Hurting today

[SilverCloud]

As of today it will be three months since i last heard my ex's voice or saw him. Even though I was dumped on bad terms, and everything said and done i still miss him...why?

 

There are so many here and in the world who break relationships that were existant longer then mine. I was only with him for a year and half. Why do i not manage to let go? Others do, then why not me? maybe cause he was my first but is that good enough reason for me to not forget him.

 

He has moved on, i honestly believe it was easy for him, its not like i was his first in anyway. I wasnt the first girl he slept with, i wasnt the first girl he broke up with.

 

Why do i keep thinking about how much he claimed he loved me? Why do i keep thinking maybe i need to go back to him? Why do i keep thinking that maybe while he is with someone else he would think of me? It hurts today as bad as the first day.. ](*,)

[Blue In Texas]

SilverCloud, I am sorry to hear that you are having such a bad day. A year and a half is a long time. You can't measure your pain against the pain of others. What you are feeling is perfectly normal. Three months NC is great, but it is not enough time to stop the evil questions from invading. Hang in there. If it is any consolation, I am 2 1/2 NC, and have exactly the same questions go through my mind from time to time.

[Hunny1607307342]

Don't worry, it's not only you. A year and a half IS a long time. And 3 months is NOT that long. I was with someone for 6 months and its been 2 months and I know for a fact by 3 months I'll still be feeling like this. Thinking the exact things you do about your guy. I also feel it was easy for him, as he was my first but i wasn't his, etc. You're very strong for having kept no contact for all that time, a few days ago I spent a couple hours with my ex alone doing some college stuff (we go to the same college) and it was just like old times. I had this huge rush of happiness. But guess what? The aftermath was crappy; it was like getting over him all over again. So here I am...on the verge of tears...thinking I'll never get over him while he's around me. But on the other hand the thought of him being out of my life really depresses me too. So it's like a vicious cycle. I just don't know what to do. Everyone tells me I'll look back at this as something minor, and trivialises our relationship, which actually helps; we need reminding that there's more to life, a whole life can't be relyed on these chemicals within our systems that make us feel like this about someone. love is blind.

[passionfox]

It does get better,I know because I felt the same as you both 9 months ago

Now I am over it and I hope I can help someone else!

The pain is like no other,but it helps knowing that others feel it too,and that

other people have been there.

I thought I would never get over the break up with my boyfriend James,

yet a miracle happened and I did!

[sidehop]

I'm very sorry to hear and you must be very hurt. Even if each day, each moment you think of him and hurts you, it's ok to miss him and let the time heal your heart. He's the one that left you when he could be missing out on the most wonderful person.

 

Take your time & don't focus too much on the 'why'. But think of 'how' you can let him go as time goes by and make yourself happy & feel more confident.

 

I wish you the very best.

[filmraven]

...a whole life can't be relyed on these chemicals within our systems that make us feel like this about someone. love is blind.

 

Is it ever! I'm posting bc I look at your posts and they remind me so much of myself two years back. It was also, "my first", for pretty much everything and I was deeply infatuated with my boyfriend at the time. Like, I was crazy about him and when we eventually broke up I felt like my entire world caved in. It was as if my heart was really physically aching and the pain was really intense. What I've realized (and the reason why I quoted you-Hunny) is that despite being so in love with this guy he treated me terribly and was never around for me which lead me to believe that the chemical reactions in our bodies at times are so strong that we don't really want that to go away.

 

Now that I'm with an awesome guy who treats me really well I've realized that love means several different things and it doesn't only have to do with the chemical response that we receive. I'm probably getting waay off topic here so what I'm really trying to say is: Give yourself time, and float with the feelings you have right now. It's completely normal to feel pain and upset as a result of the breakup and I'm sure you've heard it a million times (bc everyone says it!) but you will feel better with time. Most of all, the way I look at it, is that we carry a piece of every past person we loved in our heart forever.

[jl301]

Hey slivercloud,

 

Sorry to hear that you're having rough day. You should be proud of yourself having completed 3 months of NC. I know half of us won't be able to reach that number. We all miss our ex and somehow we only remembered the good times and not the bad. It just takes time to heal and things we will look up for all of us. I'm only day#11 of NC and it's so difficult because I just miss dearly. I ask myself all these question and run all these scenarios in my head. Why do we torture ourselves and knowing that it change anything. I hope that I can be as strong as you (Slivercloud) and that I hope that I will be able to make it to 3 months and beyond of NC. Whatever it takes because I refuse let someone making me feel unwanted and pathetic. Just in hang there, we're all in it together.

 

jl301