Communication is hard

[princessdi75]

I give a lot of advice on here that people need to talk and communicate better, and it's true...

[LostInMyThoughts]

It sounds like you're between a rock and a hardplace here.

 

I think you should try a different approach. Your current approach of trying to get him to communicate and open up isn't working for you. Instead let him come to you when he wants to talk. If he doesn't then promise yourself you'll be okay.

 

I know you love your boyfriend, but is being with someone who won't be open with you what you want in a relationship? If he's not willing to make changes, you'll either have to accept it and get over it, or think about leaving him.

 

Sorry my advice isn't all that positive.

 

Good luck.

[Scout]

He doesn't like to talk to ANYONE about things going on in his life like work and school, b/c that's just how he is. I've come to respect that, and actually admire how he faces his problems alone and always overcomes them.

 

My boyfriend is exactly like that, too, and I also admire that quality of self-reliance he has. However, I am a more vocal person and verbalize my thoughts often at the same time I'm having them. My guy is more thoughtful and measured about how he communicates, and he definitely withholds more than I do.

 

Avman gave me some great feedback on this issue. Basically, I have to understand my guy is more of an introvert. And I'm more of an extrovert. thereforeeee, our communication styles differ. But, if we're both aware of this, we can put ourselves in each other's shoes and start to develop a communication style that blends both of our ways of communicating.

 

Make sense?

[princessdi75]

Thanks Scout, you're advice is obvious, and I should have realized it myself.

[Scout]

Thanks Scout, you're advice is obvious, and I should have realized it myself, but I guess I just couldn't see it.

 

Yeah, well I didn't see it either for my situation, lol. Avman had to point it out to me! It was such a breakthrough in how I viewed our communication issues once I realized we were fundamentally different in how we process stuff. And believe me, it works out better for me to be with someone like my guy, because if I was with another vocalizer who talks as soon as a thought arrives, the communication would really get emotional and blur the issues.