Need some advice quickly!

[BellaKristina]

Last summer I met this guy on vacation a few states away. We have remained friends eversince, mostly talking online. He is 27 and im 21. I went back vacationing and saw him a few times. We were talking online the other day and he brought up how he was low on money so he couldnt come visit me. Then he said he was opening his ice cream store and needed money for that. I kept asking him questions about it and it turns out i end up in the posistion of the one trying to help him out with getting the money for the store. I have no idea what i was thinking that day but i told him i would send him some money to help him out. And I am not the kind of girl who useually does things like this but i like him and trust that he will pay me back. Something is telling me this is a bad idea, how can i explain to him i changed my mind, with out saying how i truly feel about it which is crappy. I dont know what to do someone help me please! Thank-you

[CarnelianButterfly]

I wouldn't send money, it always makes friendships difficult with money. Just tell him you thought you could spare the cash, but found you would be coming up short yourself. Its a lie, but you need to protect your assets.

If you do send him money make sure you get a written agreement that he will pay you back. Installments, lump sum, with/without interest whatever, just make sure you have it all documented first, then give him money.

[BellaKristina]

Thanks for the advice! I am going to send him an e-mail to get it off my chest. I dont want him to hate me or think differently of me for telling him I cant do it on such short notice. This is what I am going to say in the e-mail any suggestions?

Hi,

I don't want to disappoint you! I thought I could spare some cash, but found I would be coming up short myself. I am so sorry for the inconvience, because I really wanted to help you out. I am sorry to tell you this on such short notice. I will talk to you soon. Take care.

 

Any suggestions?

[eleanorrigby1]

Have you emailed him already? I have been in similar circumstances where I have offered to lend people money and then thought "Ugh actually i cant do that, i dont feel safe!" I have lost friends or damaged friendships in the past lending money and not having it paid back, sometimes friends think they can let it go and think to themselves "oh its only such and such they wont mind waiting..." and you wait and wait and then it becomes a matter of principal rather than a matter of the amount you actually lent out.

 

I agree with what CarnelianButterfly said. Simply say "I am so sorry but it seems I was to enthusiastuc with my offer of financial help! checked with the bank today and I had forgotton about a number of direct debits I had waiting to go out, over spent considerably at Christmas, as you do, and I am still recovering"

 

I would also be a bit dubious that he accepted the offer having not known you for that long, or that well considering you are both in separate states and so far away from each other and the age gap. Why would he even consider opening a business if he can't financially afford to? I don't want to make you paranoid about his intentions but they are worth thinking about.

 

Take care of yourself

[BellaKristina]

Thanks for the advice