Am I right to have such MIXED feelings about him??

[rharris98]

I've been seeing a guy for a few months that I am SO confused about his feelings for me. I met this guy when I was 16 and he was 24, I went out with him a few times and even lost my virginity to him, which I've never regretted. I later met him again when I was 22-23 and we had another short lived relationship. I am now 34 and he is 41 and just a few months ago, our paths once again crossed and we began talking on the phone. We talked for nearly two months before I once again went out with him. We had agreed in the beginning for a no-strings type relationship, which works for both of us at this time. After a few times going out, he asked me if it was 'more than I expected?' and that it had also been more than he has expected (feelings) He told me that it was only hurting myself and so was he by not admitted we did have 'feelings' for one another. I told him (like I have for the last several months) I am really not good at expressing my feelings (I've never told this guy how I feel for him...nor has he me) He said you can't have a sexual relationship without feelings becoming involved, etc....he says it's just not human to do that. But at the same time..in the same conversation, he tells me that we probably should "limit ourselves" which I have NEVER been told by a guy even once in my life. He says he doesn't want one of us to become "obsessed" and that feelings can sometimes overwhelm us. Geezz....I've talked to him all week since this happened and went back out with him again this weekend. I've asked him and he says the more you are with 'someone' you like sexually or otherwise you run the risk of even more feelings being involved. I'm nearly offended actually...I mean he says he has feelings but yet we have to limit ourselves. I don't know what to think....this guy and I have SO much in common and we get along so well...it's almost weird why we didn't end up together. He is VERY handsome and he knows this...as with most. I guess that is one reason why I have NEVER in the 18 years since I knew him ever admitted to having any feelings for him because I guess in my mind I always figured it would give him all the ammunition he would need against me. I don't know why I feel like this, I just do. I've nearly decided to not see this guy anymore, but feel I probably should tell him that I do love him and probably could be 'in' love with him too. I just think I may regret not telling him how I feel one day even if nothing comes of it, or should I just not say anything at all? Am I right to be so confused about how he feels? Or should I just ask him to tell me outright what he's trying to say...I'm thinking it must be hard for him too.

[Versa]

Things are pretty confusing really, and it isn't good for you as I'm sure its stressing you out. You do need to make a decision on where this is heading as what do you want in your life? Is your goal for a relationship to just have fun? Would you like to get married? Would you like to have kids? Would you like to have sex with out strings? I don't know what your goals are, but they are yours, and there is no reason why you can't reach them or live them. They will change as time goes by, so you will have to reaccess from time to time.

 

But take a course of action that is going to lead you towards those goals and what you want to do in life.

 

Hope this has helped some.