the papertowels?"

 

or

 

"Hello there, boss, where did you hide the papertowels?"

 

The first question conveys all the information required, but does nothing else. The young lad at the store will most likely never remember you. The second question conveys the exact same message, but also includes nuggets of warmth that say, "Hey, guy, I know you're just a kid, but you run this show and I'd be grateful if you could point me to what I need." OK, so he's just a kid, but now, more than ever, he's struggling to identify himself as "the man." Like you weren't there? Give him a little of the acknowledgement he's craving and he'll be your papertowel-fetching little buddy for life.

 

Conclusion

 

The key is, be friendly, be warm and make people feel that you care about them, their job and their little contribution to your needs. Most importantly, be positive. No one likes a downer. Act like you're having a splendid day and you'll spread it around-without wanting or asking for anything from anyone else. This type of attitude is what being charming is all about. Got the idea? Now practice your charm skills on everyone you know: other chaps, elderly people, parents, teachers, fellow students, co-workers and especially to whom you have a special interest in. You'll be delighted what a little charm can do.

 

Take Care/Godspeed! 8)

 

grneyedscotsman

[unhappygrl]

what if the charm gets u into trouble? For example

you ended up making people think that you love them

when you don't?

 

i think i thought this charming guy loved me, when instead

he was just being i guess... charming.

[stevo89]

Wow! Thanks for the excellent advice, grneyedscotsman! I'm printing this out...