Dealing with loosing best friend when relationship over

[reborn]

Hi guys,

Needing your advice again. It has been almost 4 months since my bf broke up with me. The reasons don´t matter much now. We are not friends as in being in contact everyday but we are in good terms. However I am going through exactly what many of you have gone and are going through and need your support.

 

This breakup deal is very devastating. I really miss my best friend. It is so violent this whole severing of ties. So radical. Yet to the dumper it doesn´t seem to be that way.

 

I dont´know if it is just part of the whole grieving process. Maybe it is just another masked attempt to try to reach him. But it feels like a rejection to my whole person not just the relationship if we cannot even be friends. But that is not the point.

 

How do you guys deal with feeling like you lost your best friend. LIke it is hard to be friends now because I still have feelings yet again I wonder if he really even cared because he is like a stranger now. How does the dumper mind work. FYI we have gotten together post breakup. It has been very civilized and pleasant and he keeps extending the date. So it is not as if I am the ex girlfriend from hell. He actually really likes my personality. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Genesis]

My ex said the same thing to me when we broke up. He said The only reason I could not get over my other ex was b/c he was my best friend?

 

Well my ex I guess did not make me his best friend, so for myself the only thing I can tell you is to be your own best friend forget about him.

 

That is what I am trying to do, He does not want me in his life as a girlfriend but as a friend, I am not his best friend and really not his friend anymore. It hurts to much to talk with him, it is like I do not know him anymore. So I do not talk to him, he contacts me but I only return his messages b/c I think it is rude to ignore people.

 

Never make you B/F your best friend in the future. Always have a girlfriend to back you up when your relationship fails. I went through the same feelings , we were best friends but things just change, my ex's can not even look me in face now b/c they know how much pain they have put me through, just so they could go out and satisfy their sexual needs from someone else.

 

You have to stop thinking of him as your best friend and think of him as your ex. This is my 2nd major break up and both times I felt like I gave more to the relationship than I was willing to lose. We were high school sweethearts broke up after almost 4 years. Then I broke up with my college boyfriend 4 years relationship. I am in a new place in my life it is hard but you have to stop thinking of him as your best friend.

 

If one of your girlfriends betrayed you would you not find a new best friend? So now you have to do the same thing find a new best friend but find one who will be there for you always.

[Tolly]

Here Here.

My ex g/f became my best friend and now Im lost without her.

[Rain533]

I know what you mean. I have always tryed to stay friends with my ex's even if I was the one that was dumped. I guess that I look at it like (I loved him enough to share part of my life with him) why shouldn't I still be friend with the guy. It is hard to see the ex and be friend right away though, some times your feelings get mixed up and you still like them more then a friend so you need time to heal before you can hang out as friends. After you get over the brake up ex boyfriends can be great, I ask them for relationship advice and vice versa. It's nice because they already know every thing about you and can point out you strangths and falts in the new relationship. I under stand the feeling that you are having you at one time told this person everything, spend alot of time with them and loved them so very much and after the relationshilp is over u still want to tell them everything at the end of the day. When that person is no longer there for you, you feel dumpped all over agian and rejected in a way. Anyway thats the way that I felt. You just have to wait things out and there will be a time when the feelings will lessen and if the ex is still around then he or she was a good friend to begain with. Im not sure if I helped any but I hope every thing works out for you.

[oinmd]

Never make you B/F your best friend in the future. Always have a girlfriend to back you up when your relationship fails.

 

No disrespect, but I have to disagree with this. If you are looking for someone that you will have to spend the rest of your life with, a lifelong commitment, then your partner should be you best friend. When people say that they didn't have good communication in their relationship, it's because one person went and told all of their problems to their friends instead of talking through them with their partner. It's fine to have good friends, but if you want to marry someone, you have to make sure that they are truly your best friend. Ask anyone who has been married for 15-20 years who their best friend is and you will see that their partner always is.

[slider]

If you still have feelings for that person, you shouldn't be friends with him at this time. Maybe a few months down the road when feelings diminish to the point you can look and talk to him without feeling hurt at all. There's no sense in causing any additional pain in your life right now. Now is the time for you to heal. Explain that to him and tell him that you will let him know when you can be friends again. This can't happen until ALL your feelings for him has left you.

 

Later on, friendship with your ex can be a very pleasing experience. The reason for that is because you know each other so well. They are able to give you very good advice because they know how you think and know the things you like or dislike. Sometimes these instances lead to getting back together. Some of those relationships really work out well too. Probably because both parties realize how and what they have to change in order to get along.

[Genesis]

I agree with you you partner should be your best friend but...

 

For me my ex was my best friend and recently he confessed to me that I was his best friend also but, where do we go from their?

 

I trusted my ex more than I trusted some of my girlfriends. I thought of him as a better friend that my girlfriends, but who was there for me in the end not him? Each story is different.

 

We love each other be we are not together or know if we should get back together. He wants me back but I do not trust him due to his actions with other girls.

 

 

Losing him as my best friend was like stabbing me in the heart. I feel like until I get a rock on my finger, I will not place my all into a relationship until I know that it is heading somewhere.