Extramarital love-train was bound to crash!!

[nicole hoyle]

my problem is that i am still thinking of someone who i had an breif affair with...it ended abruptly and without much closure. i worked at a place for 2 months, an initial spark and subtle flirting had turned into a strong liking and curiosity later. we went to lunch together twice before i quit the job but as professional colleagues without any intention of acting on our sexual tension. however, nothing of desiring each other was mentioned until the week we met for lunch after i quit the job, we kissed and then met the next day for an unexpected heavy petting session in the car.

 

the next week, before i started my new job, we went out for 2 consecutive days to the beach and dined by the sea..this man however was married, with 2 teenage kids and his own business on the side...perfect, all-american dad and husband that i didn't think i should/could get involved with...well, people aren't always what they seem as usual...just like i never dreamed of even being attracted to someone who was married and going through with this ultimatley damaging behaviour. i am quite young myself, but prefer the seasoned opinions and styles of men who have been around and the block a few more times than all of the twentysomethings. there were a few odd things however about the situation, this man was married to a woman 10 yrs older than him and has admittedly had one nite stands with other women. by using"admittedly," i'm referring to him notifying me of that.

 

anyhow, we e-mailed everyday and called each other everyday for the month after i quit my former place of employment. i was enjoying the adoration and the sheer bliss of hitting it off with someone so sexy and compatible with me. the other thing is, we never had unbridled, passionate sex. we only did everything, but the final act. things were still great, and of course this is the fantasy, idealized stuff that comes of these pressure-free, fantasy extramarital affair characteristics where his real life, wife and children are far-removed from two lovers' dreamworlds. however, i knew he was in a rock-hard marriage and was not really going to iniate any life-changing move like divorce in breaking his family apart and losing his business for the exhilarating, and ultimately "obsessive" feelings that he claimed he had for me.

 

usually men don't use the word "obsessed" too often, if they are not hounddogs trying to get you in bed. yet, this man did, he got a little out of control with his emotions for someone who was married and supposed to be a mature compsed man of middle age. being young and never having any involvement with someone married, i didn't think the "married-man" who iniates the thing would be having any feelings outside of those he wants to experience in a hotel room. i realized how i fell for him a lot harder than i was letting myself after things had abruptly ended, however. anyhow, we went outfor an evening date, stayed out way too late to cover up for his lie, got lost in the fun, martini moments and left behind some genetic matierial on the leather seat of one of his family's vehicles. this was what just was needed for the already ill-fated love train to wreck. his wife saw that among other signs of a drunken, careless, uncalculated back seat romp between two people. he wanted to still carry on, but how could he after his wife was extremely pissed and suspicious? he had to patchthings up, mend things ..and i felt terrible, but still selfish.

 

anyhow we we have not spoken in three months, i know its the right thing to never look back and forget about this. he doesn't belong to me at all and i shouldn't distract him by contacting him to just maintian a platonic friendship...he last sent me an e-mail three months ago, shortly after he decided to end our affiar because he couldn't keep up with the deceit. i agreed it was for the best since our realtionship had nothing to last on to begin with and was stained from us getting caught. i thought that we should just walk away from one antoher. he however stressed that he cared for me and wanted the classic "to still be friends." you know that just t leads to a vicious cycle. we met up for lunch the last day before our last e-mails were sent and he was still very mesermized and attracted to me. he still carried on as if nothing was really going to change....obviously, we all know for the good of his family and marriage and my respect, things needed to change.

 

....thus its been three months with this vague closure, guess its time to say we are conclusively incommunicado as supposedly going to "remian friends," which was an unrealistic relationship anyways. if he wanted something, he would have already contacted me by now, yah? i just still have daily thoughts of him and erotic fantasies. i re-hash the times we spent togethr, though i know i will not pick up the phone or e-mail. i do miss the friendship. i don't know what he thought or what is going on with him, if he still thinks of me or will ever contact me again....i just want closure, bu t i have to provide that myself.

 

mark my words however, i will never let myself explore any attraction to a married person again. wrong, always wrong route to take for anyone contemplating it. you feel lonely long after your "too good to be true," never should have happened in the first place, extramarital affair happens! what do you people think? maybe in a couple months try, or best to let it lie? best to let it lie, i know, i just want to run into him someday, hopefully available or expedite the process of meeting someone to outshine him or at least take away the thougts and fantasies of him still? do you perhaps think, he'll ever contact me again? just desperatly want to get over him though. also, any comments about that old addage" once a cheater, always a cheater? this guy will most likely do it again, after he's been a good boy for awhile???

[dreamer3]

I've never been married, but I've been the cheater, the cheatee, the other woman all of that. No matter how much you care for the person, nothing feels better than when you know that the person is all about you an just you. I'm sure you heard the term what goes around comes around, it's definitely true, you will never understand what his wife feels until you feel it yourself, unfortunately for you. You are doing to right thing and you know it, leave him alone, and if you see him, despite what he says or does, still leave him alone. It's really not worth it. I can be totally wrong, but this man seems as if he's missing something in his married so he tried to find it in someone else, but he's not looking for someone else to marry. Then he admiitted to you that he's cheated before, this guy is good and no matter what his lines are, I don't think that you're the only one that heard them, you might have just been the one that made him calm down, because he got caught. Good luck in whatever you do, but you will save yourself a lot of stress is you just chalk this up to a bad experience and move on.