Im Invited out

[calgaryguy]

Hello Havnt posted for a while now, but be asured I have still been creepin. lol

 

So its been hmmmm 3 months or so now since we broke up, we have been talking for a while on msn and text msg each other frequently lately. I tried to have little contact , but she still came on every day and msg me , even when my msn said I was out or away or whatever. Just talked to her tonight and asked her if she would like to meet for a drink or 5 and she said yes but she works every day this week ( she has 2 jobs, one is a waitress and she doesnt get off till 3 ish am ) so she said she would find a day next week. Thats fine, but she also invited me to her work to visit her and have a drink on friday or saturday. Its really quite weird how shes all the sudden interested in me again. Well maybe not interested but interested to see what i have been up to. I dont know if I should go or not? what do you think? I know I still love her and would like to see her , but In a bar when shes working wasnt my idea of a good visitation. She says "she loves me, and will always love me" and that "if we are ment to be god will find a way to get us back together" and "shes just getting her life in order until then she cant commit" , just weird crap like that. I dont know what to think. Im not even sure if she would want me back after she finds out how many girls I have slept with in the past couple months. Any suggestions would be great , thanx

[bcuzitwasfun]

Hi calgaryguy,

 

Sounds like she is very curious about you and how you have been and what you have been up to. She probably misses your company and wants to know your status, are you available for her. It seems like she has wanted to keep her foot in the door by her actions, messaging etc.

 

I think since you have already asked her out for a drink then you should go and meet her. Meet with her at the bar she works at since she is so busy. It may be a good thing in a way because if she is real busy then the conversation can be kept direct and you will not be under any pressure if you need to leave should things get sour.

 

I think that she is being honest about her love for you, getting back together and getting her life straight. Those are valid reasons in my opinion for a break in a relationship. Sometimes people have to do things on their own before they can truly commit to someone. I don't think that she will care about who you have been with, but I don't think that is topic should be brought up in the first meeting. I'm not sure if it should be brought up at all. It really isn't her business.

 

I think that I would be open and honest, but keep your guard up. I wouldn't go and meet her and expect to jump right back in a relationship with her. Doesn't really sound like she is quite ready for that anyway.

 

Good Luck!

Let us know how it goes.

bcuzitwasfun

[hoping]

hey bcuzitwasfun

 

what about her saying "i need to see if i can be independent" as an excuse....whats ur opinion on that? valid? invalid?

[bcuzitwasfun]

Hi all,

 

Someone telling me "i need to see if i can be independent" as a reson for a break is valid. If you are young, and have never experienced living on your own, then I can accept this as a valid reason. If it is a long term relationship and your gf/bf feels this way, I consider it a valid reason. Sometimes you wonder if you can make it on your own and want to test your resolve. I think that is ok.

 

I don't think this is a valid excuse if you are married. You may feel this way, but marriage is a promise you and your partner make to each other.

 

I don't think this is a valid excuse if it is a lie.

 

Again these are my opinions and they may be right or wrong, but it works for me.

 

Thanks

bcuzitwasfun

[calgaryguy]

So I get a call this morning, she invited me to have coffee with her after work, Interesting eh. I told her I would come see her, but I dont know how im going to react when I do. I havnt seen her in over a month and a half. hmmmmmm........ should I buy her flowers like I always did?

[markm]

No, don't buy flowers.

Just be confident and unassuming.

[solo34]

Yup, do what M&M just said.

 

-Solo34

[calgaryguy]

but dont you think that would be a nice thing to do?

[markm]

but dont you think that would be a nice thing to do?

 

Yeah, it "sounds" great.

But, it won't work to your advantage.

You'll look needy.

You want her to think she is chasing you, not you chasing her.

Make her work for it.

[solo34]

Again...Yup, do what M&M said.

 

-Solo34

[Nathalie1970]

Girly point of view coming up......

