I've ruined my relationship...now what do I do? (v.long)

[Rayyan]

Just under three weeks ago, I started going out with this really special girl. We'd been friends for about a week, during which our feelings for each other got stronger and stronger. We were at someone's house for a party, then left together. On the way home we held hands, then hugged. When we got off the bus, she kissed me and we kissed passionately for a full half hour. It was one of the most special nights of my life, and she was the first proper girlfriend I'd ever had.

 

Since then, we've had a lot of very fun and special moments and experiences. Also, we'd been getting very physical, something entirely new to me when it comes to girls . But it was all very intense, emotionally as well as physically, which scared her. So about eleven days into it, she suggested we should go back to being friends, 'cos she was no good at relationships. I said I was cool with it, but really was devastated. I could tell she didn't really want that either, and later that night she called me and told me she'd made a huge mistake and still wanted me. We met up the next day, I told her I still felt the same way, we kissed for ages again and it was all wonderful again.

 

But there was a huge problem. She was going away for two weeks, starting from yesterday, and as soon as she came back, I was going away for six weeks, until the end of summer. So we wouldn't see each other for two whole months, after going out for just eighteen days! I phoned her, we talked it over, then agreed to take a break until the two months was over and after that see how we felt about each other and if we wanted to pick up where we left off. Which wasn't the happiest arrangement but the only one possible. But for some reason, I started lecturing her about her way of life (we're both brought up as Muslim, but neither very strict). It was a very horrible and insensitive (not to mention hypocritical) thing to do.

 

Later she sent me an SMS, telling me how angry she was that I criticised her way of life, and that I should grow up and stop judging others, and how she'll live how she wants to. I replied saying, fine, you live how you want to, so will I, to which she replied, f*ck you then. I then sent her one last SMS telling her that I was sorry for what I said and despite my horrible behaviour I still cared about her deeply. She didn't reply and I haven't heard from her since.

 

That was yesterday. Since then, I've been getting used to the fact that I might not see her again. I won't be seeing her for two months at least, and when I come back I'm off to Uni straight away, where I'm gonna be meeting a million new people, not to mention a million new girls. She'll be in the same city, at a college (she's a year younger than me) not too far from my Uni. We'd only been going out for a few weeks but it still hurts that I'd upset her and pretty much destroyed any chances of us getting back together when I return in September. Does anyone think I should try and salvage something, bearing in mind she and I can't be together until September anyway? Or should I just accept the fact that I've made a big mistake, learn from it, walk away and move on, hoping to use the lessons I'd learnt in going out with her for my next relationship? Help

[secret_agent_man]

I think you may have burned a bridge there. You have to ask yourself why you were telling her those things. I don't know the details of your religeon, and I mean absolutely no harm in anything that may offend you.

 

My feeling is that you may have been a bit possesive or jealous, and wanted to make sure she didn't have too much fun without you. In wanting her to be a "good girl" for you, you mixed it with your religious beliefs, sort of to hide an insecurities.

 

The reason I feel this way is because I know I can get the same way, and you already mentioned you felt hypocritical...

 

So, it's really hard to say how she'll react, but if you tend to agree with what I said, the only way to right the wrong is to tell her why you said what you said. She may actually love you for it, who knows! She may realize that all of this was because of your being "in love", despite the forced separation...

 

Who knows, but if you want it to work at all, just talk with her and don't get defensive.

 

Sorry if I offended you, I didn't mean any harm by it...

 

S.A.M.

[luvsick41]

first off, u should defintiely except the fact that u made a huge mistake, whether you get back with her or not..........for real........let her know you aer deeply sorry, and that it was stupid of u to judge her...........but only say this if u trueely mean it, i mean, dawg, if u really think she needs to get life in order, then dont back down, stand behind ya beliefs.........but if u know u went over board let her know..............do u deeply care for her, or are u in love...........either way, let her know that all the qualities that encompass (make) her, attract you..........if they do, cause when we love and/or deeply care for someone, we love them through hard times, we love them through mistakes, and we even love their flaws..........just loving someone's good qualities isnt fair, u have to take the good with the bad...........so if u truly care for her, let her know that u are sorry..........oh, and bout the vacation thing, well, that is for u 2 to decide...........long distance relationships suck...........i mean, i am married, and have been away from my wife for 5 weeks (7 more to go), because she is in basic for the marines...........and it is hard, but my love for her is so strong, and likewise with her feelings toward me, that distance has done us wonders, and all the lil stuff we used to fight agrue, and disagree about will no longer mean anything............so distance can be good, if u are ready to commit to the other person, but in your case, who knows.........so i would think a break would be good, i mean, when u guys are away from each other u will know what to do........you'll either think about her alot, or not at all............so that answer could come in time............k, peace.......1

[tkdmask]

just remember,

 

Seek not to change the world, but choose to change your mind about the world. You choose how you live your life. So live it up to its potential.

 

 

take care