how do i find closure???

[capricorn85]

It's been almost seven months since my ex broke up with me and I still haven't gotten over him. I have struggled with NC over the months, and given into seeing him when I am back in town (he always calls me to see me). I saw him this past week, and I didn't kiss him or show him much affection, but the next day I was really sad and even cried. I am just so confused. I feel like I cannot get over him even though I know that he isn't good for me. I miss the bond we had terribly. I have the urge to call him, I just wish he would love me and beg me to be with him, but that seems to be a dream. I think it is soo pitiful that I am still crying over my ex. How can I get closer and just let go? This is really slowing me down and taking a major toll on my everyday life. I am involved in a lot of things, but my mind always wonders about him.

 

I feel like I won't meet anyone who cared for me as much as he did or even will do the things that he has done for me. Every guy I have met is a loser to me. I almost feel addicted to my ex. Please help. ](*,)

[Msnak]

The intensity of the feelings will go away. Trust me. I thought I would never get over an ex when I was 19. It took more than a year, because I literally didn't know how to cope, he was all I could dwell on.

 

Can you take a mini-vacation? Even for a weekend? To clear your head.

 

Try and avoid him. He'll be your "drug" of choice, but you'll have to be stronger.

 

What helped me was staying really busy, trying to get to know other guys, venting (poems, sports, exercise, talking to friends) and realizing that there's a great big wourld out there with so many other possibilities.

 

You're very young and I promise you'll eventually see others besides the losers of the world. (Though I have a loser magnet, too!) The magnet eventually dulls and you'll be just fine.

 

I promise.

[meaningsearcher]

Yeah, I know how you feel. The sucky part is that sometimes there is no substitute for time. Sometimes for me it helps to believe on some level that I will get over this and there will come a time that I will not feel this way. As far as NC is concerned it's an interesting concept. Regardless, I do tend to believe that the less you see of him the sooner you can begin to break out of these feelings. But again you need to sit with your feelings and feel them, sometimes realizing that what you are going through just is and not telling yourself you shouldn't feel a certain way helps as well. But I wish you the best and hang in there, things will change.

[Slagar]

Ouch. I feel for you capricorn85

It's not a fun place to be in.

Stop seeing him - no contact is important. Don't try to be friends, just forget about him. Every time you catch yourself thinking about him, just think to yourself "No, he is gone, and is never coming back." Just remind yourself.

If you still have any possessions that are directly related to your ex, get rid of them if you can. Photos etc, things like that... if you don't want to get rid of them, put them in a shoe box and hide it under your bed

 

As for the "loser magnet", well, it's quite likely that a lot of the guys you meet just seem like losers because you're still hung up over your ex.

 

Remember to keep positive, and look towards your happy, healthy, productive life without your ex. You will find love again, when the time is right. For now, you're still young; just take your time and enjoy life

[gradle]

hey cap,

i feel your pain, i'm in the exact same situation, well, but i'm in complete NC.

it's going to take time, and you're going to have moments when all you can think of is having him hold you or the good memories. the only way he'll be with you thoguh is if he wants too. maybe it will work in teh future, but don't live your life hoping that. live it hoping you can be happy with just you.

i think a mini vacation with friends is a great idea! it will help to take your mind off of things.

it's really helped me to stay really busy, with work, with friends, etc...

i think you're doing great personally, it takes a strong person to even see soemone that they really love but can't have...

it might be easier to just stop seeing him...

[capricorn85]

I just got back from vacation and had a great time, but now that I am back I am in this slum. I am trying so hard to move one, even read a few self help books. I was even going to try HYPNOSIS..i know sounds crazy , but I am so desperate to let go. What has helped some of you forget about an ex? I can't help but wonder if he will ever come back. I have tried NC, but always give in...

[meaningsearcher]

Sometimes to forget about an ex it helps to think and contemplate about what didn't work in the relationship. There were things that didn't quite work weren't there? For me at least when I want someone back I really forget about these times and simply remember the good stuff. This does me no good and leaves me feeling the longing all the more.