 

I would love flowers from the ex....but since it is just for coffee, I say no to the flowers. If you guys were going out on a full fledge date, I would bring flowers and the romantic side of you

[calgaryguy]

So we ended up going to the the bar, met a lot of her new friends there. It went alright I guess. She acted jealous when a girl friend of mine called and always wondered where I was and what not. Kind of weird. She gained weight these past three months, and quite a bit of it lol. I told her on many occasions that I wanted to leave cause it was getting late and told her she could stay if she wanted but she insisted I stayed and insisted to get a ride home with me. I think she still cares about me somewhat , but then again I dont know. She said she wants to meet up again soon and said she had a great time last night. I wasnt expecting much and didnt get much. I did buy her flowers and she did like that a lot, she didnt ask many questions nor did I.

I dont know if I want to go out with her again however, I dont think I really want her back anymore. We will see...........

 

 

[bcuzitwasfun]

Hi calgaryguy,

 

Sounds as if she had a good time hanging around again. She does care about you, but it sounds as if she cares enough just to know what you have been up to and who you may have been with. It's hard to tell. She should not have gotten jealous if she didn't have feelings for you.

 

To me, it sounds like the ball is in your court. You have the ability to make a decision based on your post. Congratulations! What should you do? I don't know that one either. I think that if you decide to procede with her and the relationship, take it slow. If you decide not to, then be honest, quick and clean. No lies. What hurts more than the truth?......Lies.

 

Thanks

bcuzitwasfun

[calgaryguy]

Thanx everyone that posted

 

Any more comments??

[kadvati79]

My gut feeling, and thats all it is, is that she is struggling between two desires. She wants to be independent and stand on her own two feet, but she loves you and wants to be with you. But these two desires are mutually exclusive. Again my gut feeling from your posts leads me to think she is still very much into you, but her actions don't entirely make me think she regrets the decision.

 

When people regret their decision its usually all on, i.e. they are around at your house, contacting your friends, writing poems in the sky, etc... She's holding on tighter than just an ex that wants to be friends - but I am concerned that she doesn't sound like she's fully committed to being independent and is buring the candle at both ends so to speak.

 

I think you have reservations about how she is developing too... thats why you aren't sure if you want her back.

[calgaryguy]

hmmmm thats an interesting way of looking at it. She actually did contact one of my friends not too long ago and was wondering why i wasnt picking up my phone ( i was at a safety meeting ). I dont know what to think......she wants to see me again , but i dont think I want to go to that bar again with her, didnt get to talk much about anything other then little chit chat. Its funny I cought her a few times calling me baby and hunny, she doesnt call anyone that ........ but then again I cought myself saying the same thing.

[Nathalie1970]

I dont know if I want to go out with her again however, I dont think I really want her back anymore. We will see...........

 

 

 

Why don't you think that you want her back anymore??

[calgaryguy]

She changed I think, shes not what I first fell in love with. I dont really know but when we were together that night it seemed odd, I wanted to be close to her and she acted as she did too but it was just strabge. Maybe it takes time, maybe it will turn out ok, but till then we will see. I told her when we were dating that I would give her a car, and i promised her that. I talked to her today after buying my fourth car that I would still keep that promise. She sounded very happy but Im not sure if I should go through with it cause all my friends tell me to just forget about her. When I make a promise its a promise, in my eyes no one can break a promise unless they are a * * * *ing * * * * *, so I think no matter what we are I still owe it to her. I dont care too much for money since I have more then enough but I do care for going through with what you say. She wants me to come to her work tomorrow, but I cant due to other plans. Im just * * * *ed, i dont know what to do anymore.

[Nathalie1970]

I told her when we were dating that I would give her a car, and i promised her that.

 

You told her this when you were "dating", you don't have to go through with it anymore. She broke her promise to stay with you.

 

Just my point of view. Good luck with everything

[calgaryguy]

hmmmmmmm I guess thats true too.............

 

Im thinking of ignoring her for a while again. She seemed to come around more when I ignored her, maybe another session of NC will help me out.