Bad Day again....

[Spawn]

sorry guys feel like puttin somethin on this board again...

 

after that stupid mail from my ex :

 

though i deleted it and maintaining strict NC, that mail is still goin on and on in my mind....can't get it out.

 

The way she had composed it, she had apparently nuthin to ask about me in the mail, there was only a subject for the mail : need favour blah blah and her signature in the mail, thats about it. So much of disregard to someone who loved her so much.

 

I just can't understand it , when she had made it clear she doesn't want to be with me then why she has to send such mails....imagine i was the one gettin upset as well as also feelin rather relieved for not gettin a mail from my ex on my birthday thinkin as our coach said " she is doing a big favour by not giving me any false hopes" and then out of blue she asks me for this favour.

 

What does all this mean? I don't know why she has to do all this stuff. Why can't our ex's think that we are going thru some really hard times emotionally and tryin so hard each day to get back to our own lives.

 

In short if its over, why not just leave us alone......is she finding ways to be friends with me again?

 

whatever it is, i have made more friends and have started going out of the house on a daily basis, so have no urge of contactin her at all, somehow got the strength to not take any unknown calls too.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

I am so sorry you are having a hard time. (((hugs))) Ex's do such things because they are acting selfish. They ask for the friendship to ease the guilt because he/she did the breaking up, and then he/she does stuff like this.

 

The only advice I have for you in this type of situation is to ask your ex NOT to email you anymore and since you are no longer together, please refrain from asking for any more favors. Or just have whatever email she sends you get forwarded in the trash or block her address. It is up to you to take charge of your recovery process and how you are going to about doing it.

 

Hang in there...you are doing great.

[Spawn]

kellbell, thanks, would it be a nice idea to be friends with this girl?

 

She has lots of issues in her life which only she can deal with it. She has problems with her parents, brother and before the breakup me too.She never understood my feelings for her when i was there with her. Whenever i tried to be of any help for her, she just hated it, would always say she wants to do it alone and don't need any of my help.

 

I am not contacting her now,probably down the line when i have no feelings for her, but then her attitude is such if nobody makes her feel good abt it or ignores her at some point then she cares a damn about them later on.

 

although i am ignorin her mails now, like she did a while back, i think she might do the same thing if i contacted her after a long time from now.

 

i dunno what is it, her mails look very immature probably i am not supposed to overanalyze things here.

 

I have redirected her mails to trash.

[kellbell]

Relationships are hard but they should not be THAT hard...not full of drama, baggage, issues and just plain immaturity. Let her deal with her issues. She is a big girl. Right now...focus on you and your recovery. You want the friendship now because you miss her and the break-up was not your idea...trust me, in a few months you will feel differently, especially when you find someone else you connect with.

 

Hang in there and I am proud of you for re-directing her emails to the trash. It is definitely a step in the right direction. Hang in there...stay strong.

[Spawn]

kell thanks i already feel better, its good to take it out somewhere.well tomorrow onwards another module of my cisco training starts.

 

Its early morning, the training thingy is just walking distance from her place. I would still have to go past her house, she sleeps very late and gets up very late too and that is probably the only thing that gives me strength to take that route and also the fact that she has no clue what i am doin with my life.

 

I am happy that i haven't met her brother, her mother was very sweet to me (on phone ofcourse), she was very eager to meet me once but luckily my ex didn't like the idea of me meetin up with any of her family members. Anyways point is these people take a morning walk sometimes and now i know why sometimes not knowin some people can be so very good.

 

I am going to see all those places where we used to meet up, can't help it thats the only way i know to reach early. I have been thru that place a couple of times after our breakup. Tomorrow onwards its gonna be a daily routine for me for about a month or 2.

[gratefulpain]

same thing happened to me.... like 4 days after the devestaing news she wanted me to be friends and help her do her taxes... she considered my NC as childish ....I honestly didnt want to help her do anything.. why should I ..I'm not healed.. she made the choice... she (my ex) had to understand she cant have her cake (new BF) and the beneifits of my knowledge.. like mechanics , electronics, and others stuff.... she was trying to manipulate me consciously or sub consciously..

 

My advice from this board was to NC... if she finds me childish... explain calmly that i'm working on myself and that any emotional up and down would just keep wounds fresh.. and if she ever loved me she would understand ...

[kellbell]

Fellas,

 

NC is not immature or childish. Grateful...she was able to do her taxes before you knew her, she can do them after. I know it's done and over with but try to keep that in mind when she asks you for another favor.

 

Your ex's just want their way...and when they don't get it, they accuse you of being childish when in fact they are the ones acting immature. One can always see another's true colors in situations such as this. I know after my break-up with my ex, he acted very immature, it solidified my decision and made me even more thankful to be out of the relationship. He is NOT the kind of person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Think about it...are your ex's the kind of women you want to spend the rest of your life with?

 

Hang in there guys....you are doing well.

[thlst3]

Hang in there Spawn! I know how you feel. I got 2 emails from my ex in the past week and I didn't respond. I'm feeling pretty crab today as well... I woke up from a nightmare. My ex and I were argueing in my dream cuz I wasn't ok being friends. I guess it's a sign...

 

Just keep busy and hangout with friends. I've been working out again... exactly 1 month and my friends notice the change in me... I'm back to my old self... fund and outgoing.

 

We'll have tough days... and good days... soon the good days will out do the bad days...

 

Stay strong.

[Orlander]

My advice, Spawn, is to ask her to honor your request for NC and also, though it will be much harder, do not bother with healing yourself enough so one day you can be friends. It just doesn't work that way.

 

The ONLY way to really heal is to consider every aspect of the relationship over. Resign yourself to the fact that you will never be friends or anything else. Good luck and post if you need.

 

 

Orlander

[Spawn]

thanx, thlst3. Just waitin for the next day to begin.....

 

Orlander, thanks, i am tryin in all possible ways this time. The thing is even though i am not with her, i know it will hurt her if i let her knew about the NC thing, i think she may be over with me thats why she started contactin me again anyways forget it who knows what she has got in her mind. She is in real mess with her life, i just don't want to hurt her by sayin stuff that might make things worse for her. Its better to leave her alone and let her sort things out. She is 22 and i have told her to complete her graduation this time, atleast that would land her some good jobs in future. All depends on whether she really wants to sort things out.

 

The friends thing was just a thought. We don't have any common friends and seein the lack of commitment from her side during our relationship, i don't think its even remotely possible to be friends with her. I don't think its gonna come from her side and i am not going to contact her in near future. its been almost 4 weeks now. I also haven't met her in the new year only because she started keepin limited contact and then stopped contact all of a sudden.

 

She is very stubborn though, if i had replied to this mail, she might have contacted again. But now she might think somethin else and stop mailin altogether. Good for everybdy.

[luvagain]

"I am so sorry you are having a hard time. (((hugs))) Ex's do such things because they are acting selfish. They ask for the friendship to ease the guilt because he/she did the breaking up, and then he/she does stuff like this."

 

 

I agree with you KellBell. That's what my ex did. She offered her friendship and would email me with false hopes to ease my pain but it did the opposite, it made it worse. She was leading me on, giving me false hope while she was with her new boyfriend. She offered her friendship and told me she I was her bestfriend and didn't want to lose me blah blah blah.

 

I truly believe that her guilt is gone. She has the support of her family and friends at home which made it easier for her to stop feeling guilty and move on faster.